ALL OF THE ABOVE

Second-hand re-telling of a traumatic event?  Priceless snapshot into the private lives of one family?  A memorable moment in time in the middle of an otherwise typical day?  I don't embellish my stories.  This one is all of the above.  Whatever you want to call it, I think you won't find this story anywhere else.

My daughter and I ended up in a new hair salon--unsure if we really should wait the 20 minutes for the 60s-aged man ahead of us to finish getting what little hair he had left permed.  I had a feeling, though, that we should stay.  We were the next customers in a family-run salon.  While we waited Abby flipped through hair-photo books.  Finally it was her turn.  The woman washed Abby's hair and seated her in a chair.  A maybe-20-something young woman walked in and began tidying up.  And a few minutes after that a high-school-aged boy came bursting in announcing "I have to tell someone what happened to me!"  At first I didn't connect that they all were family, and in fact thought the boy was just some obnoxious teenager wanting attention.  But it was apparent as he walked over to the young woman, who seemed to pay him no attention as she went about her work, that these people were all related.  Not wanting to appear nosy, I watched Abby as the hairdresser and her discussed Abby's wishes to turn the long hair which framed her face into bangs.

All this talk about hair--which I had trouble following because I couldn't understand Abby's description of how she wanted her hair cut but I was thankful the hairdresser did--made me think the word "bangs" was funny and wondered how they came up with that word.  And how in Britain it's called a "fringe" and how the Brits must think the word "bangs" is funny.  Then I thought "fringe" sounded funny too.  Which made me wonder what I would call them if I had to choose.  I couldn't come up with my own new word and decided that "fringe" made the most sense.  I heard the high-school boy repeat that he needed to tell everyone something, but no one said anything to him.

After the ten seconds or so of my realizing I'd be a terrible hair dresser and of my word fantasizing, the teenaged boy had whirled around the two rows of chairs in the middle of the room without pausing and had made his way straight toward me as if I had been his intended target from the moment he walked through the door.

His mother, I assumed, didn't give him one moment of her time, not even to say hello.  I got the impression he visited often enough and that business is business which had to be done.  Still, he was a nice-looking, thin, and outgoing bundle of energy, and obviously old enough to drive on his own, who desperately wanted someone to listen.  I wondered what nationality this family was when suddenly the boy held out his hand and introduced himself.  His name didn't help answer my question, and I couldn't even begin to pronounce it, let alone spell it.

Wow!  A teenage boy being so polite, mature, and direct.  I loved it!  I returned his warm smile and handshake, introduced myself and said, "So what happened to you?  I can't wait to hear it!"  The boy sat down and dove into a long, detailed account of the past couple days of events that had obviously had a very big impact on him---and I tell you, all teenagers are alike.  If you aren't paying close attention and listening fast, you're going to miss half of what they're saying!  I think I caught most of it, the gist of it anyway.  I'll paraphrase as best I can....

   "Ok, last night I was up late finishing my video game and, well the night before I was driving home and I saw a bad accident.  I know this is foreshadowing because it was just too coincidental.  I didn't stop at the accident because well for one thing, there were other people there to help, but I also knew myself that I wasn't ready to handle something like that.  I was just like, telling myself "I can't do this, I don't want this kind of experience yet" so I just kept going.  I felt bad about that, but I didn't know this would be foreshadowing what was going to happen next.  Ok, so I was finishing my video game last night and about to put it away, and my window was open because I had opened it earlier.  I normally don't open the left side of my window but it was open tonight for some reason, so after I stopped my game I heard a weird sound like something wasn't right.  And I told myself, "Ok, that didn't sound normal."  I looked out the window and saw this car had just crashed right outside my window like right in front of our house!  I didn't even think, I just ran out, and I had to run like this to get out (and he's showing me with his finger the layout of his house and how he ran through the house and out the door), and the next thing I know I'm standing in front of this car that's upside down like hanging from a tree. 

   I told the girl, I was like, "Ok, I have a phone, it's ok"  And I called 911 because I was the first person there!  So I was doing what I was supposed to do and then I realized this is just like what happened last night except that I chose not to get involved because I wasn't ready for it, you know?  But here I was all by myself because no one else had shown up and I was the only person there to help, so after I got off the phone a man showed up and I guess he was an undercover cop or something who just happened to be in the area.  He told me it was ok and I could calm down because he was there and he would handle everything, and I was like "I called 911.  I did the right thing."  I was so nervous and shaking and couldn't believe that I was standing there because like, I didn't plan on doing that, I just did it.  

