PARANORMAL ACTIVITY IN MY HOUSE

It’s time I made a comprehensive list of all the paranormal activity we’ve experienced in our current house.  My kids and I have experienced paranormal activity in every house we’ve lived in.  I’m currently living with my son in what was my parents’ house, having purchased it after my mom died in January 2018.  We were living there with her when she passed away, although Mom didn’t die in the house.  My parents bought the house brand new, even picked the lot it was to be built upon.

So we started noticing the paranormal activity within a couple weeks after my mom passed away.  After about 8 months of this, we finally decided to buy some motion and sound activated cameras which we have set to record after we go to bed or when we’re not at home.  We have one in the front room (my Shiatsu room), one in the kitchen, and one in the family room that’s in the back side of the house).

MY THEORIES FOR REASONS FOR THE PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

People assume that when someone dies, it must be their energy that causes paranormal activity if there is any.  I don’t just assume that, although that’s a likely assumption.

I consider that maybe Mom’s death caused a “doorway” for other energies to interact with the physical dimension.  Even though Mom didn’t die in the house, it was her house so I’m sure her energy is strongly tied there.  And perhaps some earthbound spirit attached itself to mom’s energy attachment to our house.

Whether it’s Mom’s energy or another spirit attracted to us through her death, there are many factors tethering mom’s energy to the house which I think give plenty reason for either Mom or some other wayward spirit to be the cause of the paranormal activity:

1). Mom was a bit of a pack rat.  She kept a lot of stuff whether for memories or attachments, or perhaps she just had a hard time throwing things away.  We had to sort through it all which felt like an invasion of her privacy, but it needed to be done.  While alive she didn’t like her stuff to be moved, literally.  I had offered to pay for new carpet when we moved in with her which was three years before she died, but she refused based only on the fact that she didn’t want anything moved.  I could tell there were places where stuff hadn’t been cleaned, vacuumed, dusted, or moved in decades.

2). We had to get rid of most of her things.  Mom wanted me to keep certain items and furniture, which I ended up getting rid of because I either didn’t want it or didn’t have room for it.  Her having such an attachment to belongings I got rid of might make for some energy disruptions.  Not necessarily her energy consciously causing a disruption, but perhaps a sort of “stored energy” being disrupted.  Makes me wonder if other people with her stuff are experiencing anything.

3). We got the house renovated after she passed away.  It needed to be done but I’m sure Mom would have hated the idea.  Renovations and changes to a place are a major catalyst in disrupting energy.  Not only are you changing a place physically but you’re also changing its energy.

4). My mom didn’t like me being my own person with my own opinions and differing likes and dislikes from her.  I have to admit, at first I balked at the idea of keeping Mom’s house just because I didn’t want to live in “her” house with her energy.  Me being happy in what was her home could possibly be a reason for her energy causing the paranormal activity.

5). My mom was a person who could hold onto anger like nobody’s business.  She could feel and express it too without any qualms.  I’m just not like that at all, and quite the opposite.  I often wonder if our fun and happiness and peaceful lifestyle are pissing her off!  Mom had some personality disorders.  Look up Cluster B Personality Disorder and you’ll understand.  In life she was jealous of me being so different from her.  I wouldn’t be surprised that hasn’t changed just because she’s no longer physically living.

All in all, I hope that Mom’s spirit is at peace, completely, that she’s whole, with no caste off aspects of her psyche or spirit looming out there.  I hope she’s not stuck in whole or in part, unable to move on or unable to heal.  And I really have no idea if our paranormal activity is caused by my mom’s energy, whether consciously or indirectly, but just in case I’ve sent her many messages and prayers to help her to cross over, heal, and move on.

ACTIVE OR RESIDUAL?

I’ve tried to decipher whether the activity should be considered active or residual, and I’d have to say active because it’s always changing and it definitely affects our personal belongings, so it doesn’t seem residual at all.

POLTERGEIST?

I don’t believe it can be considered poltergeist activity because that seems to be more mischievous in nature, which it isn’t, and we don’t have any reason to believe it’s our own energy acting out or causing it.   

PSYCHIC ENERGY?

The last theory I can come up with has to do with the fact that like I said, we’ve experienced paranormal activity in every home we’ve lived in.  So what’s that all about?  I’ve always been psychically aware and sensitive, I’ve had OBEs my whole life, and even a near-death experience.  My son is psychically sensitive as well.  Perhaps our energy simply just attracts paranormal activity.

Rather than tell our experiences chronologically, I think it’ll be more impressive to group them:

OBJECTS THAT HAVE PHYSICALLY MOVED

I’ve noticed that objects that get moved are either my personal things or they are things that I’ve just come in contact with.  This has made me consider that either it’s possibly my own energy doing it, or that whatever is doing it is doing it consciously to me or because of me.  There doesn’t seem to be any randomness to it.  Read the list and you’ll see what I mean.

1). I had put a plug-in nightlight in a kitchen socket earlier in the day.  Later that night I walked into the kitchen and was looking in the fridge for something to drink, standing there with the door open which my mom would have hated.  I heard a noise behind me.  I turned around and saw that the nightlight had popped out of the socket.  Where it was laying made it seem like it flew out rather than just fell out, not that it should have been able to fall out anyway!

2). A standing mirror that was leaning against the wall moved when I was standing there looking in it.  I was just standing there checking out my outfit and the mirror rocked back and forth!  This wasn’t a case of the floor shaking causing it to move.  It’s a mirror in my bathroom on a tile floor.  Sits there all the time, never shakes when I walk in and out.

3). My purse had been sitting on a kitchen chair for several hours since I got home from work one day.  David (my son) and I were watching Lord of the Rings.  We paused the movie so I could go get my insulin bag out of my purse.  I didn’t move the purse, just pulled out my insulin bag.  I went and sat back down on the couch and said to David, “Since the movie’s paused, we should talk about the activity we’ve noticed in the house.  When we talk about it, more stuff seems to happen.”  So we did.  And several minutes went by.  Then we heard a loud thud from the kitchen.  Since the movie was paused, this sound really startled me.  My purse had fallen off the chair, landing upside down on the floor!  My purse hadn’t been sitting precariously near the edge of the chair, and I hadn’t needed to move it to reach in and get my insulin bag.  This was really too “coincidental” and really had my heart going.  I actually couldn’t talk for several seconds for the shock. 

4). One day I went to the pantry to get the tape dispenser.  I used it, then put it back where it was before, which was the back of the middle shelf, third shelf up, nowhere near the edge.  Just like my purse, it’s not like I had laid it precariously on something.  About a half hour later I was in the kitchen making dinner when I heard several loud banging sounds coming from the pantry.  There were five or six loud bangs.  I went down to look, opened up the pantry door, and found the tape dispenser on the floor inside the pantry.  The tape dispenser is hand held, so it’s large, and in fact it just barely fits between the closed door and the edge of the middle shelf.  I tried purposely sliding the dispenser to the edge of the shelf to see how it would naturally fall, and time and time again it just got stuck against the door.  Then I tried flicking it from the shelf to the pantry door, to see if it could position itself correctly in order not to get stuck.  It took several tries, but when it finally did position itself correctly, it just fell straight down to the floor not banging against the door.  There was no reason for it to have fallen in the first place, let alone being able to position correctly to fit the narrow gap, and also no reason for it to have caused several loud bangs against the door going down.  It seems the tape dispenser was thrown against the door with force.

