My Near Death Experience

In 1998 a month before my 28th birthday, I was diagnosed with type 1, insulin-dependent diabetes. Learning to control and balance my blood sugar levels with injecting insulin, managing what I eat, and exercising has never been easy as every little change has an effect on either raising or lowering my levels.

One night in 2004 as I was going to bed, I had no idea that my blood sugar would be dropping dangerously low. It was around 10 pm that I went to bed. My kids were already sleeping in their rooms and my husband was out. I remember going to bed as usual, closing my eyes, and feeling sleep take over. The next thing I knew I floated out of my body. I was accustomed to having OBEs so at first I didn’t realize this was a near-death experience. I was instantly awake and I remember the feeling of leaving my body. My first thought was, “I’m having an out-of-body experience!!” The clarity of thoughts, emotions, and awareness was astounding and energizing. I felt amazing and so very excited.

I remember hovering supine over my physical body for several moments, reveling in how wonderful this feeling was to be out of my physical body. There were no other thoughts in my mind.

Then something caught my attention out of the corner of my eyes, just to my right and slightly above me. I turned and looked up at it. It was a beautiful bright light. It was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. I can’t imagine anything more perfect and beautiful. The first feeling I felt at seeing the light was how incredibly strongly I wanted to go toward it.

The light was coming into my bedroom as if through the ceiling, shining through a very bright circle of light. I had no other thoughts such as what it was, why this was happening, or how to reach that light. Just my desire of wanting it pulled me toward it. Even though I knew I was having an OBE and I was completely aware of my physical bedroom and my body below me, moving toward the light was all that mattered to me.

It was an effortless movement. I was now shooting toward the light, headfirst, arms at my side, feet below me, like a rocket. It felt like I was moving a million miles per hour. I remember thinking, “This is just like the tunnel that people who have died say they went through,” and still I had no thoughts about myself dying, no worries or wonderings about it. I was completely in the moment of my experience without thinking ahead or behind.

It really did have the appearance and feeling of being in a tunnel, which would have a 45-degree angle to it, not straight up, and I felt the feeling of walls encircling me. I couldn’t actually see any sides to the tunnel, but there was darkness around me, or perhaps the light above me was so bright that my surroundings appeared to be dark. But the light itself was always just above me at a 45-degree angle. And my head was tilted upward looking right at it. It didn’t hurt my eyes, and I never averted my gaze. I never took my eyes off the bright light, and all I could think was how much I wanted the light, how I couldn’t wait to get to the light. And happiness. I was feeling an extreme sense of happiness, joy, and excitement.

I also remember having no sense of time. I had no idea how long it was taking for me shooting through the tunnel up toward the light. It could have been 5 minutes, 5 years, or 5 hundred years. And to explain now why I think that was, I think it’s because while I was going through the tunnel I was completely only just in that moment. I think there simply was no such thing as time then, there, or in the light. Time didn’t matter or have any significance, as if it didn’t exist. I was in such a blissful state of being, that time had no meaning.

Then I was up at the top of the tunnel. I knew that where the tunnel had been was just to my right and below me, so that’s why I felt above it now. I don’t know if I was “in” the light but where I was didn’t appear that way, it just appeared normal. But then, coming toward me from my left was in intense bright light that defined itself into millions of rays of color as it came closer, stopping just next to me, and taking on the appearance of a close friend of mine who was as far as I knew still alive. His face came into view through the colored light rays, and he was smiling at me and giving me the highest, purest feeling of love. And then I noticed that I was radiating the same colored light rays of energy and love to him. I hadn’t noticed this was what I was made of until I saw it in my friend. His face looked like him but the rest of his “body” was energy made up of these beams of colors and light. I remember marveling at the beauty of it and wondering why we don’t have this many colors in the physical world.

We were communicating through thought energy, where our energy was transmitting the communication instantaneously, where hours and hours of conversation took place in moments, and I wouldn’t be able to put it into words. But one thing did stand out. He was giving me a gift. It manifested as a little tiny wrapped package that I was now holding in my hands. It was so pretty. When I looked at it in my hands my thoughts turned to thinking how pretty it was and that I couldn’t wait to open it to see what was inside. My friend lovingly laughed a little, saying that’s not the gift, this moment was the gift. His gift to me was him being here. He had heard I was here and he wanted to join me here. I didn’t really understand. I didn’t know how he knew I was here, or how he was able to be here too.

I looked out into the expansion that lay on the other side of the border on which my friend and I were standing. I was so happy here. I knew that I had been here before many times although I couldn’t remember any one particular time. It was just a feeling so familiar, like coming home. There was distinctly a border that I was standing on. The tunnel and where the light had been were to my right. My friend was to my left. Just behind me and below me was my bedroom and the physical world. The expansion before me was Everything Else. I knew that one step backward would put me back in the physical world and that one step forward would put me in the Everything Else. And I also knew that if I took that step forward it would mean not returning to my physical body, not finishing my life, and not raising my children. I remember thinking about that for a moment, and then deciding that I was ok with it. I knew that the passing of my children’s lives would only feel like about 5 minutes to me here, and then my kids would be with me. I knew without a doubt that I would see them again, that they would be here with me.

The Everything Else literally was everything. I knew that within it, that anything I could ever feel, or desire, or think of would be accessible to me there. I could do anything, see anyone, experience anything. I knew I had complete access and freedom there. I remember feeling extraordinarily happy just knowing that that expansion that lay before was all mine. It was all Me. And it went on forever. It was endless. It was the entirety of my being, and it was mine to have and to explore.

So my mind was made up. I decided to stay. Everything about this moment was so perfect. My friend greeting me here, his special gift to me, the beautiful colored rays of light and energy, and the feeling of pure unconditional love was so perfect. Knowing that I would be entering my Home with just one step was everything I wanted. I wanted nothing else but to enter my home.

My thought energy reply to my friend was, “I never want to leave.” And it was at that moment, as if I’d said something wrong, that I heard The Voice say, “Go back to the physical.”

What I call The Voice is an experience I had many times in my life of something that speaks to me like a real physical voice, giving me guidance and telling me things that I have no way of knowing. I had come to know it as one of the ways in which my psychic ability works in giving me guidance from my higher self. Here was The Voice now, here, in this place. I had no idea that anyone else was here with us until I heard it speaking.

When it spoke I was startled, and I turned to look. The sound of The Voice came from my right and slightly behind me, exactly where the entrance to the tunnel was. But I saw nothing. It’s always wonderful and incredible to hear The Voice but I was adamant that I was definitely not going back! I meant no disrespect to The Voice, who I’d always known and trusted as my Guidance, but I knew that this was my home and it just didn’t make any sense for me to go back. I felt I shouldn’t have to leave.

I turned back to my friend who was still looking at me, smiling, and beaming love energy at me. I remember thinking there was no way I was ever going to leave this place. I was here now, why go back? I had no intention of leaving. I was so happy at this moment that I couldn’t even imagine leaving.

I looked at my little gift still in my hands and I pressed it tightly to my chest. My friend gently said to me, “You can’t take it with you.”

The Voice said again, “Go back to the physical”. In that moment I realized that it wasn’t telling me what to do, it was telling me what was going to happen.

Suddenly I was being pulled backward so swiftly and with such force that there was nothing I could do to stop it. Going back wasn’t the same as being pulled toward the light. I wasn’t happy at all. I was trying to hold on to make myself stay there, to resist this force pulling me backward. All I could see was the colored light rays of my friend becoming narrower and smaller, and creating the same tunnel effect but this time the journey was nearly immediate. I felt myself thrust back into my physical body.