   So the cop kind of got mad at me when I took a couple pictures with my phone, but I was like, "Hey, I'm a teenager!  I didn't mean to be rude, I didn't think about it, but you don't see something like this all the time so I just took a picture."  And he was like, telling me I shouldn't do that.  So while we were waiting for the ambulance to get there the girl in the car, she's hanging upside down strapped in her seat belt and she's confused and everything, and I mean it was really bad.  She must have lost control of the car because she went through my neighbor's back yard and just tore up the whole back yard.  And they weren't even home because they're still on vacation so they have no idea that their whole back yard is all messed up, and like she went through the fence and through the lawn and somehow ended up hitting a tree and flipping the car over.  So she's just hanging there and the cop was like trying to see what he could do and then she just unlatches her seat belt without even thinking, I mean no one wanted her to do that.  And then she just falls, right onto her head and neck."  

By this time the sister had stopped what she was doing and was sitting next to him, completely engaged in the story, obviously hearing it for the first time.  I myself was thoroughly enjoying it!  His mom, still concentrating on my daughter's hair, occasionally glanced at him and obviously as intrigued as we were.

   "And I knew it was bad because I could hear it when she fell and it made this awful noise, and I was like, "Oh man, oh man, this is so bad."  And I was just so glad that that cop was there because I could feel myself panicking and not knowing what to do.  And so when the ambulance and emergency medical people came, and they were helping her, she had lost all feeling from her neck down.  She was paralyzed and couldn't feel anything and I knew it had been so bad that she let herself out of her seat belt.  I mean, she shouldn't have done that and now here she was saying she had no feeling in her whole body.  And the helicopter had to take her away, and I was like losing it.  I mean I lost it.  I was crying and crying and not knowing what to do.  So I decided to call my mom, because I was like, I need my mom!, I don't know what to do.  So I called my mom and I was crying and saying, 'Mom, Mom, oh my God, I don't know what to do, I need you.'  And I was just crying and crying."  

His mother turned around and said in disbelief, "That was you??  I had no idea that was you!  All I know is, I'm just minding my own business when I get a phone call from some hysterical girl who's crying into the phone and I can't even understand a word she's saying.  So I was like, oh it's probably one of (the son's name that I can't pronounce nor spell) friends, what's he done now?  He's made some girl very upset about something and now she's calling and crying to me about it!  So I just hung up, because I was like, I don't have time for this.  I don't want all this drama."  

Abby was pinching her lips together to try not to laugh, and I was already snickering, but no one else was laughing.  The thought ran though my mind that perhaps we were being set up on some hidden camera show because this was all just too hilarious.  The boy continued.....

   "Yeah, so apparently I was the hysterical girl crying into the phone and now my Mom just hung up on me so now I don't know what to do because I really needed my mom and she just hangs up on me when I need her the most.  So here I am standing there just crying and crying and just wanting my mom."  

And at this point in the boy's non-pause story the mother broke in again and said, "Well I didn't know it was you!  I just didn't want any part of whatever drama was going on this time."

And that's when I couldn't help myself.  I lost it.  Here was this family not trying to be funny and I completely lose it.  But it was just too funny.  I realized the story of the car crash was as new to them as it was to me, but Abby and I were right in the middle of this family drama by happenstance, so we were more entertained by the family dynamics than intrigued by the story of the car accident.  An obviously very close and loving family, but I think it's safe to say these two women were probably used to hearing their fair share of drama from this boy!

I thanked him for engaging me, for sharing his experience and showing me the photos he managed to take before the cop reamed him about it.  It really did look like a very bad accident.  I hope the young woman in the car will be all right.

MEDICAL INTUITION

I wonder why I get psychic information about some things, but not others.  Even when it comes to bad things---things I don't want to happen but are going to happen anyway, and there's nothing I can do to prevent it--if I receive information psychically about it, there's usually a feeling of  "but everything's going to be ok".  It's weird.  It's frustrating to be told about something in advance that you won't have any control over, but there's something very exciting about receiving the feeling of comfort, of knowing there's a reason and knowing everything really is going to be ok.

Prior to each unexpected surgery I've had, I was aware of it psychically days or weeks in advance.  A couple days before my son was born, I knew something was wrong with him--- that I'd need a c-section and that he'd have a birth defect---even though everyone including my doctor assured me that every expectant mother has these fears.  I told them this was different than worry or fear, that I could actually feel something was wrong.  Two days later during routine labor, I was rushed into an emergency c-section.  My baby was in cardiac distress, and after he was born he was found to have a malformed trachea and esophagus, requiring surgery.

Less than a year later, I was told psychically each day for two months that I had a tumor in my lungs!  One night I awoke coughing up blood and rushed to the ER.  They found a tumor growing inside my left lower lung, which had to be removed in order to get rid of the entire mass which had broken blood vessels, filling my lungs with blood.