5). The clock in my Reiki room fell one evening.  We know when it happened.  It was sometime in the evening while we were watching TV because we heard a loud thud.  Since we hear so many of these sounds we didn’t even bother getting up to look.  It was the next day while looking at our camera footage that I noticed the little clock in my Reiki room was missing.  When I got home from work the first thing I did was go into my Reiki room to look for the clock, and I found that it had fallen but had somehow landed on the other side of the little corner table, rather than having fallen straight down the wall.  The hook was still in the wall but it was turned sideways, and it was in the wall tightly, not loosely, so the hook was actually pointed to the side.  That tells me that the clock was moved with enough force to turn the hook.  We have pretty thick carpet, so the thud was the sound of the clock hitting the table.  The table was far enough from the wall that if the clock had simply slipped off the hook then it would have just slid down the wall that it was on.  Instead, the clock was between the table and the adjacent wall.

6). Last summer while my handyman was still renovating, I had had the AC going, but when I turned it off I started opening up all the windows again.  The last one was in the bathroom off the master bedroom, but the window just wouldn’t budge.  It was as if it were locked even though I knew there was no reason for it to be locked.  I never lock the windows.  I finally just tried switching the lock lever, and then the window opened.  I was home all day.  No one else had been upstairs, let alone in my bedroom and bathroom!  And I wouldn’t have locked it.

7). I have a couple copies of my memoir sitting on display in my Shiatsu room, on a little handmade wooden bench shelf that my dad built.  On a Wednesday afternoon I decided to vacuum the whole house, moving things to vacuum in every corner.  So I had moved the books and the bench to vacuum, but I placed everything back the way it was.  The next morning at 4:26 am, our living room cam picked up a motion and sound.  At first I could only hear what sounded like a loud scraping noise.  It was so distinct that when I went down the stairs first thing that morning I purposely looked to see if anything had been moved.  I quickly saw that the two books had slid off the bench onto the floor.  After reviewing the footage many times that day I finally noticed that just at the very bottom of the screen you can barely see the books actually sliding off the bench.  It’s timed perfectly with the sound so there’s no doubt that’s what the sound was.  But there was no reasonable explanation for the books falling.  They’d been sitting there more than 12 hours after I had moved them to vacuum.  We don’t have any pets, and the windows in that room are always closed.

8). One day I came home from work and the entry door to the garage was standing open.  David had been home all day so I asked him about it, but he said he never went down to that lower level of the house all day, so it wasn’t him.  Also, you can’t see that the door from the kitchen, so David had no idea it was open or when it happened.  You also can’t see the door from any of our cameras.  The night before, David had gone into the garage to get something out of the freezer.  Before bed, I double checked that the entry door was shut tightly, something that I always do after using it.  Since David was the last one to use it, I did this double check on his behalf.  I know that the door had not just been only slightly closed; it was definitely latched shut.  There’s no way for the wind to have pushed it open.

9). Last year while the upper level was being renovated, my handyman would leave his tools and painting supplies up there over night.  One evening we were downstairs watching TV, when we heard a loud thud from the bedroom right above us.  Of course we knew no one was up there.  We immediately went up to check, and two tool cases had fallen over.  This was around 9 pm, and those tool cases had been standing up since my handyman had left around 5 pm.  I remember seeing them there because I had to walk around them to get to the window earlier in the evening.  There was nothing that could have caused two heavy tool cases to fall over!

10). There were two photos on the hutch of my desk that fell over one day.  The reason why this was strange is because they are in front of a stack of loose photos, but only two fell.  They’d been sitting on my desk hutch for a year, never having been moved and never having been shook with all the walking around or getting up from my desk that I do many times a day.  I have no idea why they fell or if it’s paranormal.  One of the photos was the last picture I took of me and Bruce Moen together before his death.  We were in a Jamba Juice.  The other photo was a picture I took of him during one of our Oovoo video calls (similar to Skype).  Perhaps this was a “hello” from Bruce?  I don’t know.  I keep photos of him on my desk to keep him in sight and “near me” so I always feel close to him and can talk to him every day.  I know that I can talk to him anytime, anywhere, and I do, but it’s so much better seeing his sweet smile when I do.  Maybe the two pictures falling from a stack of loose photos was nothing more than random coincidence.  Maybe it was a sign from Bruce.  Maybe it was something else.  I really have no idea.

A distinct pattern I see is that most of these things are items that I had recently touched when they had moved on their own except for three:  The little wall clock which I hadn’t touched for at least a month since the time change.  The two tool cases which I hadn’t touched at all.  And the photos of Bruce.

SOUNDS WE HEAR WITH NO KNOWN REASON FOR THEM

There are several distinct and repetitive sounds, particularly knocks, thuds, a sliding/scraping sound, and garbled sounds or muffled talking.  They are heard with the naked ear, so not just on the cameras.

The knocks are random and can be heard in one room or another, so there’s no pattern.  For several months we’d hear the knocks one to three times a night, and then they stopped for a few month.  They are usually random and occasional.  Sometimes they are just in the room, and other times we’ve heard them from the walls or the ceiling.

The sliding/scraping sound has been caught on the camera as well as heard with the naked ear, and it shows up in different areas of the house.  I remember the first time I heard it.  The main level of the house was still unfinished, mostly empty, except for some boxed-up stuff.  I noticed my mom’s digital clock was still out and hadn’t been packed, so I walked over to it.  And just as I was about to touch it, I heard the sliding/scraping sound.  It was coming from the middle of the room to my right, but no matter where I walked, the sound followed me.  It was always to the right of me, and always right next to my head.  It was loud and distinct and very uncanny.  This was in what’s now my Reiki room and what used to be Mom’s dining room.  In this experience I had, the sound repeated over and over for several minutes while I stood there in disbelief.  I eventually went and looked in the basement right under that room, outside right outside the window, and I even got up on the roof.  David described the same sound in the same room about a month earlier but I kind of brushed it off as a dream because he said he woke up hearing it.  And then a couple weeks after he heard it, Abby (my daughter) and her boyfriend had heard the same thing in the same area too, but they hadn’t told me about it at the time.  There was another occasion where Abby was visiting, and we were sitting on the couch talking, when we suddenly heard the sliding/scraping sound.  This time it sounded as if it were coming from the middle of the house, so like where the entryway meets the kitchen, and we only heard it once.  The times when the camera picked it up it was only heard once at a time.  It’s just a strange sound.  I would describe it as the sound a heavy cardboard box would make if you were sliding it on cement and pausing every three seconds between pushes.  Abby described it as if you were sliding a box across the hardwood floor.  David described it as rubbing/scraping sound against a wall.

There were many times we heard scratching sounds early on in the renovations when we had a lot of things boxed up.  One evening while we were watching TV, there were loud and continuous scratching sounds from the corner of the room where a few cardboard boxes were stacked.  We looked, moved boxes around, and the scratching continued.  This was probably one of the first sounds we noticed.  I remember I could be in one room, and hear the scratching in another room, and then go in there and look, wait, and listen, then hear it in the other room.  It was always as if there was someone in another room, scratching or shifting the boxes around.

Another early sound we heard but that hasn’t seemed to repeat itself in about a year now was the sound of the front door opening and someone walking in.  The front door is always locked so I know it’s not possible for someone to just open it and walk in.   