I was now lying in bed, still in the same supine position, lying on my back. My eyes were open. My bedroom was dark. There was no tunnel and no light. I couldn’t see my Home anymore. There was just the ceiling of my bedroom. I felt like I was going to cry, but I was so angry. I remember thinking, “That’s not fair! I didn’t want to come back! That was my home. My home. Why did you bring me there and let me see it but then make me come back? That’s not fair.” I lied there “trying” to make myself leave my body again but of course I couldn’t do it.

And then I realized my left arm was numb. I realized my blood sugar was low. I thought, “Was that what made me leave my body? Is that why they made me come back? I’ll just lie here then. I’m not going to get up and take care of my body. I’ll just lie here until I die again!” I remember feeling so angry that it was as if I were a child having a temper tantrum. But I knew it wasn’t going to work.

Why had I gone to that place? Was I meant to die? Was it an accident? Why was I sent back? Why didn’t I have a choice to stay?

When I did get out of bed and test, my blood sugar level was 63. It must have dropped low enough to give me this near-death experience but then must have come up enough again for me to still be alive. But is that what sent me back to my body? Or was it the being of The Voice that made me come back? And who is The Voice?

To this day of course I still have no idea why I wasn’t allowed to stay or why I was sent back. But as time went on from that experience I do remember feeling grateful for still being alive, still getting to be with my children. I eventually divorced my husband after having a traumatic and difficult marriage but life improved, and there have been many times where I’ve consciously given thanks for being sent back because I would have missed so much, not only so many life experiences but also so much of my own spiritual growth. I’m definitely happy that I came back.

And in thinking about it now, I’m also happy that I have full memory of my experience there. I really do believe that I have had several trips there but never not crossed the border. I can’t remember them. Maybe they were accidents, or maybe they were anomalies because I’ve had so many out-of-body experiences throughout my life. And because my friend (who to this day is still physically alive) was able to be there in spirit with me on that border, it also proves to me that I must have visited there before. We must be able to! Him coming there by choice, to greet me, as a gift to me…this is something so meaningful yet I’m sure I still don’t fully understand its implications. I did tell my friend about it but he had no memory of it. He believed me and he wished he could remember.

Part of me wishes I had all the answers but it’s also ok that I don’t, because knowing what I know now due to my NDE gives me so much comfort. All those questions I have are just curiosities.

What’s really important is that my Home is going to be there when I really do die and leave this physical place for good. And now I know that The Voice who has always guided me and given me advice about things I couldn’t possibly know is still there guiding me in the afterlife. Since this experience I’ve had many experiences of visits from loved ones who had died, so I know that we will always be connected with our loved ones. I imagine that if I had taken a step forward off the border that my deceased loved ones would have been there waiting for me. If it had really been my time to die they would have been there.

Because The Voice of my Guidance has always known what’s best for me, and because it told me, “Go back to the physical”, I know that I can feel comfort in trusting that that was what was best for me. Even though I’ve already made peace within myself about having been forced to come back, it’s still so very comforting to know and realize that my Guidance knows what’s best for me and is always looking out for me, even when I don’t know it’s there.

I will never forget how incredibly surprised I was that it was there. I had no knowledge it was there, not until it spoke and wanted me to know its presence. That must mean that my Guidance is always here with me, even when I can’t perceive it! I think that is one of the most reassuring and amazing things about this experience. We really are never alone!

FOCUS ON THE THINGS YOU CAN CONTROL

I often have a clear psychic connection while driving.  Maybe it’s because driving creates an altered state of consciousness without me being aware anything's changed, making the connection easier. 

The past couple of months I’d been more preoccupied than usual about some life issues causing me to worry about things I can't control.  And then yesterday before I left work I consciously told myself to drop the issues, get back to focusing on the things I could control, and to just pay more attention to my inner guidance.  

That intention helped me avoid a bad accident on the way home. You can call it an inner voice, psychic feeling, intuition, higher self, or whatever you want.  But my advice is just listen to it.  And though I know this, even I’m guilty of pushing it away sometimes. But yesterday I’m so glad I listened.  

While on my way home from work the guy in the big white van in front of me kept braking.  I couldn’t see around him so I wasn’t sure what his deal was.  We were in the far left lane.  Cars from the middle lane kept getting in front of him, so I knew he wasn’t braking because traffic up ahead was bumper to bumper.  

I wanted to change lanes but didn’t have a chance yet, but as we crested a big hill it gave me a chance to see ahead of him.  I saw no reason for him to be braking but since I was just a few blocks from my left-hand turn I thought I may as well just stay behind him.  But then I got a distinct feeling that said, “If you’re going to do that, then stay farther behind to avoid hitting him.”  I didn’t actually hear those words but their feelings and meaning were unmistakable. 

So I listened.  I fell back at least three car lengths between us, hoping no one would swoop in front of me since I know that my intuition only tell me need-to-know information and it usually comes only moments before an event or outcome.  In other words, because I got the psychic nudge, an accident was bound to happen. If someone else had gotten in front of me they would have been involved in the collision.

About thirty seconds later, at the bottom of that big hill, I saw the van’s brake lights again.  Now that we were at the bottom of the hill I couldn’t see around the van until a few seconds later a black truck in front of the van swerved to the left and came to a dead stop.  I knew right then and there an impact was inevitable, and as the white van swerved to the right it crashed into the truck.    

Because I had fallen behind as much as I did, I had plenty of time not only to avoid the collision but to also move around them on the left hand side, which had a full and empty left turn lane.  Why the black truck slammed his brakes and came to a full stop had me baffled.  There weren’t any other cars around.  The guy in the black truck was out of the truck and on his phone pretty quickly so I knew he wasn’t having some medical issue, which is the only reason I would have stayed at the scene.  Since I couldn’t see around the van at the time the black truck braked I really couldn’t tell whose fault it was...was the truck brake-checking?  Was the van tailgating?  I was just so grateful I got that psychic nudge to “stay farther behind to avoid hitting him.”  And so glad that I listened to it.  

BOOK EXCERPT FROM "THE PSYCHIC DEVELOPMENT PROJECT"

I was filling the coffee pot with water while staring out the window and watching a squirrel.  I decided to shake things up this time and started yelling "4!" over and over in my mind until the urge to stop yelled back.  I stopped the water and set the pot down to settle the water.  No surprise; it was precisely on the 4-cup mark, for the millionth time. 

Yelling "4!" in my mind was pretty creative, and I surprised myself when I did it.  Most of the credit had to be given to the fact that I was in a bad mood.  Yelling at something, even in my mind, was a product of my mood, and the coffee water was a safe target. And it kind of made me laugh at myself.  I wasn't really mad, but I was fed up with how easy it was for me to apply psychic ability to trivial things and little tests.  Why about bigger things?  How hard is it to open up psychic awareness for real life situations?  I appreciated that I had become so good at this simple use of psychic ability that I could now take it for granted.  But it made me think, I really need to be creating new ways of using and testing my ability.  Little tricks and tests were becoming way too easy for me.  I needed something more challenging. 