Six weeks ago---to the exact day of the lung resection seventeen years ago---I had an acute appendicitis.  For several weeks prior, I had a foreboding feeling that an appendicitis was coming, although I had no symptoms or pain to indicate it.  It was purely by intuition.  I felt a lack of energy and a general sense of malaise, but no pain.  Each time I wondered what could be wrong with me appendicitis popped into my head.  But I had absolutely no pain!

I tried to tune into this idea, psychically, to try and validate or verify somehow that my thoughts of an appendicitis were not just an irrational fear or worry, and what I got was the distinct feeling that my body was in some process of change that would culminate into something medical requiring surgery.  Appendicitis came into my mind again and again.  I finally just accepted that if the appendicitis was coming, there was nothing I could do to prevent it.  With no pain or fever, I doubt any tests would have shown an appendicitis yet.  I felt that doing nothing was my best choice.  Why try to stave off a possible inflamed appendix with antibiotics?  Would my doctor have even suggested it?  It seems better to just let the process happen, get the surgery, and have it be over with!

So, when the acute appendicitis finally started happening I wasn't surprised.  I was just mad that I'd have to have another surgery!

After the surgery, I did some research on the Internet to find out if it was possible to feel the onset of an appendicitis with no symptoms other than general fatigue and malaise, and so far the only precursors I've seen mentioned involve severe pain.  I had no pain in the weeks before the appendicitis.  These stories on the Internet were of people being rushed to the ER in severe pain only to be told everything was fine, and not end up actually having the appendicitis until weeks or months later!

That's what prevented me from rushing to the ER that night.  When the pain started, I thought, Ok here it is.  This is it.  It's real.  Now what do I do?  I was afraid of going to the hospital and being told they couldn't find anything wrong with me yet.  So I waited as long as I could, six hours, until I just couldn't take the pain any longer.

The pain had started suddenly at midnight, and by just past 6:00 a.m. I phoned my mom to come and take me to the ER.  By then I had most of the classic symptoms--severe pain, bloating, bowel movements, vomiting, and fever--and was not only certain it was my appendix, but was also certain the ER docs would be able to identify it quickly.  And with lab tests and a CAT scan, they did.  All in all, everything went well.  No rupture, and I was released home the next day.  Afterwards, I asked how long in advance do you feel symptoms of an appendicitis and was told that it is possible to have "chronic appendicitis" with severe pain, but that in the case of an acute appendicitis you're not going to feel it until it's happening.  So, it seems that my foreboding feeling of an upcoming appendicitis---with absolutely no pain---was indeed a psychic feeling.

If I had gone to the ER or even to see my family doc a few weeks earlier, and told them I think I'm going to be having an appendicitis, I wonder what they would have said!  Ha ha!  It would have been great to have that documented, but then again, why waste a copay?

Hopefully this is the last surgery I'll ever have, but I'm fairly confident that if it isn't, I'll know about it before it happens.  What good will it do me?  I don't know.  But I like to believe that there's a reason for everything.  When I psychically receive information about something that I can't do anything about, there must be a reason for it.  Usually there's a feeling of comfort that comes along with it.  Such as to say, "This is what's coming.  It'll be scary, but don't worry.  Everything's going to be ok."  And I like that.  That's good enough for me.

BLACK SHADOW

One evening I went to bed early--early for me, 10 p.m.  I hadn't been feeling well for quite a while, just a generalized malaise and tiredness.  The moment my head hit the pillow an enormous pain engulfed my head.  It felt as if I'd been whacked on the back of the head.  I hoped to fall asleep quickly and sleep off the strange headache.

I awoke some time later, standing in the dark at the top of the stairs.  I was looking downstairs at a soft light which illuminated the darkness when I realized I was thinking to myself, What is that light?  The question repeated itself while I became aware I was thinking it, then became aware I was awakening, and then aware that I must have been sleepwalking.  And there was a light; it wasn't just a dream.  And now I consciously asked the same question, "What is that light?"

I followed the light, and now standing at the top of the basement stairs I could see that the light was coming from my son David's bedroom.  He wasn't in bed.  I wondered what day it was, what time it was, and whether my kids were here or at their dad's house.  I had no memory of any of it.

I walked down the stairs and saw that the bathroom door was shut.  David must be using the toilet, I thought.  By now my full memory had returned.  It was Monday night, my kids were at my house, I wasn't sure what time it was, but the massive headache had returned and felt ten times worse.  Without saying a word to my son, I went back up the stairs.  The headache was too painful to engage in any conversation.  I used the toilet and quickly went back to bed.  It was midnight.

I wanted sleep to come as quickly as possible, but just as I felt I could drift off again I felt a feeling of a presence in my room, as if someone were trying to get my attention.  I opened my eyes.  There wasn't anything there.  I closed my eyes again and suddenly, nonphysically, could see my room in full clarity.  A black mass was hovering in the far corner of the room.  It swooped down toward me and swept over the bed and out the door.  I quickly opened my eyes in shock.  There wasn't anything there.  I must have dreamed that, I thought.