The garbled voice-like sounds are mostly caught on the camera, but David and I have each heard voices with the naked ear.  The muffled voices are as if people are talking just in the next room with the door closed but you can’t make out what they’re saying.  David once heard a woman’s muffled whisper right behind him in the hallway.

There are also drum beats and whistles sometimes, which have only been caught on the camera. 

One of the loudest and strongest sounds was a thud that sounded as if something huge hit the side of the house.  I can’t imagine what could create a sound like that, but we never found anything outside to have caused it.

We’ve also heard the sounds of someone walking around upstairs.  You hear the floor creaking just as it normally sounds when you know someone is walking up there, but to hear it when you know that no one else is home is a little scary.

I once heard a lot of bumping sounds right outside my bedroom door.  I assumed that my son David had come out of his room in the middle of the night and for some strange reason was clumsily bumbling down the hallway, bumping into the walls and doors.  We both sleep with our doors shut.  I was about to get up and tell him to knock it off but it stopped, and when I asked him about it the next morning he said he hadn’t gotten up after going to bed.  It was a very exaggerated set of sounds and wouldn’t have made sense for him to be doing that anyway.  

QUESTIONS PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK:

Do I think it’s my mom?

I have no idea.  Possibly, but I really don’t know.

Have we tried smudging the house with sage?

Yes.  At the suggestion of several people, we did.

Have we tried using a voice recorder to get EVP responses to questions?

Yes.  We’ve tried this a few times but never got any responses.

Am I scared?

No.  We’re so used to having paranormal experiences, it doesn’t scare us.  My book Persephone’s Journey gives a really detailed account of the paranormal activity we’ve experienced over a many-year span of my life up to the publishing of the book.

WHAT DO I THINK?

At this writing it’s been 18 months since my mom passed away.  We still get recordings on our cams, and we still hear things on our own.  I think it’s a natural phenomenon that’s always going to be “attracted” to me because of my abilities and energy.  I don’t know if we necessarily do anything to cause or attract it, but we do try to purposely and consciously use our energy and intention to not allow anything negative in our home.  I don’t believe it’s negative in nature, and therefore harmless.  And maybe there’s some other explanation than the energy of some deceased person.  I’ve certainly experienced many unbelievable and unexplainable things in my life, things that defy even the laws of physics.  I certainly don’t chalk everything up to ghosts.  I think there’s a lot about this reality and other dimensions that we just don’t know about.

My Near Death Experience

In 1998 a month before my 28th birthday, I was diagnosed with type 1, insulin-dependent diabetes. Learning to control and balance my blood sugar levels with injecting insulin, managing what I eat, and exercising has never been easy as every little change has an effect on either raising or lowering my levels.

One night in 2004 as I was going to bed, I had no idea that my blood sugar would be dropping dangerously low. It was around 10 pm that I went to bed. My kids were already sleeping in their rooms and my husband was out. I remember going to bed as usual, closing my eyes, and feeling sleep take over. The next thing I knew I floated out of my body. I was accustomed to having OBEs so at first I didn’t realize this was a near-death experience. I was instantly awake and I remember the feeling of leaving my body. My first thought was, “I’m having an out-of-body experience!!” The clarity of thoughts, emotions, and awareness was astounding and energizing. I felt amazing and so very excited.

I remember hovering supine over my physical body for several moments, reveling in how wonderful this feeling was to be out of my physical body. There were no other thoughts in my mind.

Then something caught my attention out of the corner of my eyes, just to my right and slightly above me. I turned and looked up at it. It was a beautiful bright light. It was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. I can’t imagine anything more perfect and beautiful. The first feeling I felt at seeing the light was how incredibly strongly I wanted to go toward it.

The light was coming into my bedroom as if through the ceiling, shining through a very bright circle of light. I had no other thoughts such as what it was, why this was happening, or how to reach that light. Just my desire of wanting it pulled me toward it. Even though I knew I was having an OBE and I was completely aware of my physical bedroom and my body below me, moving toward the light was all that mattered to me.

It was an effortless movement. I was now shooting toward the light, headfirst, arms at my side, feet below me, like a rocket. It felt like I was moving a million miles per hour. I remember thinking, “This is just like the tunnel that people who have died say they went through,” and still I had no thoughts about myself dying, no worries or wonderings about it. I was completely in the moment of my experience without thinking ahead or behind.

It really did have the appearance and feeling of being in a tunnel, which would have a 45-degree angle to it, not straight up, and I felt the feeling of walls encircling me. I couldn’t actually see any sides to the tunnel, but there was darkness around me, or perhaps the light above me was so bright that my surroundings appeared to be dark. But the light itself was always just above me at a 45-degree angle. And my head was tilted upward looking right at it. It didn’t hurt my eyes, and I never averted my gaze. I never took my eyes off the bright light, and all I could think was how much I wanted the light, how I couldn’t wait to get to the light. And happiness. I was feeling an extreme sense of happiness, joy, and excitement.

I also remember having no sense of time. I had no idea how long it was taking for me shooting through the tunnel up toward the light. It could have been 5 minutes, 5 years, or 5 hundred years. And to explain now why I think that was, I think it’s because while I was going through the tunnel I was completely only just in that moment. I think there simply was no such thing as time then, there, or in the light. Time didn’t matter or have any significance, as if it didn’t exist. I was in such a blissful state of being, that time had no meaning.

Then I was up at the top of the tunnel. I knew that where the tunnel had been was just to my right and below me, so that’s why I felt above it now. I don’t know if I was “in” the light but where I was didn’t appear that way, it just appeared normal. But then, coming toward me from my left was in intense bright light that defined itself into millions of rays of color as it came closer, stopping just next to me, and taking on the appearance of a close friend of mine who was as far as I knew still alive. His face came into view through the colored light rays, and he was smiling at me and giving me the highest, purest feeling of love. And then I noticed that I was radiating the same colored light rays of energy and love to him. I hadn’t noticed this was what I was made of until I saw it in my friend. His face looked like him but the rest of his “body” was energy made up of these beams of colors and light. I remember marveling at the beauty of it and wondering why we don’t have this many colors in the physical world.

We were communicating through thought energy, where our energy was transmitting the communication instantaneously, where hours and hours of conversation took place in moments, and I wouldn’t be able to put it into words. But one thing did stand out. He was giving me a gift. It manifested as a little tiny wrapped package that I was now holding in my hands. It was so pretty. When I looked at it in my hands my thoughts turned to thinking how pretty it was and that I couldn’t wait to open it to see what was inside. My friend lovingly laughed a little, saying that’s not the gift, this moment was the gift. His gift to me was him being here. He had heard I was here and he wanted to join me here. I didn’t really understand. I didn’t know how he knew I was here, or how he was able to be here too.

I looked out into the expansion that lay on the other side of the border on which my friend and I were standing. I was so happy here. I knew that I had been here before many times although I couldn’t remember any one particular time. It was just a feeling so familiar, like coming home. There was distinctly a border that I was standing on. The tunnel and where the light had been were to my right. My friend was to my left. Just behind me and below me was my bedroom and the physical world. The expansion before me was Everything Else. I knew that one step backward would put me back in the physical world and that one step forward would put me in the Everything Else. And I also knew that if I took that step forward it would mean not returning to my physical body, not finishing my life, and not raising my children. I remember thinking about that for a moment, and then deciding that I was ok with it. I knew that the passing of my children’s lives would only feel like about 5 minutes to me here, and then my kids would be with me. I knew without a doubt that I would see them again, that they would be here with me.