Little tricks like testing my psychic ability to tell me when the water level was exactly where I wanted it to be without looking or guessing were great practice.  I hit the mark every time, no matter how fast or slow the water ran.   And I wasn't counting or doing anything else to time the running water.  It didn’t matter what I used to “turn on” my psychic perception, it worked every time I applied my intention of doing so.  These little daily tests were becoming insignificant to me.  Still amazing, yes, but I needed to figure out more important uses for applying intention for psychic perception.  The coffee water had only been a test, one of many.  I'd use anything I could to practice my psychic ability on because, after all, being right wasn't my goal.  My goal was solely to learn in what ways my psychic senses could bring me information that wasn't coming to me through any of my other normal senses.  The easiness of my simple tests summed it up perfectly….all I needed was the intention of information through psychic awareness, and opening up the channel to receive it.  It didn’t matter to me how the information was conveyed, so long as I noticed it.  Whatever manner the information came to me, I accepted as a direct response to my intention. 

For instance, with the test of the running water, my intention was to hit the 4-cup mark perfectly on the line.  So sometimes the urge to stop the running water felt like the gesture of someone putting their hand up in the air, palm facing outward, the way a policeman does while directing traffic.  Sometimes the urge to stop felt like the feeling of rushing forward and suddenly coming to a halt.  Sometimes I'd choose something to stare at and wait for the feeling of my consciousness zeroing in on the object so acutely as if I were about to have an out-of-body experience.  In this morning's case, the urge simply felt like the feeling of someone yelling "stop."  It wasn't lost on me that my yelling was responded to with yelling.  I was the creator of my experience, and I was the creator of my Guidance.  My psychic guidance was given to me from me, just me in another perspective.  How could I use this concept to create more challenging experiences for my project? 

I stood there finishing making my coffee while contemplating all of this.  I knew that the signals I'd receive if I continue to focus my efforts at practice on the coffee water were quite possibly endless.  Or perhaps I'd grow accustom to one or two more than others and my own preferences would establish themselves.  But my goal in developing psychic ability wasn't to use it on the coffee water.  It was time for me to broaden my targets of practice once again. 

I thought to myself that most of my practice targets were related to things I was doing on purpose.  And the idea struck me that it would be intriguing to focus on opening psychic awareness in a more general sense, still related to what I was doing but without purposely having a known target and specific goal.  How could I do that?  It would be neat if I could just go about my day as usual but with an open frame of mind for receiving psychic awareness as necessary or beneficial to me, without me purposely targeting psychic awareness in the moment.     

Trying to come up with new and challenging ways of using, testing, and developing psychic ability was a challenge in itself.  I was kind of getting bored with just manipulating my abilities to tell me the results I wanted.  I wanted to use it for much more than that.  And it wasn't just a matter of manipulating my focus of awareness to see what lies ahead.  In a way, I wanted to combine the two.  So I had to ask myself, How can I get what I want without setting out for a specific goal or target?  How can I use my ability to not only receive a specific piece of information that can verify that my psychic perception is real and trustworthy, but also have it give me something that comes into my awareness based on what I am thinking, feeling, or doing naturally without having to force a specific target or goal in mind? 

I decided that today I'd just go with the flow of my feelings and thoughts, doing whatever I felt like at the moment the way a child plays, moving from one curiosity to another.  I set my intention to move the clutter of thinking and planning aside, and instead create an open-to-receiving, mindless state of being with the idea that I'd receive psychic awareness about my future events related to me that were helpful or beneficial but not something I specifically decided to target. 

Whew.  Does that sound complicated enough?  I honestly didn't even think I'd end up with any results, but I did. 

Standing in the middle of my kitchen, eyes closed, I let go of the feelings and thoughts which were causing me to feel emotional.  I let go of my typical impulse to plan out the chores and errands that I'd normally focus on.  I focused all my attention and awareness just on the present moment.  I raised my mood with some loving thoughts and asked myself what I felt like doing.  And then I did it.

I played Plants vs Zombies on the computer, ate the leftover bacon, washed dishes, polished all my glassware, and then began cleaning the kitchen counters.  I mindlessly stayed in the present moment of what I was doing without thinking about past or future events, worries, or emotions.  My next urge was to re-arrange my kitchen countertops.  I surveyed the space and studied my options.  Not much to work with.  But I considered that if I had another big glass vase like the one housing my ladles, then I could get those odd-shaped things out of my drawers, like the strainer, the meat hammer, the potato masher, and all those tall meat skewers.

Then the psychic thought came into my head, “If you go to the Good Will store, you’ll find an identical vase.”  I was skeptical, but couldn’t ignore the thought that had popped into my head.  It was an exciting feeling.  Would I really find an identical vase to the one I already have or was this just wishful thinking?  I was reluctant to allow myself to go on a little shopping spree especially since I'd just spent over $900 getting my car fixed.  I kept note of the idea in the back of my mind but decided to hold off on going shopping.

I then poured myself some coffee and sat down on the couch to watch television.  Nothing really interesting was on but a 10-minute workout infomercial caught my eye.  I sat and watched the entire thing, already convinced that I just had to have it but unwilling to justify spending $120 on the DVD's, recipes, and resistance bands.  I got up and moved the corner table out of the way and tried doing some of the exercises I'd seen.  It was hard to remember how to do them, and I didn't have one of those resistance bands.  Then I thought about the Good Will store and how if I went there for the glass vase maybe I'd be lucky enough to find a workout DVD.  The psychic thought came to me, “You won't find a DVD but you will find a good resistance band.”  Ok, now it was really getting exciting, and I had to try and curb my impulse to hop in the car and go.  I decided to hold that thought and really let it sink in.  Maybe this was all just wishful thinking and an excuse to go shopping in order to cheer myself up for the sad mood I'd been in lately.  I didn't want to give in to bad habits, especially when money was going to be tight for a little while.

I put the table back and went to take my shower for the day.  I decided that after my shower I'd work on putting my psychic development notes and book notes in order and into plastic page protectors so that I could file them into binders.  It was more than a year's worth of paperwork but it really needed to be done in order to make for easier organization of my psychic experiences.  But after doing my hair and getting dressed the mood struck me again for listening to my Guidance and heading to the Good Will store.  So I did.

Just as I reached the parking lot a psychic feeling hit me....that I was going to find a brand new box of those plastic page protectors.  Now that was hard to believe!  This had to be wishful thinking.   Why would there be brand new page protectors at the Good Will store??  I parked the car and went inside.  No workout DVDs whatsoever.  I moseyed around the corner of the aisle and found a nice 3-inch, 3-ring binder filled with brand new page protectors, and underneath it was a brand new box of 100 of them.  Wow!  That was quite a lucky find.  I made a beeline for the exercise and sports section of the store knowing that the resistance band I wanted just had to be there.  But I didn't see one.  Hmm.  I was so sure I had felt it would be there.  I decided to walk over to the section with all the vases and glassware and quickly scanned the shelves.  There on the top in the back row was the vase that was identical to the one in my kitchen. And there was only one like it.  Wow, that was pretty unbelievable.  I’d found two of the three things I was certain would be here. I decided to give it another shot at looking for that resistance band that I was so certain my Guidance had told me I would find.  And there it was, on the same shelf I had just looked at a few minutes earlier, staring right at me.  During the time I was looking for my vase someone must have put the resistance band here.  I quickly grabbed it and gave it a good look.  Perfect condition and the perfect size for me.  I had to give myself credit for finally developing my intuition to a workable, successful ability.

On any given day you can’t just find three uniquely specific things at the Good Will store.  It wasn’t coincidence.  It was Guidance. 