The moment my eyes closed again, the presence was there, as if shaking me awake.  I quickly opened my eyes, as if to catch a glimpse of whatever it was, but there was nothing there.  I closed my eyes again and instantly was able to see my bedroom as clearly as if my eyes were open.  I know my eyes are closed, and I'm awake, I thought.  The black shadow thing was in the corner of the room again, high at the ceiling as if waiting for me to give it my attention.  I watched it swoop down over my bed and out the door.  I had the distinct feeling that whatever this thing was, it wanted me to go back down into David's room.  I was just down there, I thought.  David's fine.  I need to get back to sleep.  This headache is so bad.  If David needed me, he'd come get me.  

Some time later I felt the awakening nudge of the shadow presence again.  I also felt my pounding headache, now worse than before.  I opened my eyes but there was nothing there.  I closed my eyes and just like before, I instantly had full vision of my bedroom as if my eyes were still open, and the black shadow once again hovered in the corner of my room.  I watched it swoop down toward me, over the bed, and out the door.  And just like before, I quickly opened my eyes, in disbelief that what I was seeing with my eyes closed while wide awake could possibly be real.  I didn't see anything.

This continued for what seemed like a long time.  I suppose I drifted off to sleep in between, but the feeling of the presence awakening me returned again and again, along with the shadow's strange behavior as if to get me out of my room and back downstairs.  This must be a weird dream.  Maybe I'm in a weird light sleep state and don't even know it.  I know my eyes are closed, but I'm awake.  Every time I open my eyes, I don't see anything there.  I don't see the shadow until my eyes are closed.  Ow my head is killing me.  My headache was now, remarkably, even much worse than before.  I finally couldn't take it anymore; the repetitive feeling of a presence awakening me, the repetitive shadow movements, the repetitive impression that it wanted me to get out of bed and go downstairs.  Each time I was awakened it made my headache that much worse, so I got out of bed.  It was 2:30 a.m.

I went downstairs.  David's light was off.  He must be in bed sleeping.  I got something to drink, and then I took a Vicodin.  I went back to bed and slept deeply the rest of the night.  By morning the headache was gone.

I couldn't wait to tell David about my weird experience from the night before, but I didn't get a chance to talk to him until after work.  David and I were on our way to pick up some Little Caesar's pizza when I remembered to tell him what happened.  We had just pulled into a parking space when David turned to me and said, "Well, now I have something to tell you about last night.  We had nearly the same experience."  I had just turned off the engine, stopping the air conditioner, and we were sitting there in that hot car in the middle of July with the windows up, goosebumps chilling my skin as I listened to David tell me what had happened to him that night as well.

He'd had trouble falling asleep and for a while lied there with his eyes open looking around his room.  He saw something move past the spray of light of his night light, a black shadow.  He wasn't scared; David's used to paranormal activity--aware that there are things we don't understand--and he just tells himself if he doesn't give it his attention it will go away.  But after the shadow crossed through the light a few times David got out of bed.  That's when he went into the bathroom and shut the door.  He said he eventually heard me walking around upstairs and then use the toilet.  After that he was able to fall asleep but later awoke to the sound of someone coming down into his room.  He felt a presence standing next to his bed as if watching him, but he remained still, eyes closed, giving it no attention.  When the feeling passed he opened his eyes.  It was 5:00 a.m.

To my own satisfaction--that what I experienced was real and not just a dream--David's experience had verified mine.  We don't know what the black shadow was or what it wanted, but we both saw it on the same night.  How strange, that neither of us was scared of it. And what a strange night for me--the sudden massive headache and the sleepwalking.  I wonder what caused me to sleepwalk in the first place.

SHIFTING FROM LOGIC TO INTUITION

I thought I'd share something about what I've learned about shifting awareness between Logic and Intuition.  Many of you have probably seen me mention my project of developing psychic ability, or intuition.  I've studied it for years, diligently, and have adhered to all the rules and tricks and tips I've learned along the way.  It's why I got attracted to Bruce Moen's work and what he teaches, because his tools and techniques for nonphysical exploration are the same thing as using intuition.

My kids and I started doing geocaching.  It's something to get you outside walking, with the fun of exploring for hidden treasure.  People anywhere in the world can hide a cache and then post its whereabouts on line.  You log on and it finds your location, and it gives you coordinates for nearby caches, and the GPS guides you there with a little map showing where you are in relation to the hidden cache.  The GPS tells you how many miles and then feet you are away, the closer you get.  It's never precise and can only come just so close, so once you get in the general vicinity you just have to look around.  Some caches are "microscopic" which is smaller than the size of a tiny tube of pencil lead, or they can be the size of a lunchbox, small ammo box, or much bigger.  So you just look under rocks, between rocks, logs, bushes, trees, anywhere.  Inside the cache, if it's big enough, is paper to sign and date and sometimes little "treasures", toys or souvenirs...take one, leave one.