The Everything Else literally was everything. I knew that within it, that anything I could ever feel, or desire, or think of would be accessible to me there. I could do anything, see anyone, experience anything. I knew I had complete access and freedom there. I remember feeling extraordinarily happy just knowing that that expansion that lay before was all mine. It was all Me. And it went on forever. It was endless. It was the entirety of my being, and it was mine to have and to explore.

So my mind was made up. I decided to stay. Everything about this moment was so perfect. My friend greeting me here, his special gift to me, the beautiful colored rays of light and energy, and the feeling of pure unconditional love was so perfect. Knowing that I would be entering my Home with just one step was everything I wanted. I wanted nothing else but to enter my home.

My thought energy reply to my friend was, “I never want to leave.” And it was at that moment, as if I’d said something wrong, that I heard The Voice say, “Go back to the physical.”

What I call The Voice is an experience I had many times in my life of something that speaks to me like a real physical voice, giving me guidance and telling me things that I have no way of knowing. I had come to know it as one of the ways in which my psychic ability works in giving me guidance from my higher self. Here was The Voice now, here, in this place. I had no idea that anyone else was here with us until I heard it speaking.

When it spoke I was startled, and I turned to look. The sound of The Voice came from my right and slightly behind me, exactly where the entrance to the tunnel was. But I saw nothing. It’s always wonderful and incredible to hear The Voice but I was adamant that I was definitely not going back! I meant no disrespect to The Voice, who I’d always known and trusted as my Guidance, but I knew that this was my home and it just didn’t make any sense for me to go back. I felt I shouldn’t have to leave.

I turned back to my friend who was still looking at me, smiling, and beaming love energy at me. I remember thinking there was no way I was ever going to leave this place. I was here now, why go back? I had no intention of leaving. I was so happy at this moment that I couldn’t even imagine leaving.

I looked at my little gift still in my hands and I pressed it tightly to my chest. My friend gently said to me, “You can’t take it with you.”

The Voice said again, “Go back to the physical”. In that moment I realized that it wasn’t telling me what to do, it was telling me what was going to happen.

Suddenly I was being pulled backward so swiftly and with such force that there was nothing I could do to stop it. Going back wasn’t the same as being pulled toward the light. I wasn’t happy at all. I was trying to hold on to make myself stay there, to resist this force pulling me backward. All I could see was the colored light rays of my friend becoming narrower and smaller, and creating the same tunnel effect but this time the journey was nearly immediate. I felt myself thrust back into my physical body.

I was now lying in bed, still in the same supine position, lying on my back. My eyes were open. My bedroom was dark. There was no tunnel and no light. I couldn’t see my Home anymore. There was just the ceiling of my bedroom. I felt like I was going to cry, but I was so angry. I remember thinking, “That’s not fair! I didn’t want to come back! That was my home. My home. Why did you bring me there and let me see it but then make me come back? That’s not fair.” I lied there “trying” to make myself leave my body again but of course I couldn’t do it.

And then I realized my left arm was numb. I realized my blood sugar was low. I thought, “Was that what made me leave my body? Is that why they made me come back? I’ll just lie here then. I’m not going to get up and take care of my body. I’ll just lie here until I die again!” I remember feeling so angry that it was as if I were a child having a temper tantrum. But I knew it wasn’t going to work.

Why had I gone to that place? Was I meant to die? Was it an accident? Why was I sent back? Why didn’t I have a choice to stay?

When I did get out of bed and test, my blood sugar level was 63. It must have dropped low enough to give me this near-death experience but then must have come up enough again for me to still be alive. But is that what sent me back to my body? Or was it the being of The Voice that made me come back? And who is The Voice?

To this day of course I still have no idea why I wasn’t allowed to stay or why I was sent back. But as time went on from that experience I do remember feeling grateful for still being alive, still getting to be with my children. I eventually divorced my husband after having a traumatic and difficult marriage but life improved, and there have been many times where I’ve consciously given thanks for being sent back because I would have missed so much, not only so many life experiences but also so much of my own spiritual growth. I’m definitely happy that I came back.

And in thinking about it now, I’m also happy that I have full memory of my experience there. I really do believe that I have had several trips there but never not crossed the border. I can’t remember them. Maybe they were accidents, or maybe they were anomalies because I’ve had so many out-of-body experiences throughout my life. And because my friend (who to this day is still physically alive) was able to be there in spirit with me on that border, it also proves to me that I must have visited there before. We must be able to! Him coming there by choice, to greet me, as a gift to me…this is something so meaningful yet I’m sure I still don’t fully understand its implications. I did tell my friend about it but he had no memory of it. He believed me and he wished he could remember.

Part of me wishes I had all the answers but it’s also ok that I don’t, because knowing what I know now due to my NDE gives me so much comfort. All those questions I have are just curiosities.

What’s really important is that my Home is going to be there when I really do die and leave this physical place for good. And now I know that The Voice who has always guided me and given me advice about things I couldn’t possibly know is still there guiding me in the afterlife. Since this experience I’ve had many experiences of visits from loved ones who had died, so I know that we will always be connected with our loved ones. I imagine that if I had taken a step forward off the border that my deceased loved ones would have been there waiting for me. If it had really been my time to die they would have been there.

Because The Voice of my Guidance has always known what’s best for me, and because it told me, “Go back to the physical”, I know that I can feel comfort in trusting that that was what was best for me. Even though I’ve already made peace within myself about having been forced to come back, it’s still so very comforting to know and realize that my Guidance knows what’s best for me and is always looking out for me, even when I don’t know it’s there.

I will never forget how incredibly surprised I was that it was there. I had no knowledge it was there, not until it spoke and wanted me to know its presence. That must mean that my Guidance is always here with me, even when I can’t perceive it! I think that is one of the most reassuring and amazing things about this experience. We really are never alone!

BRUCE MOEN

Bruce Moen passed away November 14, 2017.  The next day I heard from him.  People all over the world were sharing their feelings and sympathies over the Internet through messages and photos in an outpouring of love, appreciation, and gratitude for his work and for having known him. 

I too was posting and reading and replying, trying to keep up with it all.  The joy of the Internet is the instantaneousness of everything.  If you don’t partake you’ll miss out on the moment things happen, and they happen fast on the Internet.  If it weren’t for all of these people posting and sharing I would be missing out on so much.  And I needed their support as much as they needed it.  We were all there for each other.  So many people hurrying to spread the news, to say their goodbyes and give their love and sentiments and sympathies, and fond and funny memories.  I was so happy to be a part of all of this and to take part in what everyone else was sharing.  Good tears flowing off and on.

I was starting to feel overwhelmed at being pulled in so many different directions at once.  I had people emailing and texting me at the same time.  I was inundated with messages, emails, phone calls, and work to be done on Bruce’s website.  I was juggling it all but all this doing was draining me and I was feeling overwhelmed.  But I knew this frenzy of work needed to be done. 

After hitting Enter for the hundredth time that day I slumped back in my chair hoping for a moment of rest, feigning exhaustion by dropping my arms at my side and letting out a sigh.  I turned my head to look at Bruce’s photo on my desk and said, “Just doing my part!” 