I believe we all get these guided suggestions on a regular basis, but most of the time we’re usually too busy to notice.  Or we quickly throw them out and call it wishful thinking.  We allow logical thinking to talk us out of listening to it instead of listening to our “gut”.  Most of the time those gut feelings are a way our Guidance is trying to get our attention.  If you notice, the way I received my “gut” feelings in this experience was having those psychic suggestions come into my mind literally as if spoken to me.  It’s always in second person, telling me “You will…”  I don’t think to myself in second person.  If I plan on doing something, the thought is like, “I think I should run a load of laundry.”  Or, “I wonder what I should make for dinner tonight.” 

From the looks of my progression of psychic experiences over the years, I can see that in the beginning I wasn’t getting the direct guided-thought kind of experiences.  I was getting inspiration or ideas, or gut feelings, or coincidences.  Like maybe, instead of the direct suggestions to go to the Good Will store I might instead have ended up going there for another reason.  Say perhaps while visiting my mom she might have wanted to stop there.  And while there I might have accidentally come across those very things.  And while coming across them I would feel myself thinking, “Wow, that’s neat.  I was just thinking about wanting to do some exercises with a resistance band.  Maybe I should get this one.”  Or, “There’s a vase that’s identical to the one in my kitchen.  That’s funny.  I should get it because it would not only match the one I already have but it would help me clean up some clutter.”  Or, “Wow, a box of brand new page protectors!  What a great find.  I certainly can use them, and it’s a fraction of what I’d pay in a retail store.”  I’d be happy for the lucky finds, and enjoy that “what a coincidence” feeling.  But I’d probably not have put two and two together and realized that I was guided to finding them. 

It has taken me several years to learn how to put two and two together.  And in that process I’ve seen the way my psychic coincidences, ideas, and nudges, have turned into full-blown visions, feelings, and words, being given to me seemingly from someone else!  Sometimes in the form of The Voice which sounds like someone speaking directly into my ear.  I think these are truly special and incredible experiences, and I’m grateful for them.  But I don’t think they are only for special or select people.  I really do believe that everyone has basic psychic ability and experiences, but developing your senses and skill is something you have to work on and want to work on.  There are genuinely some who are born so gifted that it just comes naturally.  But I’ve heard some of those people say, “What I do is a gift.  I don’t know how I do it.”  Well, I want to make people aware that the average person can do it too.  I want to tell you that you can have these gifts too.  Your senses of perception are what you make them.  If you want to have better eyesight you can wear glasses.  If you want to hear better you can wear hearing aids.  If you want to work on your health and strength, you can do things to improve them.  Well why not improve your psychic senses of perception?  What do you want to use them for if you could?  What do you think you’ll gain or learn from doing so?  How will it change you or your beliefs about reality? 

CHRISTMAS, A PSYCHIC FEELING, AND FLOWERS IN HEAVEN

I took a couple extra days off work this week to spend with my kids since they're out of school for winter break. I decided to let the kids have their Christmas presents on the 20th so they could enjoy them during the days leading up to the actual holiday because their dad would be flying with them Christmas morning to Florida for a week.

We had a good week of snacking, TV watching, game playing, and general lazing about...We're now on Season 4 of our Bones DVD marathon. Had prime rib. Started Settlers of Catan, Traders and Barbarians, and realized halfway through the game we weren't playing it right so we left it out on the kitchen table for another chance to get our heads on straight about it. It's still there. Had chicken and dumplings. Realized it would take longer than one evening to learn how to juggle; Abby gave up entirely. Had spinach and artichoke parmesan dip. Saw Indiana Jones and The Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time and discovered I do better with movies that have more dialogue than action but will give the other three a try anyway. Ate hummus. Loved the huge rose quartz crystal rock lamp my kids bought me. Had DiGiorno's. Painfully found out that the 27 dollar "Shock Ball" game my daughter wanted so badly isn't going to be played with because my children, after seeing my already nerve-damaged hands take the first zap and hearing the bad words that unintentionally came out of my mouth, are now too afraid to touch the darn thing. Watched Limitless, loved it. Had home-made enchiladas. Video-taped the three of us trying to get a Slinky to work; ironically none of us could. Finally figured out how to play Simon Flash. Had more Grapples; after trying these, I will never go back to regular apples again. Stuck a ruler in the still-falling snow, 10 inches already. Munched on peanut M&Ms. Realized we don't know the first thing about playing poker, but David thinks the professional-style poker chips are really cool anyway. Made a McDonald's run and came home with an extra unpaid-for Big Mac; finally an error in our favor! And we got my son's game room cleaned up and organized. No, this wasn't all in one day. Four days. I just appreciate the little things that make me happy. I really do.

I had to return to work Christmas Eve. Hadn't been there all week, so I missed out on the catered Mexican buffet, the box of See's Famous Old Time Candies, and the box of Nancy Adams Assorted Chocolate Pretzels. Don't get the free chair-massage either. Oh well. I had fun with my kids.

Something was sticking out of my desk drawer. It was a note, folded and stapled. I assumed it was a thank-you note from my co-worker for the comfy slippers Christmas gift I left for her before I left work Monday afternoon. I figured she hadn't gotten me anything and wrote a nice note instead, which was fine since she usually gives me any of her extra diabetic supplies she doesn't use. Like test strips...a real commodity to me. But when I glanced at the note wedged into the crease of the drawer, I suddenly got the feeling of "cash". It wasn't something I heard or saw in my mind. It was just a feeling. The feeling of cash. I thought to myself, now why would she have put cash in that note? That would be unusual and completely unnecessary. I wouldn’t even want my co-worker giving me cash for Christmas. That’s just weird. I want money just like everybody else, but I don’t want someone just giving it to me.

I recalled that on my walk into the building that morning I was reminded of a psychic experience this summer where my guidance directed me to quickly look up at a woman’s baby and at that very moment I saw the woman drop something from her purse. By the time I reached the spot where it fell, the woman was far away, enough so that if I had wanted to keep it I could have, except that it wasn’t the right thing to do. It was a hundred dollar bill, and I wouldn’t have kept it. I knew my Guidance directed me to it for the woman’s sake, not mine. But on the way into work as I remembered that experience, I wondered why I never have psychic guidance toward money. That would be exciting, but I’d only want it if it were truly meant for me. I wouldn’t want someone to lose it in order for me to gain it. I know, too, that my psychic Guidance isn't a frivolous thing.

Well, “cash” must have been on my mind for a reason, and maybe only because I’d been sort of worrying about it lately and been a little broke this Christmas. There’s no way there’s cash in there. That’s just too weird, and I’d feel weird accepting it even if there was. I turned on my computer, logged in, opened up all my applications, and made the coffee. Finally I pulled the note from its hiding spot. I couldn't get it opened without it tearing a little where the staples were. In it was a 20-dollar bill. Her note began “Merry Christmas” and said that instead of buying flowers for her sister in Heaven, she would rather the money go to me.

What a generous gift, and it didn’t feel weird to accept it because I was so touched by her sentiment. Cash for that reason was different, and humbled me a bit. In return, I sat and closed my eyes, imagining a beautiful bouquet being delivered to her sister, wherever she was, imagining her receiving them as a thank-you from me for my being the recipient of a beautiful gesture in her honor.

And then I thanked my Guidance for reminding me to trust. I didn’t need a hundred dollar bill. Twenty was enough of a little nudge to remind me that by trusting my feelings, I’ll always be in the right place at the right time for the really important things in life.

TIME HAS BEEN FLYING

It's been five months since I've posted! Besides the usual things of life, mostly I've been busy with developing my psychic abilities. I've been so focused on that and taking notes for my next book that blogging about it slipped my mind. I'm learning that I'm not developing psychic ability per se, but it's more about learning how psychic ability works and how my Guidance communicates with me. We all have psychic ability, so it's not so much about learning how to have it, it's about learning how to use skills that you already have. And we all have our own Guidance system working with us.