So the very first one my daughter Abby and I tried, well we had no idea what we were looking for.  We didn't know how big it would be or how obvious it would stand out.  We were led to a creek filled with water, mud, cattails, and rocks.  Trees and grass and rocks surrounding the area.  A tunnel where the creek went under the road.  The GPS had us pointed right into the creek.  Abby said, "Well I'm not adventurous enough to get down there and look through all that."  And I wasn't either!

We knew the GPS had us in the general area but one step one direction and you were suddenly several feet away from the supposed spot.  It was a little confusing to know exactly where we were supposed to be looking!  The how-to video on the Geocaching site tells you that if you get within 20 feet or so, just start looking all around you in any direction since the GPS can never be exact.  Well, we realized this could be harder than we thought.  We walked and looked around all the trees, looking for disturbed earth.  Looking for tracks or obvious spots where something was out of place.  Looking for anything odd or an obvious hiding spot.  Nothing.  Got back down toward the creek again and cringed at the thought of looking in it.

As I walked along the creek, I remember thinking that I didn't want to just give up.  This was adventurous, and I didn't want to disappoint my daughter, and I am not a person who gives up easily.  When I want something, I do everything I can to get it.  So then I told myself, "Vicky!  Duh!  You're looking logically.  You need to focus intuitively and just feel for it.  This is a perfect opportunity."

I used a little mental trick...I envisioned a gauge stick shifting from the left side of my brain to the right, kind of like watching the speedometer when you step on the gas.  Once it shifted over I stopping thinking and turned my attention on what I felt.  I felt like turning my head to my left,  so I did.  My eyes fell on one rock near the creek bed at the head of the tunnel around 15 to 20 feet away from me.  I walked straight toward that rock knowing that my intuition had pointed me there.

I said to Abby, "It's right here.  It has to be right here."  And she saw me reach down and pick up that rock.  Underneath it was a tiny cache the size of a pill bottle covered in camouflage tape and nestled in a little nook in the dirt.  I remember Abby saying, "Oh my gosh how did you know it was there?  How did you do that?"  But she knows.  I told her my intuition told me and she wasn't surprised.  My kids are used to it.

Switching from logic to intuition was like going from trying to look, to deciding to just stop looking.  All that was left was what I felt.  It happens in a flash of an instant, so you have to pay attention to whatever you feel, no matter what it is.  And it really doesn't matter what it is, just as long as you notice a feeling.  When you do, follow through.  Following through means having no doubt about the process.  Don't question it, analyze it, or work out in your mind if it makes sense or not.  Just allow your conscious awareness to move with it.  In this case, it meant turning my head toward where I got pulled, and walking over to where my eyes were looking.

THE TIP IS THE BEST PART

We all know the tip is the best part.  It's filled with chocolate, I assume to stop the ice cream from leaking, but no one holds it long enough for that to happen, right?  David finished his in about five minutes, maybe less.  He likes to break the head off, eat the cone, then eat the ice cream last.  Me, I like to nibble off the nuts and chocolate around the base of the cone clockwise and then work my way to the top til all the chocolate's gone, then lick the ice cream dome til it's level with the cone.  Then I slowly eat the rim of the cone the same way as I did the chocolate, clockwise, while I periodically suck on the ice cream.  (I didn't realize til now that I had a system).  When I get down to the hard chocolate at the tip of the cone, the best part, I really savor it.  It looks like a tiny chocolate ice cream cone!  It's too cute to just gobble up.  If you suck on it a little the chocolate gets softer and glistens, and it melts in your mouth.  Yeah, the tip is the best part.

So, that's how I enjoy a Nestle Drumstick.  I like the original vanilla flavor best and chocolate second.  My kids only like the caramel ones.  They have several kinds out now I guess, but I think when I was a kid they only had vanilla.  Don't remember.

Anyway, I didn't set out to write a piece about Drumsticks.  The thing I wanted to share was one of those really funny things that when they happen, it's hilarious and it's not the kind of thing you could just make up.  It's just too silly.

Last night David finished his quickly, as usual.  I did my thing with mine and finished.  Then a little later Abby said, "Hey, I got two tips!  How cool is that!"  She was holding up her "tiny chocolate ice cream cone" in one hand and another one in the other.  "My cone had its tip but then I found an extra tip at the bottom of my wrapper!  I love the tip, it's the best part!"

So that was pretty neat right?  I mean, if you love Drumsticks you know you love the tip best.  But then the kicker was David saying, "What?  That's not fair.  I didn't even get a tip!  I thought it just broke off but I checked the wrapper and it wasn't there."