His picture has been sitting right there near the edge the past several days, my coffee cup back seated, to help get me through this difficult time.  I could see his face and I could smile at him and say hi, and it made me feel better.  It was a normal reaction for me to just talk to Bruce whenever I felt like it because I know he always gets my messages.

And to my surprise Bruce responded to my message right at that moment. 

Now, I’ve had many amazing experiences throughout my life but it never ceases to amaze me even when it’s the slightest sensation of nonphysical communication.  It was such a soft and subtle sensation.  If I had not slumped back in my chair for a momentary lull in the bustle I might have missed it, like missing a tinkling of a tiny bell on a busy downtown street. 

So here’s the sequence of it:

Me:  I slump back in my chair, turn to Bruce’s picture and say, “Just doing my part!” with feigned exhaustion.

Bruce:  Instantly in my mind’s eye I see Bruce rubbing his forehead, hear a short chuckle from him, and feel him thinking a feigned “Aye yi yi” in response to me as if he’s overwhelmed and bewildered. 

Me:  I chuckle out loud.  I instantly feel Bruce is here, and I think to myself contact after death is real, and it comes in ways you least expect it to, and oh my God I’m really feeling Bruce’s connection right now!  even though I already know it’s real but I’m still amazed.  Bruce taught me, you just respond and play along.  You can doubt and analyze later but for now just stay in the flow. 

So I quickly think back to him, “There’s just so much to do, I’m pulled all these ways, but I’m happy to play my part in commemorating and honoring you and happy to be a part of it all.”

Bruce: “Yeah I see the circus that’s going on down there.  Everyone scrambling around.  And I’m just enjoying the show!”   

A chuckle from both of us, and now I’m smiling at how easy this kind of communication works. 

Me:  “We’re all busy because of you!  Look at all that love you’re getting,” I quickly respond because it’s what I’m naturally thinking and I’m not trying to overthink what to say.   

Bruce:  Shaking his head in amazement and joy.

Me:  “Well I want to know what’s going on where you are, what do you see, what are you up to?”

Bruce:  “Oh my God, there’s so much going on!  I’m overwhelmed.  But in a good way.”  He says that with the accentuation of putting his left forefinger up in the air, one eye closed, and a raised eyebrow, so that I know what he means. 

“It’s a continuous celebration.  There’s so much to take in, so many people here for me.  And then I get pulled to focus on what’s going on there in the physical because of my death, so I spend time soaking all that in.  I feel everything, all of it.  And then my attention is pulled back here.  But it’s not the same thing as it would be for you in the physical.  For me it’s all happening at once but I can pay attention to it all at the same time.  His experience and my impression was that he was feeling pure joy.  There was no hurry or time constraint.  He was in the moment of it all, experiencing both these realities at once.

Me:  I’m smiling at this surreal experience.  “I hope you’re proud, and pleased!” 

Bruce:  For a moment, no words, but I feel his happiness.  Then he says, “Thanks for doing your part.”  And I get that’s why he communicated right at that moment when I said, “Just doing my part!”  He’s grateful for what everyone’s doing for him and because of him.  Feeling such gratitude.  I could really feel how proud he was that all this, both here and there, was because of him. 

That was it.  I’ll definitely try to tune back in to him another time. 


Bruce, you’re my best friend.  Thanks for the love and the laughs.  I’ll know we’ll have lots of visits again.  And I know I’ll see you again in the Everything Else.  Til next time. 

BRUCE MOEN'S 5-DAY COMBINED WORKSHOP

Partnered Exploration & Self Exploration, Discovery and Self Healing

FOR MOBILE:  Scroll down to click "View web version".

Taught by metaphysical author and lecturer Bruce Moen 

Sept 24 through 28, 2016 

Courtyard Marriott in Fort Collins

1200 Oakridge Drive

Fort Collins, CO 80525

Hotel rooms will be specially discounted for this event held at the Courtyard Marriott in Fort Collins, Colorado. 

TO REGISTER FOR THIS EVENT: 

Click the BUY NOW button.   

Bruce Moen will be returning to Colorado to teach two of his workshops in a combined 5-day course:  

Partnered Exploration Workshop Description 

This workshop builds upon the experiences and skills gained in the Exploring the Afterlife, for expanded exploration beyond physical reality.  It was developed to facilitate verification of information gathered during experiences for which no physically living authority exists.  You'll learn how to explore the places Bruce has written about in his books and verify your experiences as real.  You can read a more detailed course description to learn more about what's taught in this workshop.  

Self Exploration, Discovery and self Healing Advanced Workshop Description

This advanced workshop utilizes the tools, skills and experience gained in the Exploring the Afterlife & Partnered Exploration workshops to learn more about who and what we really are.  The focus of this workshop centers on the concept of Aspects of Self, fragments of our identity, who exist separated from our conscious awareness.  Some of these Aspect of Self exist due to traumas in our present lifetime, some due to events in past lives.  This workshop teaches concepts and exercises intended to retrieve these lost fragments of Self and to reintegrate them into our Identity as part of the process of becoming a more fully integrated, Whole Being.  You can read a more detailed course description to learn more about what's taught in this workshop.  

COST FOR THE 5-DAY WORKSHOP: 

The cost of the workshop is $325; however, a discounted price of $300 is available if paid in full by August 15.

REFUND POLICY: 

A full refund will be given if requested prior to September 1.

After September 1 only a 50% refund can be given up to one week prior to workshop.  No refunds within 7 days of workshop.

CONTACT:

Vicky Short

Email: persephone092470@comcast.net

ALLISON DUBOIS/MEDIUM TV SHOW

I study any form of ability that demonstrates using our nonphysical senses.  I love the show Medium as well as Allison DuBois’ books because I see a lot of similarities in how my own abilities work.  In this clip Allison’s daughter says, “I felt like I was guessing, it was so easy.”  And Allison says, “That’s what it feels like to be able to pull the information.”  

I don’t have it as easy as Allison DuBois, I have to continually study and practice.  But from my own experience I know that a feeling level is where nonphysical perception happens.  Information comes in on a feeling level that's so subtle you could easily miss it.  I get off course, or we lose the feeling, when I try to work from a thinking, analytical level.  So my continual practice is working on the balance. 

Sometimes in order to “pull information” (which is exactly how I describe the process in my own experiences) you have to find a way back to the feeling (or area of consciousness) of the information in order to perceive more of it.  My process is like searching my mind for what feels right, and then I stick with that feeling until I perceive more, describing to myself what I’m perceiving and feeling.  These two words, perceiving and feeling, become interchangeable for me as I continue the process. 

The overall process would be, like Allison’s daughter said, feeling like you’re guessing.  And I believe that’s because of the back-and-forth nature of balancing feeling with thinking.  In some rare cases I have had experiences that give me a flooding in of information on a feeling level so fast that it’s impossible to think about it while it’s happening.  There’s no feeling of guessing there…that’s what I call that knowing feeling.  I love the knowing feeling, love when it just happens that easily.  I’m learning to work with what I feel and trust the process of pulling out the information. 

FOCUS ON THE THINGS YOU CAN CONTROL

I often have a clear psychic connection while driving.  Maybe it’s because driving creates an altered state of consciousness without me being aware anything's changed, making the connection easier. 

The past couple of months I’d been more preoccupied than usual about some life issues causing me to worry about things I can't control.  And then yesterday before I left work I consciously told myself to drop the issues, get back to focusing on the things I could control, and to just pay more attention to my inner guidance.  