Guidance is the term I use to denote whatever it is out there who's guiding me...my own greater Consciousness, my higher self, the source from which my soul originated, and I wouldn't hesitate to include in there other beings and spirits who help, guide, and protect us. Whatever you call it or whatever it truely is, it's more than what I know my own physical self to be. We've all had an experience of divine intervention of one kind or another, no matter what our spiritual beliefs are. And since writing my first book, I've heard people tell me that even though they aren't sure what they believe in out there, they know we are not alone here in this world. There's so much out there to explore and experience, I know that for sure.

The amount of psychic experiences I've had over the summer has been enormous, all of which are verified, documented, and included in my next book. I've even had to take some time off from writing it just to let things sink in. I've found that things have been progressing so fast that my notes, writing style, and knowledge are changing week by week! If I look back on some old notes from a couple months ago I think, oh I'm way past that now. And that's exciting! As I write my notes, I'm including all the questions I have and all the possible things I conceive of why, how, and what if. And as I progress, I shrink that down into a more concise view of what I've learned and why it works. My next book will in one way develop as my new experiences do, but also will have to wait until I feel complete in what I've learned.

What I'd like to include in my next book is a more comprehensive overview of how others can learn to do what I'm doing. I'm excited about that. I'm also excited to continue on my own journey and also delve more into seeing, sensing, and communicating with ghosts, learning the art of retrieval, and of course my all-time favorite OBEs. I've been told I'm a little too detail oriented. I know that I do get a little technical at times, but that's how I learn. Hopefully I will be improving my writing skills along the way! It is my hope to pass on what I've learned and teach others what I'm learning about psychic abilities. Just from what I've learned so far, there's a lot more to it than just the typical beliefs. I'm finding how the psychic senses are connected with all the other spiritual and paranormal things I've experienced.

Even when things were really taking off this summer, I never let it go to my head. I really do not feel that what I'm learning is a skill or talent. Each psychic experience I have had has been an opportunity to learn about my ability to communicate with my Guidance and with other living human beings, and of course how they communicate with me. It's a two-way street. It's all interconnected. Everything we experience is something we took part in creating. And discovering the role our own consciousness plays is another component of learning about psychic development.

HEMI-SYNC AND OBES

A few weekends ago I had the opportunity to attend a TMI get-together hosted by my friend Matthew in Boulder, Colorado. He's an outreach trainer for The Monroe Institute http://www.monroeinstitute.org/ and was giving a free hemi-sync session at his house. It's a fun way to indulge in the group energy of those of us coming together with the same intent of exploring.

I drove up with Rob--one of my friends who's been to TMI several times--and after everyone arrived there were 12 of us including Matthew and his wife Janet. We sat in the family room getting acquainted and sharing a little about what we know of TMI and hemi-sync technology and other related topics.

When we got ready to begin the first session, we broke into pairs to each share an MP3 player that Matthew had pre-programmed with the hemi-sync tape he wanted us to hear. We all scattered around the house to find our own spots and set out our comforters and pillows to get ready for the session. The tape we listened to is called Metamusic, this one named "Higher" and is very relaxing music with hemi-sync. This effect alters your brain waves, and I believe that typically hemi-sync works to give you the theta brainwave state, although I don't know this specifically. All I know for certain is what I know from my old days of experimentation with the Theta state and the quick effects it has on producing out-of-body experiences.

After getting comfy, it wasn't long before my partner James was breathing heavy and then snoring. I wondered how long it would be before I became that relaxed as well, but I knew that it's very easy to fall physically asleep without even realizing it. So far, though, I hadn't heard myself snoring so I wasn't yet as physically relaxed as I wanted to be. I mentally set my intent for something specific I wanted to experience during this session--a question I had in mind because of a recent OBE I had had the week before. It had been one of those "high" OBEs, what I have come to call a spiritual OBE in order to differentiate it from the more common classic-type out-of-body experiences I normally have. These spiritual ones have been ongoing for me over the years and seem to be telling me a story or preparing me for what's to come. I'm obviously still in the process of learning whatever they are all about, which is why I was left with a huge question after this last one. (I've mentioned a few of these OBEs in my book, Persephone's Journey). So my mental intent was to ask specific questions about that experience...Was the message I received really from my higher self, or was it just something that my subconscious mind made up and superimposed into my experience? How can I know for sure? How can I trust it was real?

After a few minutes I didn't hear my partner snoring anymore but was still aware of him lying next to me. What happened next told me I was already under the effects of the hemi-sync. Bruce was suddenly there next to me, tugging at my sleeve. I imagined looking over at him and saw him smiling and excited like a little kid who wanted to go play. "Bruce, I'm busy. I'm trying to do Matthew's workshop. We're listening to hemi-sync right now and I'm trying to have an experience." Bruce didn't seem to care, and he continued to tug and pull at me. I realized it wasn't really Bruce, not physical Bruce. This was nonphysical Bruce. "C'mon Vicky," he said. "Let's go have some fun." Just in case I was making all this up, I wasn't treating this experience as a true altered state of consciousness...yet. (Sometimes it just takes me a little while to figure out what’s really going on).

I wasn't budging. I wanted to remain focused on the Metamusic and give serious effort at exploring. I wanted the hemi-sync effects to take me away. What I didn't realize was that experiencing Bruce tugging at me meant I was already under its effects.

I tried once more to ignore Bruce beside me who I considered might only be just my imagination and not real. But ignoring him didn't make him go away, not for long anyway. Nonphysical Bruce flew out through the family room window and out into Matthew's back yard. He did a flip off the back porch and I thought, Ok, I'm definitely making this up. I need to just concentrate on the tape.

I focused my attention back to the tape, but it wasn't long before Bruce came floating back in and hovered next to me, which would have placed him directly on top of my partner. "Vicky, come on. I could show you some fancy ways to fly. It’ll be fun," Bruce said, tugging on me again. It was now slowly beginning to dawn on me that I wasn't making it up.

My ability to hear the tape came and went between focusing either on the tape or on Bruce. That, combined with how easily I perceived Bruce, was a good indication this was all real. Wait a sec, I thought. When I sent away the impression of Bruce before, which I thought was just imaginary and not real, he flew away. And now he’s back. Maybe this is real. Maybe I should just go along with this and see what happens. By trying so hard to have a nonphysical exploration experience, I didn't recognize I was already having one, until the idea came to me to just go along with whatever I was experiencing. Bruce's spirit was really actually trying to help and I hadn’t realized it until now. Now I realized that if I only focused on lying there waiting for something real to happen, then all I would experience is waiting for something to happen.

So I finally gave in and said "okay" to Bruce and nonphysically gave him my hand. I instantly floated out of my body and we flew away. I remembered nothing of our flying experience and what seemed only moments later, I found myself back in my body still lying there listening to the music. One little bit of confirmation of these types of nonphysical experiences is that while they are taking place, I'm not able to physically hear the music playing. Once back in my body, however, the sounds of the type are right there again. I smiled to myself, telling myself I'd have to remember to let Bruce know of his silly antics today. That is, let physical Bruce know, despite the fact that he'd have no memory of it.

Much to my surprise, my finally trusting the experience of Bruce as real must have blown my nonphysical perception wide open. Without any notice at all, I was now much deeper than I realized because a moment later Matthew walked up to me and knelt down in front of me. It was very awkward indeed, and I realized he was pretty much kneeling over my face. "Matthew! What are you doing? You're in my face!" This was weird. It looked like he was actually kneeling on my chest, yet I didn't feel a thing.