Ok, I lost it then.  That was just too hilarious.  David didn't even mention not having a tip, he just enjoyed his cone anyway, and then here's Abby going, "I got an extra tip!"  Oh my God, that was just so funny.  What are the odds?  I love those kinds of coincidences that just happen in the right way or else you wouldn't have even noticed it.

MY COLLECTION

Here's a photo of my collection of my own personal psychic, paranormal, and spiritual experiences and my detailed notes about them.  This is what I was working on the day I psychically knew I'd find the brand new box of plastic page protectors at the thrift store.  Those sure came in handy!  Now my notes are in chronological order, in binders, and preserved.  When I get around to it I'll add colored sticky note tabs to coordinate similar-type experiences for easy reference.

I put them up in the closet just to get things off my floor.  Not such a handsome-looking collection but I know what it means to me and that's what matters.  I've put a lot of hard work into my psychic development project over the last few years and the tediously detailed notes I keep are what have gotten me this far.

I think it's really important to keep track on paper of your experiences if you want to grow in your knowledge and abilities.  I don't study this because I want to be a psychic; in fact I don't want to be one.  I don't want to give readings for others.  My passion is in learning how it works and teaching others who are interested.  And it's not about knowing the future, but about knowing who we are and where we come from, and that we really do create our reality.  I began doing this because I know I've had psychic experiences my entire life, seemingly random, and I wanted to find a reason for them.  I wanted to know why they happen and how it works.  That's all.  It's too fascinating a phenomena not to want to study it as much as possible.

I pride myself on my honesty.  But then again, I'm a Libra.  If you know me, you know not to be dishonest with me.  But then I see people being just as dishonest to themselves as they are to others, probably more so.  You see, if you can lie to yourself you can much more easily make others believe you.  I like to think that  learning about your own natural psychic ability and spiritual nature would make people much more honest with themselves.  I guess that's why I took the picture.  I'm humbled by my experiences.

I didn't even think about putting my notes in matching binders or typing up neat labels.  Instead just threw them together to get the years of piles of papers off my floor, to preserve them better, so I could flip through them when necessary to help my studies, and I just hurriedly wrote out some labels to slap on the sides.  Not too fancy is it.  My only intention was preservation and pride, not to give myself an image or a label.  Not to impress anybody.  And certainly not to lie to myself.  I still remember where I started and the hard road it took for me to get here.  If something's made it into those binders then it's pretty important to me.  I'm proud of my collection because I know what it means.

I took the picture to remind myself how hard I've worked and how far I've come.  When I began my project I was afraid that I wouldn't have enough material to write my second book.  Now I have more than I know what to do with.  But I'm not going for quantity, I'm going for quality.  I want people who read my book to learn something from me.  And I guess I just want to say it in a way which shows I really know what I'm talking about.  That's how passionate I am.

BOOK EXCERPT FROM "THE PSYCHIC DEVELOPMENT PROJECT"

I was filling the coffee pot with water while staring out the window and watching a squirrel.  I decided to shake things up this time and started yelling "4!" over and over in my mind until the urge to stop yelled back.  I stopped the water and set the pot down to settle the water.  No surprise; it was precisely on the 4-cup mark, for the millionth time. 

Yelling "4!" in my mind was pretty creative, and I surprised myself when I did it.  Most of the credit had to be given to the fact that I was in a bad mood.  Yelling at something, even in my mind, was a product of my mood, and the coffee water was a safe target. And it kind of made me laugh at myself.  I wasn't really mad, but I was fed up with how easy it was for me to apply psychic ability to trivial things and little tests.  Why about bigger things?  How hard is it to open up psychic awareness for real life situations?  I appreciated that I had become so good at this simple use of psychic ability that I could now take it for granted.  But it made me think, I really need to be creating new ways of using and testing my ability.  Little tricks and tests were becoming way too easy for me.  I needed something more challenging. 

Little tricks like testing my psychic ability to tell me when the water level was exactly where I wanted it to be without looking or guessing were great practice.  I hit the mark every time, no matter how fast or slow the water ran.   And I wasn't counting or doing anything else to time the running water.  It didn’t matter what I used to “turn on” my psychic perception, it worked every time I applied my intention of doing so.  These little daily tests were becoming insignificant to me.  Still amazing, yes, but I needed to figure out more important uses for applying intention for psychic perception.  The coffee water had only been a test, one of many.  I'd use anything I could to practice my psychic ability on because, after all, being right wasn't my goal.  My goal was solely to learn in what ways my psychic senses could bring me information that wasn't coming to me through any of my other normal senses.  The easiness of my simple tests summed it up perfectly….all I needed was the intention of information through psychic awareness, and opening up the channel to receive it.  It didn’t matter to me how the information was conveyed, so long as I noticed it.  Whatever manner the information came to me, I accepted as a direct response to my intention. 