That intention helped me avoid a bad accident on the way home. You can call it an inner voice, psychic feeling, intuition, higher self, or whatever you want.  But my advice is just listen to it.  And though I know this, even I’m guilty of pushing it away sometimes. But yesterday I’m so glad I listened.  

While on my way home from work the guy in the big white van in front of me kept braking.  I couldn’t see around him so I wasn’t sure what his deal was.  We were in the far left lane.  Cars from the middle lane kept getting in front of him, so I knew he wasn’t braking because traffic up ahead was bumper to bumper.  

I wanted to change lanes but didn’t have a chance yet, but as we crested a big hill it gave me a chance to see ahead of him.  I saw no reason for him to be braking but since I was just a few blocks from my left-hand turn I thought I may as well just stay behind him.  But then I got a distinct feeling that said, “If you’re going to do that, then stay farther behind to avoid hitting him.”  I didn’t actually hear those words but their feelings and meaning were unmistakable. 

So I listened.  I fell back at least three car lengths between us, hoping no one would swoop in front of me since I know that my intuition only tell me need-to-know information and it usually comes only moments before an event or outcome.  In other words, because I got the psychic nudge, an accident was bound to happen. If someone else had gotten in front of me they would have been involved in the collision.

About thirty seconds later, at the bottom of that big hill, I saw the van’s brake lights again.  Now that we were at the bottom of the hill I couldn’t see around the van until a few seconds later a black truck in front of the van swerved to the left and came to a dead stop.  I knew right then and there an impact was inevitable, and as the white van swerved to the right it crashed into the truck.    

Because I had fallen behind as much as I did, I had plenty of time not only to avoid the collision but to also move around them on the left hand side, which had a full and empty left turn lane.  Why the black truck slammed his brakes and came to a full stop had me baffled.  There weren’t any other cars around.  The guy in the black truck was out of the truck and on his phone pretty quickly so I knew he wasn’t having some medical issue, which is the only reason I would have stayed at the scene.  Since I couldn’t see around the van at the time the black truck braked I really couldn’t tell whose fault it was...was the truck brake-checking?  Was the van tailgating?  I was just so grateful I got that psychic nudge to “stay farther behind to avoid hitting him.”  And so glad that I listened to it.  

MY ONLINE DATING TRIALS CONTINUED

I know that I haven’t been taking the online dating thing completely seriously.  But at least I’m trying it out.  My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to start my free trial earlier than my plan.  I just had to find out if the guy I winked back at and then accidentally “favorited” was the one who emailed me right afterward.

Good news…I had found a 7-day free trial online instead of the 3-day one they sent me in an email.  Cool.  Now I had full use of all the features for a week and a little more time to monkey with the site before I had to decide if I want to pay for a subscription. 

Bad news…My “favorite” guy didn’t write me.  But 5 others did, three of which were out of state, which made no sense to me.  Out of those 5 emails, 4 of them all sounded totally like standard form letters; none of them mentioned anything about my profile nor asked me anything about myself.  

One email simply said, “interested are you”.  No kidding, that’s all it said.  No caps, no punctuation, not even a complete sentence.  Wow.  And he was one of the two that was from my state!  

While I was giving the polite “no thanks” system-generated reply to all these guys, I got a notification telling me that Favorite Guy has just favorited me too.  No email though.  Hmmm.  Is he thinking that since I favorited him first that I should email first?  Mine was an accident.  There’s no way he accidentally favorited me too.  

Then one more email popped up.  Still not Favorite Guy.  This one was asking if I wouldn’t mind looking at his profile and telling him why none of the women he’s emailed have emailed him back, and is there something wrong with his profile.   

Really?  I would have been very offended had his photo not looked like a cross between Einstein and Charles Manson.  I didn’t bother responding.

I found out it’s a lot of work using an online dating site.  You spend a lot of time reading profiles and checking to see who winked at you or who looked at your profile. 

And then you have to rate your daily matches and you don’t get more until you do.  I know it’s all designed to pique your curiosity and entice you to initiate contact or respond to emails, but I’m not sure this is the way I want to go about finding a guy.

I decided to be more proactive at this since I had a free trial, so I found two men whose profiles I really liked and who I was physically attracted to.  I winked at both and emailed both.  After 5 days neither one of them winked nor emailed back, and only one of them viewed my profile.  

This time I really was offended.  One of them didn’t even view my profile!  Why not?  Wasn’t he even curious? Was he getting so many emails from other women, or was he sending out so many emails that he didn’t have time to look at mine?  And for both of them not to even reply, not to even send back the system-generated “no thanks” was just rude.  

"Favorite" Guy hid his profile without ever emailing me.  Now I wish I had emailed him.  He's either involved with someone nor or he's decided to take a break.  

I let the free trial run for 5 days and then I canceled it so that I could be sure they wouldn’t start the paid subscription package I selected.  Because I know I’m not ready for this.  I’m still not interested in actually going out on dates. 

Baby steps.  I’ve been taking baby steps all year, preparing myself in little ways that are opening me up to looking for a new relationship.  It’s been a slow process but I can feel myself getting there.  

THINGS I'VE TRIED TO FIND A DATE/RELATIONSHIP

Most of all I’ve tried praying, setting intention, manifesting, and the law of attraction.  They haven’t worked yet.  But I’m hopeful that things are still coming into alignment, and when the right opportunity comes it’ll happen for me.

This year during my cancer treatment I even tried getting to know one of my docs more personally.  It was invigorating and exciting, all the conversations we had getting to know each other, and I knew I had made the right decision in following my heart and my gut.  We are both really attracted to each other but he’s in a relationship.  He wasn’t happy in it and wasn’t sure it’s what he wanted but now plans to keep it.  I’m so crushed, but I’m proud for opening myself up that way.  It felt good just knowing I could have those feelings for someone again.

Recently I even tried an online dating site.  I have started and deleted these things about four times, but this time I went all the way in doing a profile and even uploading photos.  I just haven’t paid yet, still debating with myself.  So I don’t have full use of all the features.

I’m following the advice of articles online, like asking people I know if they know someone (a guy) who is single, great, cute, around my age, etc.  I’m glad no one has suggested anyone yet.  I’m not sure I could go on a blind date.  If it was a group thing then that would be better.

I’ve been thinking of places to go and things to do alone so that I can meet someone, since as my son pointed out, “Mom, with as young as you look and as old as I look, when I go places with you people just think we’re a couple.”  Good point.  He plans on getting a shirt that says, “My mom is single and she’s right next to me” and wearing it any time we’re out together.  It delivers two messages at once…that he’s not my significant other and that I’m available.  He’s so logical.  I need a version of him that’s relationshipable.  Or I need a male version of myself.  I really like all my qualities.

All this pondering about opening myself up to having another relationship (after 7 years of being divorced) is not what it was when I was young.  Finding someone is just as hard as imagining one.  I’m not sure what I’m looking for so it’s hard to know how to attract the right person.  I can only compare what I would like to what I already know.  Like the Doc.  He seemed perfect for me, but this is my problem….I so far only meet guys who are in relationships or married, or they’re too young.