"It's ok. I'm making adjustments to your headset," he told me. It didn't make sense Matthew would actually be bothering me this way and it certainly was impossible for him to be physically kneeling over me like that. I realized this was nonphysical Matthew just as I’d experienced nonphysical Bruce a few moments ago. My perception, though, was now as clear and real-looking as that of physical-reality seeing. I must be out of body, cool! I'll just wait and see what this leads to, I thought to myself. I definitely wanted to continue trusting my experience and open up my nonphysical perception even more.

After nonphysical Matthew was finished making his necessary adjustments, he suddenly disappeared and the next thing I knew his wife Janet walked over to where I was lying on the floor. She quickly came around to my right side, reached down, and yanked my comforter out from under me in one quick swoop.

Hey! That's my blanket! I wonder what she did that for. She knows I was lying on it, I thought to myself, at first believing it was physically happening but then realizing it was all nonphysical. Because of the previous two experiences with nonphysical Bruce and nonphysical Matthew, I realized quickly that this was nonphysical Janet. Obviously they were all playing a role in inducing some kind of experience for me. I went along with it, knowing this had to have something to do with answering my questions I asked at the beginning while setting my intention.

Janet shook my blanket up into the air, the way all of us moms do when we're tucking our kids into bed. Because of my intention to just go along with whatever I experience, I continued to watch to see what was going to happen next. I fully expected my blanket to come gliding down on top of me, and while waiting I had that excited feeling my kids must feel when I do this to them. Even at the age they are now, 12 and 13, each of my kids still loves to feel silly this way, still asking me once in a while to shake the blanket into the air over the bed. As I watched, though, my blanket didn't come down. Janet held onto it as it slowly began to continue floating upward and out of her hands. By instinct I thought, My blanket! and I felt myself reach up into the air to grab it. Again I floated up out of my body.

This trick by nonphysical Janet had been a good one. It worked. Although I still felt as if I were lying on the floor, I instantly knew I was nonphysical Me. Not being able to hear the hemi-sync tape again was another indication that I was indeed under the full effects of it. A moment later something very heavy landed on my lap. I felt it plop onto me with a thud. I knew it had to be something nonphysical, and my instinctive reaction was to sit up and see what it was. I felt myself sit upright and look down into my lap, but I couldn't see my physical body. Oh yeah, I'm out of body. This is a nonphysical experience, I thought to myself. (I’m so used to using my physical instincts that I can sometimes easily forget that I’m out of body).

Laying across my lap was a huge book. I could clearly see the title of it, which read "I Don't Even Need To Know The Facts". I realized this was in direct answer to my questions I posed in my intent to know more about last week's spiritual OBE message I'd received. I chuckled to myself when I read the title. I knew exactly what it meant. I knew this book was a gift from my higher self as a way to answer my questions. I found it humorous that my higher self would deliver a message in the form of a book since I'm working on getting a book published. This nonphysical book with its vague title made me realize that I was spending too much focus on asking the wrong questions. I got the distinct feeling at that moment that the message delivered in my spiritual OBE was indeed a real message and that I just needed to trust and have faith. "Don't worry about the details", this book seemed to be telling me. "Focus on trust." This book was huge...a lot to be said about trust!

After the hemi-sync session was over, I felt very satisfied that I indeed had had a real experience and that it definitely answered what I'd set intent for. It's also fun to note that we each nonphysically are there working as guides and helpers to each other. Physically Matthew and his wife weren't aware of their nonphysical actions that helped facilitate my experience, just as Bruce rarely is aware either. But this is the nature of nonphysical exploration. Just another neat little tidbit that I love to point out.

CONTACT FROM A DEAD FRIEND

A dead friend came to visit in an unusual way, making himself known in my awareness by popping into my mind a memory from some twenty years ago. It was the type of memory that you would have no reason to think about unless something triggered it. But I could think of no logical trigger for this particular memory.

The memory spontaneously played in my mind's eye as if I were watching a recorded silent video version of it, all from the same visual perspective of the eyes of my 17-year-old self. As I watched the replay I remembered the moment as clearly as if it had just actually taken place. It made me laugh at myself, remembering my impulsive youthfulness that sometimes got mistaken for arrogance I suppose. I was having fun, being as spontaneous as this odd flashback of a memory.

At the time of the flashback, I didn't consider it a visit, just a memory. I didn't realize it was a direct answer to the intent I’d set in requesting Guidance to help me learn to make contact with the deceased. After all, I had no reason to think this friend from my past was dead.

The next day I happened to be browsing a website for my upcoming 20th high school reunion and the announcement section caught my eye. His name was there, listed as deceased…the friend from the spontaneous memory the day before. I couldn’t believe it. Could the spontaneous memory flashback have anything to do with him consciously deciding to contact me from the other side?

I sat there thinking hard about what I was doing in the moments just before the odd memory flashback had popped into my head. And I remembered that I was sitting at my desk, browsing Bruce’s website, http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/, and had read his response to a question about the use of a Quija Board for contacting your spirit guide. That conversation got me thinking about my wanting to contact my own spirit guides. (I already obviously believed in such contact because of my many previous experiences).

So I closed my eyes, took some deep relaxing breaths, and I set the intent that I'd like to have my Guidance help facilitate my practice at learning after-death communication. I asked Guidance to give me an experience where I'm in contact with a deceased person and to help me learn to recognize such an experience when it happens.

Now that I realized the odd memory flashback had occurred right after I set that intent, I was excited that I had gotten a direct experience that was exactly what I'd asked for. But I was disappointed in myself that I had failed to recognize it for what it was.

My friend Bruce tells me all the time, "Vicky, you need to pay attention to the very next thing that comes into your awareness, no matter what it is, even if it doesn't seem to fit or make sense. It will almost always be in direct response to what you were just thinking, asking, or intending."

Because I failed to recognize this after-death contact at the moment it happened, I wanted to find a way to verify that it was indeed genuine contact. Then I got an idea. I'd ask a test question, whose answer must prove that this sequence of events had indeed been a tailored experience and was indeed conscious contact from a dead friend. So I relaxed, set intent, and spoke to my Guidance again. This time I said, "Can you please show me something that proves to me the contact from this deceased person was real?" I waited but seemingly nothing happened. Well, as I've been learning, something did happen, I just failed to notice it…again.

In the most splendidly orchestrated way, the next thing that actually popped into my awareness was—not so ironically—another spontaneous memory of another friend from long ago. This memory, however, went back much farther than some twenty years. This memory went back all the way to the first grade. That would have made me around 7. That would place this memory back in time about thirty years. I knew instantly that there was no other logical trigger for this memory. The sequence of events played perfectly in my mind's eye, forcing me to relive a moment of my life from way back when.

Again, I failed to see this second spontaneous memory as an answer to the question I had just posed to my Guidance. I also made the mistake of not seeing this memory as a connection to the previous experience. Although they were very similar odd experiences, I wasn't aware of what was in store for me.

The realization of the connection, however, came a few hours later that day when I received an email from a woman who was the girl in my memory from first grade. Her email gave her phone number, and when I called she said she'd been thinking of me for a while, wanting to find a way to contact me. Finally she found my email address because of the high school reunion website. It had indeed been many years since we'd been in contact.