For instance, with the test of the running water, my intention was to hit the 4-cup mark perfectly on the line.  So sometimes the urge to stop the running water felt like the gesture of someone putting their hand up in the air, palm facing outward, the way a policeman does while directing traffic.  Sometimes the urge to stop felt like the feeling of rushing forward and suddenly coming to a halt.  Sometimes I'd choose something to stare at and wait for the feeling of my consciousness zeroing in on the object so acutely as if I were about to have an out-of-body experience.  In this morning's case, the urge simply felt like the feeling of someone yelling "stop."  It wasn't lost on me that my yelling was responded to with yelling.  I was the creator of my experience, and I was the creator of my Guidance.  My psychic guidance was given to me from me, just me in another perspective.  How could I use this concept to create more challenging experiences for my project? 

I stood there finishing making my coffee while contemplating all of this.  I knew that the signals I'd receive if I continue to focus my efforts at practice on the coffee water were quite possibly endless.  Or perhaps I'd grow accustom to one or two more than others and my own preferences would establish themselves.  But my goal in developing psychic ability wasn't to use it on the coffee water.  It was time for me to broaden my targets of practice once again. 

I thought to myself that most of my practice targets were related to things I was doing on purpose.  And the idea struck me that it would be intriguing to focus on opening psychic awareness in a more general sense, still related to what I was doing but without purposely having a known target and specific goal.  How could I do that?  It would be neat if I could just go about my day as usual but with an open frame of mind for receiving psychic awareness as necessary or beneficial to me, without me purposely targeting psychic awareness in the moment.     

Trying to come up with new and challenging ways of using, testing, and developing psychic ability was a challenge in itself.  I was kind of getting bored with just manipulating my abilities to tell me the results I wanted.  I wanted to use it for much more than that.  And it wasn't just a matter of manipulating my focus of awareness to see what lies ahead.  In a way, I wanted to combine the two.  So I had to ask myself, How can I get what I want without setting out for a specific goal or target?  How can I use my ability to not only receive a specific piece of information that can verify that my psychic perception is real and trustworthy, but also have it give me something that comes into my awareness based on what I am thinking, feeling, or doing naturally without having to force a specific target or goal in mind? 

I decided that today I'd just go with the flow of my feelings and thoughts, doing whatever I felt like at the moment the way a child plays, moving from one curiosity to another.  I set my intention to move the clutter of thinking and planning aside, and instead create an open-to-receiving, mindless state of being with the idea that I'd receive psychic awareness about my future events related to me that were helpful or beneficial but not something I specifically decided to target. 

Whew.  Does that sound complicated enough?  I honestly didn't even think I'd end up with any results, but I did. 

Standing in the middle of my kitchen, eyes closed, I let go of the feelings and thoughts which were causing me to feel emotional.  I let go of my typical impulse to plan out the chores and errands that I'd normally focus on.  I focused all my attention and awareness just on the present moment.  I raised my mood with some loving thoughts and asked myself what I felt like doing.  And then I did it.

I played Plants vs Zombies on the computer, ate the leftover bacon, washed dishes, polished all my glassware, and then began cleaning the kitchen counters.  I mindlessly stayed in the present moment of what I was doing without thinking about past or future events, worries, or emotions.  My next urge was to re-arrange my kitchen countertops.  I surveyed the space and studied my options.  Not much to work with.  But I considered that if I had another big glass vase like the one housing my ladles, then I could get those odd-shaped things out of my drawers, like the strainer, the meat hammer, the potato masher, and all those tall meat skewers.

Then the psychic thought came into my head, “If you go to the Good Will store, you’ll find an identical vase.”  I was skeptical, but couldn’t ignore the thought that had popped into my head.  It was an exciting feeling.  Would I really find an identical vase to the one I already have or was this just wishful thinking?  I was reluctant to allow myself to go on a little shopping spree especially since I'd just spent over $900 getting my car fixed.  I kept note of the idea in the back of my mind but decided to hold off on going shopping.

I then poured myself some coffee and sat down on the couch to watch television.  Nothing really interesting was on but a 10-minute workout infomercial caught my eye.  I sat and watched the entire thing, already convinced that I just had to have it but unwilling to justify spending $120 on the DVD's, recipes, and resistance bands.  I got up and moved the corner table out of the way and tried doing some of the exercises I'd seen.  It was hard to remember how to do them, and I didn't have one of those resistance bands.  Then I thought about the Good Will store and how if I went there for the glass vase maybe I'd be lucky enough to find a workout DVD.  The psychic thought came to me, “You won't find a DVD but you will find a good resistance band.”  Ok, now it was really getting exciting, and I had to try and curb my impulse to hop in the car and go.  I decided to hold that thought and really let it sink in.  Maybe this was all just wishful thinking and an excuse to go shopping in order to cheer myself up for the sad mood I'd been in lately.  I didn't want to give in to bad habits, especially when money was going to be tight for a little while.