I’ve been wishing I hadn’t kept on walking when the cute guy in the parking lot at King Soopers a few months ago said, “That’s a great umbrella!”  God, I wish I had stopped and talked to him, found of if he’s single, etc.  Why didn’t I?  I know why.  I wasn’t in a place at that time in my life for doing that kind of thing.  All I said was, "Thanks."  Besides, I was still hoping for the Doc then.  I should have said, “If you’re single, that’s a great pickup line!”  I wish I could think of those things in the moment.  Darn!  That would have been a great response.  Maybe I should walk around that parking lot with my umbrella and see if I can find him again.

Back to that online dating site…

I’m so dorky that I can’t even figure out how to navigate a dating website.  I’m still in the thinking-about-it-phase, not yet wanting to pay for the full service of the dating site until I have my profile done, my pics up, learning how to do searches, etc.  Because you see, you can get a 3-day free trial, so I’m thinking I’ll start that on my weekend so that I have time do really use it.  But so far in the meantime I’ve managed to screw things up already.  While I’m still not a paying customer, I’ve accidentally “Liked” 12 random “matches” all at once.  How the hell did I do that when I hadn’t even looked at their profiles yet?  That really messes up the whole concept of Tell us who you like, and we’ll send you more matches just like them.  So until I subscribe and pay, I won’t be able to delete those “Likes”.  Crap!

Then, I was checking out all the “winks” I have gotten so far in the last two days, and one of them was a guy I actually think is pretty nice looking.  So I got brave and winked him back!  Yikes, I can’t believe I did that!  But it was kinda fun.  So I figured I’d wait and see if I get any emails, even though I can’t read them or tell who they are from unless I pay, and when my weekend comes, I’ll start the free trial and then read the emails.  See what it’s like.  See if I like this whole idea of online dating.  Get a feel for it, you know?  See if the guy who I winked back at writes me.  I figure he winked first so he should be the first to email.  Either way, after the free trial I’ll try the 3-month subscription and give it a shot.

That was my plan, until…and I can’t believe I did this…I accidentally “favorited” the guy who winked at me who I winked back at.  Crap!  God, I can’t believe my bad luck.  I was on my cell phone at work, logged onto the site, looking at “matches” and the photo of the guy I winked back at came up, so I thought I’d look at his profile again.  I clicked on it, nothing.  So I click again, not realizing my phone was just slow because of my work’s slow connection, and his profile finally comes up.  But right where I clicked the second time was where his “Favorite” tab was, and yep, it now says that I’ve made him my favorite.  Crap!

Next thing I know there’s a new email in my queue.  But I can’t read it or tell who sent it until I pay for a subscription!  I’m thinking it’s probably him.  Ugh.  Now he thinks I’m flirting with him.  And what about those other 12 random guys I accidentally “Liked”?  The system sends out an email telling you that so-and-so has “Liked” you.  Grrr!  So it’s probably because of that that I have all these likes and winks.  I’m really missing the umbrella guy more and more.  But I keep telling myself maybe he wasn’t single and was just being nice.  I will never know.

By the way, a woman keeps popping up in my “matches” queue on the dating site.  That’s weird.  I’m not even going to click on her profile to find out why.  I might accidentally send some kind of message.

Am I the only person in the world who Googles how to use a dating site?  I feel so doofy doing that, but I can’t even call for customer service unless I pay first.  I’m at a loss.  Now I’m afraid to do anything on there.  Who knows what I’ll end up causing.

So if the wink/favorite guy is the one who just emailed me after I accidentally favorited him, should I tell him it was an accident?  I’m really not ready to go on a date.  It even says that on my profile page.  (I’m quite literal and very straight-forward).  My plan was to just see if there is someone I like, email or chat with him, and see how it feels.  See if I’m really interested.  And of course then I’ll need time to get to know him.  I mean, I wouldn’t just go meet someone not even knowing if I even think I might like him.  But then, it does take actual face to face contact to really tell.  Ugh.  I’m so not ready for this.  Where’s my umbrella?  

TRUST WHAT YOU FEEL

Two and a half years ago while getting my taxes done the third year in a row by the same tax preparer, she told me this would be her last year.  I remember noticing the palms of her hands had some kind of red rash that looked like the skin was missing a couple layers, and I wondered if some health issues related to that was the reason she was quitting.  She noticed me looking and she said, "It's a rash.  But don't worry, it's not contagious."  But that's not what I was thinking about when I saw her hands. 

What I was thinking was, she's on chemo.  She must have cancer.  I wonder what kind of cancer she has.  I knew better than to ask such a personal thing.  And too, I thought, maybe I'm wrong.  I didn't know anyone on chemo and had no idea if chemo actually caused that.  I remember thinking, I'll never know if I'm right or not. 

My skin reaction isn't as bad, but since being on chemo for my colon cancer and having the same peeling skin rash, I now know my intuition was correct two and a half years ago.  The message keeps coming to mind that I can trust my senses without second-guessing myself.  For the past few months, uncertainty about intuitive feelings regarding something dear and personal to me was recently cleared with validation.  And because of these two incidences it's really set in what trusting my intuition feels like.  Each time I look back on it I get the feeling of "trust what you feel."  It's as if, second-guessing for long periods of time before having validation really has a way of driving the lesson home.  I don't know if it makes more of an impact than instant verification, or if it's just the satisfaction of finally being validated. 

I’M BACK AND HERE’S WHAT’S GOING ON

Look how long it’s been since I’ve posted on my blog!  Almost 14 months!  I have a good excuse for my long absence though.  About nine and a half months ago I was diagnosed with colon cancer. Stage III with 3 positive lymph nodes.  The only reason I’m writing again is because I’ve slowly been getting back to my old self while dealing with the cancer treatment.  For a long time the cancer took over my mind.  Not the worry but just being busy with it, and being so tired mentally and physically.  But I’ve been getting back into all the things I love.  Chances are I’ll probably live many more years.  But the truth is none of us knows how long we’ll live.  This health scare changed my life for the better in so many ways.  One of them is that it has made me decide that everything I do, say, think, and feel should be an important, conscious choice.  No more putting things off, no more feeling sorry for myself, and no more wasting time.  Yes, I still play computer games and watch my favorite TV shows, and cry about being lonely, but I’m living in the moment instead of planning my future.  I don’t want to die with any regrets.  So I’m just happy to still be here, still enjoying the things I love doing, and I don’t want to waste any of my time worrying about anything.

I’ve even fallen in love with someone.  I never thought that would happen again, honestly.  I didn’t think it was possible for me to open my heart again.  And even though I can’t be with him (he’s with someone else) it just feels so wonderful to feel this way again, especially since I can tell he has feelings for me too.  Well, I don’t know exactly how he feels or what he’s thinking, but I can tell we’d be together if he were single.  And that’s enough to make me feel really good.

I don’t want to write too much about my cancer here.  I have another blog for that.  But, I should mention Rob.  I had a really good male friend (nothing romantic) who died from pelvic cancer. Well, he died from complications from his cancer treatment.  That was January 2012, so three and a half years ago.  I’ve missed him so much and miss him even more since I’ve been diagnosed with cancer.  I know I’ve felt him around me.  The feeling of Rob’s presence was really strong in the time around my colon surgery and through my recovery.  I felt as if his spirit was there helping me through it.  I loved the feeling, but it made me miss him even more.  It made me wish I had another great male friendship like I had with Rob.  Let’s face it, guy friends are great!  But when I started having feelings for the above-mentioned fellow (not Rob, remember, the other guy) I realized I want more than a friend.  I would love to have a relationship again!  I never, ever thought I’d want that, let alone have it.