Well, if that isn’t a direct answer then I don’t know what is. The odds were way beyond mere coincidence. A memory of her popping into my mind just hours before she contacted me was not something I'd brush off as mere coincidence. It was a definite sign from my Guidance, letting me know in a very clear way that my experience of having the thought or memory of someone popping into my awareness was an indication of that person’s intention of contacting me.

Obviously with these two identical experiences, it didn't matter whether the person was dead or alive. Because I had no real way of confirming the first contact with the person now known to be deceased, I couldn't verify that he was actually intending contact with me. But because the second, living person could verify her desire to contact me, it gave me enough verification to trust this type of experience as an indicator of conscious contact.

Bruce is right. When there is something that comes into your awareness immediately after placing an intent, you can almost always count on it being in direct answer to what you were just thinking, feeling, asking, or intending. Our Guidance does this for us. And the way we perceive and receive information coming into our awareness is a filtration process that comes to our conscious minds in a way which we can recognize. Paying attention to this process is key.

I’ve noticed this throughout my life. And I'm sure many people have too, but we always tend to call it coincidence. You think of someone you haven't seen or talked to in a long time. Then suddenly the phone rings, and it’s them. What a coincidence, we say.

Dead or alive, we're all connected that way. Our thoughts and intentions really are powerful things.

ENERGY BALL

Recently I've been researching, trying to learn how to get back to the fundamentals of using my Guidance and psychic abilities. I notice the patterns in my life, that sometimes I'm in that state where everything goes right, I have nothing but good luck and happy coincidences, and I feel very connected to my Guidance. Then things change and I'm out of phase with all that. So lately I've been focusing on how to consciously make the effort to put myself back in sync with that state of awareness where I feel connected and guided.

Some things have been coming together for me in this regard. A couple months ago it began with me questioning a psychic acquaintenance how she does her work, what the process is. She gives psychic readings by connecting with people's deceased loved ones. The way she receives her information is by hearing her own guidance speak to her...in a voice. Well of course I was intrigued when I learned this, because that is exactly how I experience my own Guidance which I call, The Voice. She said her process is simply to decide and know that when it's time for her to receive information, she will receive it. She sits down, turns on her tape recorder, and the process begins. That seemed way too cut and dry and simple to me. And she said that it really is, and it was this way because she designed it that way. That's what works for her. Her advice to me, in desiring to do this type of work (and my various other plans and ideas), was to simply create my own technique.

That got me thinking for quite some time that that wasn't all there was to it. A technique is a process of steps that carries you from your desire to your goal, but the magic doesn't lie in the technique itself. And after I finally realized this, I could see why she told me to "create your own technique". Ah, now it made sense! In creating my own technique, I was essentially placing intention for that which I desire--and that intention would become incorporated and embedded in every thought, every feeling, and every maneuver of my technique, whatever that technique may be. So it wasn't the technique, per se, that did the trick, it was my intention.

But it wasn't that easy for me to figure this out. I still had a ways to go. After mulling this create-your-own-technique thing over for several weeks, I finally got to another step that I hadn't seen coming. But now I realize it was another piece of this puzzle. My friend Bruce was helping me pinpoint what exactly it is that I want to learn to do. I had so many ideas but hadn't really focused on one thing. He said that's the idea, focus on one thing and that's the thing that will begin taking off for you. Oh. I keep forgetting that. I really needed to focus my attention on one idea or desire and put my efforts there. So I made a list of some things and found that getting re-acquainted with that feeling of being connected to my own feeling of Guidance was at the top of the list. I figured once I became successful with my goals there, it would take a lot of the edge off and make my other goals easier, especially since this part of my spiritual life was something that could sometimes make me feel very lost without it.

So now that I had some solid plan in mind of what I could be working toward, I was back to thinking about the technique process I was supposed to be coming up with. As usual, I make things way more complicated than they need to be. And in the process of coming up with a technique, it got me more interested in my second-most important spiritual practice goal. Healing. Healing has always been a huge interest and passion of mine. And I've actually had some amazing results with various experiences that have to do with healing. So I began to think in terms of combining my desires and efforts to put these two things together. Maybe one way I could use my connection to Guidance was to work on giving healing to others. After all, healing was as big of a desire of mine as connecting with people's deceased loved ones. Maybe there actually can be a connection for the two--this is getting exciting.

Anyway, back to my technique. One night out of the blue, for fun, I began playing with the sensation of energy between my hands. You know where you place your hands close together, palm sides, and roll your hands around in circular motions until you feel an energy feeling like two magnets repelling each other? I call that my energy ball. I never really thought about what it is, other than a sensation of my own energy. I found that while playing with it, trying to intensify the energy feeling and make it stronger, I was visualizing it (eyes closed) and concentrating on the feeling of actually creating this ball. That kind of concentration and visualization effort reminded me of what it feels like to be connected to my Guidance feeling, really being in the moment.

So that in itself had become a technique I could use. Having that center of focus absorbed my attention and concentration, while pulling my attention away from all other thoughts. I realized why a center of focus was necessary and why it worked in visualization and guided meditation. I noticed that kind of calm and relaxation were the same types of feelings as when I pray, plan goals, work through a problem to find a solution, send love to someone I care about, and set intention for my goals. Then I realized, if this kind of feeling reminded me of all these things, then the technique for getting here acted as a center of focus for directing my conscious awareness to whatever I wanted. As long as I had something that I could concentrate my attention on, it greatly enhanced my ability to focus my thoughts away from all the things that normally distract me while meditating.

I began practicing with imagining infusing my energy ball with healing energy, so that I could then imagine using that energy to send healing to my sore hands and fingers. (Have had trigger fingers for quite some time, very painful). Doing this each day worked on relieving the pain, but I found I enjoyed working with the meditative process more than I cared about curing my pain! My interests quickly maneuvered me to wondering what else I could be doing with this concentrated effort of focused attention. After a lot of playing and practice with the energy ball feeling, I found that my hands and arms would become tired too easily to continue physically creating and feeling the ball, so I turned my attention to just imagining the energy ball feeling. After all, the technique wasn't the important thing per se, it was the intention. As long as I had a way to get my attention focused in the state of mind I was looking for, the technique didn't matter. I found that my practice had made it easy for me to just close my eyes, imagine myself doing the energy ball, and it would bring on the feelings of my connection to Guidance and the feeling of what Bruce Moen calls Placing Intent Consciousness. The practice of it had made a feeling connection that I could quickly attain just through the desire to do so.

Now I was beginning to see what Bruce means when he reaches connection with a person who is deceased simply by desiring to do so. He just thinks or says their name, with the desire to connect with their area of consciousness, and he's there. It is the same with my new practices I was working on. As I continue working with it, one of the things on my "to try" list is to use my new technique for making contact with someone deceased. I'd also like to utilize these efforts for more healing work, something along the lines of Reiki I suppose (although I've never studied it). I'll keep working on my ideas.

My desire to come up with my own technique was really beginning to show some promise. I not only came up with a technique that could easily focus my awareness, but I also quickly learned to make it work for me as instantaneous as a mere thought. Now all I need is opportunity to put this to some use. If I was going to do what my psychic acquaintence friend did with doing readings for people while communicating with their deceased loved ones, then I'd need to practice on people. Same with practicing some energy healing work. I'd need to practice on someone. I'm definitely going to utilize this for doing retrieval work as well (http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/).