I put the table back and went to take my shower for the day.  I decided that after my shower I'd work on putting my psychic development notes and book notes in order and into plastic page protectors so that I could file them into binders.  It was more than a year's worth of paperwork but it really needed to be done in order to make for easier organization of my psychic experiences.  But after doing my hair and getting dressed the mood struck me again for listening to my Guidance and heading to the Good Will store.  So I did.

Just as I reached the parking lot a psychic feeling hit me....that I was going to find a brand new box of those plastic page protectors.  Now that was hard to believe!  This had to be wishful thinking.   Why would there be brand new page protectors at the Good Will store??  I parked the car and went inside.  No workout DVDs whatsoever.  I moseyed around the corner of the aisle and found a nice 3-inch, 3-ring binder filled with brand new page protectors, and underneath it was a brand new box of 100 of them.  Wow!  That was quite a lucky find.  I made a beeline for the exercise and sports section of the store knowing that the resistance band I wanted just had to be there.  But I didn't see one.  Hmm.  I was so sure I had felt it would be there.  I decided to walk over to the section with all the vases and glassware and quickly scanned the shelves.  There on the top in the back row was the vase that was identical to the one in my kitchen. And there was only one like it.  Wow, that was pretty unbelievable.  I’d found two of the three things I was certain would be here. I decided to give it another shot at looking for that resistance band that I was so certain my Guidance had told me I would find.  And there it was, on the same shelf I had just looked at a few minutes earlier, staring right at me.  During the time I was looking for my vase someone must have put the resistance band here.  I quickly grabbed it and gave it a good look.  Perfect condition and the perfect size for me.  I had to give myself credit for finally developing my intuition to a workable, successful ability.

On any given day you can’t just find three uniquely specific things at the Good Will store.  It wasn’t coincidence.  It was Guidance. 

I believe we all get these guided suggestions on a regular basis, but most of the time we’re usually too busy to notice.  Or we quickly throw them out and call it wishful thinking.  We allow logical thinking to talk us out of listening to it instead of listening to our “gut”.  Most of the time those gut feelings are a way our Guidance is trying to get our attention.  If you notice, the way I received my “gut” feelings in this experience was having those psychic suggestions come into my mind literally as if spoken to me.  It’s always in second person, telling me “You will…”  I don’t think to myself in second person.  If I plan on doing something, the thought is like, “I think I should run a load of laundry.”  Or, “I wonder what I should make for dinner tonight.” 

From the looks of my progression of psychic experiences over the years, I can see that in the beginning I wasn’t getting the direct guided-thought kind of experiences.  I was getting inspiration or ideas, or gut feelings, or coincidences.  Like maybe, instead of the direct suggestions to go to the Good Will store I might instead have ended up going there for another reason.  Say perhaps while visiting my mom she might have wanted to stop there.  And while there I might have accidentally come across those very things.  And while coming across them I would feel myself thinking, “Wow, that’s neat.  I was just thinking about wanting to do some exercises with a resistance band.  Maybe I should get this one.”  Or, “There’s a vase that’s identical to the one in my kitchen.  That’s funny.  I should get it because it would not only match the one I already have but it would help me clean up some clutter.”  Or, “Wow, a box of brand new page protectors!  What a great find.  I certainly can use them, and it’s a fraction of what I’d pay in a retail store.”  I’d be happy for the lucky finds, and enjoy that “what a coincidence” feeling.  But I’d probably not have put two and two together and realized that I was guided to finding them. 

It has taken me several years to learn how to put two and two together.  And in that process I’ve seen the way my psychic coincidences, ideas, and nudges, have turned into full-blown visions, feelings, and words, being given to me seemingly from someone else!  Sometimes in the form of The Voice which sounds like someone speaking directly into my ear.  I think these are truly special and incredible experiences, and I’m grateful for them.  But I don’t think they are only for special or select people.  I really do believe that everyone has basic psychic ability and experiences, but developing your senses and skill is something you have to work on and want to work on.  There are genuinely some who are born so gifted that it just comes naturally.  But I’ve heard some of those people say, “What I do is a gift.  I don’t know how I do it.”  Well, I want to make people aware that the average person can do it too.  I want to tell you that you can have these gifts too.  Your senses of perception are what you make them.  If you want to have better eyesight you can wear glasses.  If you want to hear better you can wear hearing aids.  If you want to work on your health and strength, you can do things to improve them.  Well why not improve your psychic senses of perception?  What do you want to use them for if you could?  What do you think you’ll gain or learn from doing so?  How will it change you or your beliefs about reality?