I’ve been divorced and single for 7 years and my kids are in college now and both have jobs.  I’m ready for another relationship!   I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.  I just went through something huge…stage III cancer, radiation, chemo, surgery, more chemo, and soon to have one more surgery…all without having someone close to help me through it.  Ok, I have family and friends, but you know what I mean.  I mean that deep, close, personal love that only one person can be to you.  I want that again.  

Ok, enough about me whining that I’m still single and getting so lonely.  I’m just updating anyone who is reading what is going on in my life right now before I get back into my typical posts.  Typically I share my psychic and paranormal experiences, oh and sometimes some zany everyday experiences.  That kind of stuff.  Yep.  I’ll get back to doing that, promise.

RAVENOUS: DEVOURING OR CRAVING FOOD IN GREAT QUANTITIES.

Low-blood sugar is the worst feeling.  And it's a weird thing.  You're sweating profusely.  You can't think straight.  All your muscles get very weak.  You can't make decisions.  You have black spots in your vision.  You can't remember the words you want to say.  You're conscious but see pictures in your head instead of what's in front of you. And you get ravenous.

At its worst I hallucinate.  One of the recent worst episodes I've had was when I awoke from a nap and realized I was really low.  Made it down the stairs but by that time the hallucinations had kicked in. There were people in my living room at the bottom of the stairs guiding me into the kitchen because I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do.  It took me a few seconds to know they were hallucinations, at least having enough conscious awareness left to figure it out after I tried to ask them who they were.  They just told me "Go that way" and pointed to the kitchen.  Then I told myself, "Oh yeah, I need to eat something.  And they're not real."  It's a little weird.  My low-blood sugar hallucinations are always about people around me helping me, getting me up, getting me to eat something.  Maybe they are real.  Spirit helpers?  Maybe.  It's a nice thought.

Time gets really slowed down too.  One time I "came to" while standing in the kitchen staring at a jar of peanut butter.  I don't know how long I was standing there.  I had forgotten that I had to actually open the jar first.  Was just waiting for the peanut butter.

It can be funny when I wake up in the middle of the night with low blood sugar.  I only have vague memories of being in the kitchen eating when this happens but the real evidence of what went on comes the next morning.

One morning I was doing my usual thing, getting ready for work, when I noticed my lunch bag was already packed.  It had all kinds of stuff in it and I wondered how that happened.  Then I remembered I had a low blood-sugar episode during the night.  It explained what I'd found in my lunch bag!

Smarties, gummy bears, a cookie, caramel corn, marshmallows, Wheat Thins, Pop-Tarts, an orange, oatmeal, and a jar of peanut butter.

I don't remember doing that, but apparently while I was rummaging through the kitchen in one of my hallucinatory low blood-sugar ravenous states I must have thought it a good idea to pack my lunch for the next day.  Gee, how thoughtful of me!

IF YOU DO THIS, TRY THIS

I accidentally tossed the lid to the margarine tub onto a still-hot burner on my glass top stove.  Within seconds it started to melt.  I pulled it off and what was left was warped.  Boy, did I ever feel stupid!  I’m constantly reminding my kids, “Don’t touch that, it’s still hot” and here I go and do something like this.

Not only did my 3 pound tub of margarine now no longer have a lid, but the ink from the label had transferred to the stove top!

I tried to gently scrape it off while it was still hot but it was definitely stuck on there.  Even after it completely cooled, washing it didn’t work.  I didn't know what to do.  I was so embarrassed for having been so stupid.

Fortunately by pure accident I found an ingenious way to completely remove the impression!  A couple weeks later I needed to use that same burner--the little one in the back that hardly ever gets used--and when I was finished I didn’t even notice the stain on the stove was gone.  It wasn’t until I was loading up the dishwasher when I saw the back of the sauce pan I’d used.  The entire impression was now permanently imprinted onto the bottom of the pot!

WHAT NOT TO BRING

Sorry I haven't posted for a while. Although my psychic project and book are still coming along nicely I haven't been keeping up with blogging, and I'm sorry about that.  But I have some normal life stuff to share, funny stuff.  Gotta have a sense of humor to keep you going in life, right?

Ok, so last month I had to make a stop at the courthouse to pick up a form.  My ex surprised me with an official court petition to modify our child support, so I had to go get a form and file my response.  Anyway, I totally spaced it that there are security scanners at the courthouse.  Oops.

I had the kids with me.  Thought it'd be fun to take the long way there, highway 93, and let the kids each drive one way.  They loved it.  We had a blast.  Anyway, back to the security scanner.

If I had remembered the security screening I would have cleaned out my purse.  I can't even remember the last time I cleaned out my purse.  So of course, of all the people in line they pick me to pull aside to do an extra search.  Why?  That's just my luck.  And oh yeah, it was my purse.

So the guy stops me and asks if he can look through my purse, after it had already gone through the x-ray machine.  Of course I tell him yes.  I mean, do I really have a choice at this point?  My kids are standing behind me, Abby asking me under her breath why they want to look through my purse.  And of course I have no idea why.

He says to me hesitantly as if he's trying to figure out just the right wording to ask his question, "Do you have, like, a bunch of...change or something?"  And I'm thinking of course I have change, who doesn't?

So I say, "Why? Did you see a bunch of tiny little faces?"

Ok, I didn't really say that but I thought it and that would have been totally funny except the look on his face told me it wasn't the best time to be cracking jokes.

I simply said "Yeah I do."  I had to bite my lip not to laugh because I imagined saying the joke and it had me laughing on the inside.

So he was even hesitant to do the looking, made me open my purse and unzip another smaller purse where I have, yes, a bunch of change.  He then carefully looked inside, carefully combed his hand through it with his head tilted a little back as if he was expecting something to jump out at him.  It was then that it dawned on me that maybe certain devices hidden in change are undetectable on an x-ray machine???

He felt satisfied that I had no weapons or bomb-making materials or whatever he thought I might have hidden in all that change.  I have to admit, it was an awkward amount of change.  I really should clean out my purse more often.

He then proceeded to do a search of the rest of my purse, as if the I-have-enough-change-to-spend-hours-up-in-Black Hawk scene wasn't embarrassing enough.  So at this point Abby's leaning in my ear again, this time saying, "This is so embarrassing!  Even the sketchy-looking guy in handcuffs didn't get searched as much as we are!"  I said, "There's a guy in handcuffs?" a little too loudly.  Oops.

So back to my purse.  Let's see.  Besides all the usual stuff like eyeglass lens wipes, ChapStick, empty gum wrappers, and old sticky notes...I had 9 blue ink pens.  (Wow, no wonder I can never find a pen at home.)  Two used injection needles.  (Niiice! That looks great while getting singled out for a search.)  About 50 paper clips.  (I have no idea).  A light bulb.  (Really? Who carries a light bulb around in their purse?) Oh yeah, and a bag of gummy bears (emergency low-blood sugar snack. Two carbs per bear--easy to count the carbs that way) even though the signs clearly state "no food or drink beyond this point".

If all those things are suspicious for being dangerous for some reason, well I'm not smart enough to know how.

He pulled out the bag of gummy bears, held it up to the light inspecting it and said, "Don't eat those in there, you'll get in trouble," and he let me go.  It definitely was a little embarrassing.  But I'm glad he didn't make me throw away my gummy bears.  Love those things!

Yep, I cleaned out my purse when I got home.