MORE ON GUIDANCE

Last week while I was reaching into the linen closet, a question casually crossed my mind which I thought of asking my friend. Suddenly my Guidance spoke up and suggested I wait, because my friend would be emailing me the answer to that exact question soon, when he was ready. That was the feeling I got, and so I decided to listen to it. Too often my ego and its accompanying emotions barge in and push that Guidance feeling out of the way, and either I ignore it or I don’t hear it altogether. As it turned out, several hours later that evening, I received an email from my friend telling me news that was the precise answer to the question I was wondering. The timing and the preciseness of it was too uncanny to be mere coincidence, and recognizing that old familiar Guidance feeling couldn’t be mistaken. Oh boy, that got me excited. I’d been in such a slump for a while now that I was spending pretty much every waking moment mentally yelling “Where is my Guidance and why aren’t you talking to me?!”

I love how it sneaks its way in when I’m least expecting of it, like when I’m moseying around the house not mentally yelling “Where’s my Guidance?” I need to remember that.

I spent the last four years working on writing a memoir-style book on my paranormal and spiritual life experiences, and it wasn’t until writing everything out that I realized how prevalent that thing I call my Guidance was in my life. I adopted that term from my friend Bruce Moen. He's written five books on the subject of afterlife exploration. His website is http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/. Most of what I’ve learned I attribute to his teachings and the great influence he’s had on my experience with the paranormal. The way my life has changed now, it’s a pretty common conversation for my circle of friends to be discussing what we do nonphysically. And I think that’s one of the most important things I’ve learned from Bruce, is that we are already living nonphysically. This physical world and our physical selves are not all there is. It’s taken me a few years to really grasp that concept, and I’m still learning, still asking questions. And Bruce is always patient with me, explaining things again as many times as I need it. In today’s conversation about that topic he said there is nowhere that I don’t already exist, and exploring nonphysically is just a matter of shifting my focus of attention there.

So that’s where my thoughts are focused these days, shifting my focus of attention and awareness back to that old familiar feeling of what I call my Guidance. I’m finally beginning to understand it now. It’s my connection to my higher self, all aspects of my own Consciousness. Those psychic experiences I’ve had all my life, in all their various forms, are all times when my physically-focused consciousness was connected with my higher Conscious self and able to pick up information I’d usually have no normal means of knowing. For years I used to wonder who was responsible for giving me my psychic information. It was me! All those instances of psychic clairvoyant visions, ESP, psychic dreams, OBEs, and hearing The Voice of my Guidance—all that information was coming from another perspective than what this limited physical world self could know. I look at it that my higher self perspective sees the bigger picture, whatever that may be, while the me here in the physical world perspective has to live moment by moment through time and space.

Bruce always reminds me too that exploring nonphysically requires the use of nonphysical senses to be able to interact there. As I think about it, we use nonphysical senses here in this reality all the time too, but we just don’t really think about it. An example of what I mean happened the other day. I had just cleaned out my daughter’s closet and found an old back pack filled with seashells. I mentioned this to her and then put the pack back in the closet. Later that evening, she wanted to look at the seashells and asked me to go get them. I went into her bedroom without bothering to walk all the way over to turn on the light. I knew I wouldn’t need any light to find what I was looking for. Because I had been the one who organized her closet and had located the seashells, I knew exactly where they were. As I reached into the dark closet, being completely unable to physically see a thing, I thought to myself, “I can’t see it but I know it’s there” and in my mind’s eye I saw exactly what I was doing. I didn’t need the bedroom light to be on for that. I realized I was using nonphysical senses to find what I was looking for. And it also made me realize that while I’m trying to explore nonphysically, I shouldn’t get hung up on struggling to find what I’m looking for. If I can pinpoint my intention of what it is I’m after, then I can easily find it. It’s just a matter of reaching out for it, like the intention of reaching for a bag of seashells in a dark closet. Exploring nonphysically is just a matter of knowing exactly what you want and shifting your focus of attention there. I’m going to remember that the next time I’m focusing on exploring. Just reach out and grab it. It’s there.

Making those connections to my Guidance is what I’m working on these days. Instead of waiting for it to happen to me again, I’m consciously bridging that connection as often as possible now, practicing that process, recognizing that feeling, and living and creating in that area of consciousness. It’s an exciting realization for me…to finally actually realize that those gifts of psychic, paranormal, and spiritual experiences I’ve had all my life weren’t just bestowed upon me by some kind stranger who took pity on me or felt I deserved some grace of kindness at the moment. I had had an inkling all those years that one day I’d be learning the reason behind all those weird and wonderful experiences. I’d hoped that they were there for a reason, all leading up to some grand realization.

And as whenever I learn something new, I still find myself hoping that there’s still a lot more to learn.

PERSPECTIVE

Back in 2004 is when I really first began choosing to learn meditation. I didn't really have an idea of how to do it but had been reading books about it. I wondered if there was a correct way to meditate, or a formula to follow. As usual, my analytical mind was taking over too much, and I was making it way more complicated than it needed to be. So I thought, I have no idea what it means to raise my vibration or raise my awareness, but I'll just go with the intention that that's what I'm going to do. Late one morning home alone, I relaxed my mind and body, and set my mind with the intention of learning how to meditate and connect with my spirit guides. All the books say we all have them, and I wanted to communicate with mine.

I soon began to doze off. Now and then I'd lightly awaken and then quickly "put myself under" again. After quite some time I woke from a very deep, restful sleep and feeling as if I'd been very, very far away. I slowly opened my eyes and noticed the sunlight shining through the windows was a soft golden color as if the sun had made a point to shine more prominently than normal into my bedroom. For a moment I felt very lightened by the effect as if a huge weight had been lifted off me. And suddenly in my mind's eye I saw a clear picture of a marijuana leaf. Being naturally gifted visually, I wasn't shocked I was able to see such a clear vision in my mind; however, it being a marijuana leaf baffled me. That's marijuana, I thought. I wonder why I'm being shown this. I don't have anything to do with drugs. This doesn't have anything to do with me. My feelings were such that I was in no way associated to something so negative. I felt/heard in my mind, "It's all about perspective. It doesn't have to be something negative. Your reaction to the vision is negative, but the plant can be used in a positive way as well. Whatever your feelings, it's still just a plant. It's all a matter of perspective."

The feeling/voice I heard was right. My reaction to the plant didn't change the fact that it was still just a plant. If I changed my perspective, then my feelings changed. It was at that point I actually heard as clear as a physical voice, "When you get bogged down, we get bogged down." I heard it clearly. I was shocked to actually hear these words spoken. And it made me think, I never use the words "bogged down". These words hadn't come from my own thoughts. It made me wonder, who's the "we"? Did it mean there's a group of guides who work with me? Is this what the books meant by higher self?

I began to understand that the communication between myself and my guidance can't work to its fullest extent unless I change my perspective. So what did changing my perspective really mean? Since then I've often thought about it, wondering if it means trying to see things from a different viewpoint or in a different light. I’ve learned that taking any negative reaction, however slight, out of the equation definitely had to do with it. Negativity narrowed my perspective down, positivity opened me up. Maybe that was the formula to making meditation work and learning to communicate with my guides.

It can be the hardest thing to do sometimes, trying not to get bogged down by negative thoughts and feelings. Changing perspective, I've learned, can't be faked. You have to actually change something inside yourself in order to open up to that greater perception, and what I’ve learned is that experiencing the feeling of love is the fastest way to do that. Focusing on love immediately shifts your perspective. When I see the need in my life to work on that, I can actually feel the change inside me taking place. And it does work; once you change your perspective, you do feel different. And you do feel differently about not just that one aspect, but about things in general. Things start clicking into place faster. Synchronicities happen. Those happy coincidences that really aren't coincidences at all. You realize that that positive perspective is the magic to making consciousness work for you.