ALL OF THE ABOVE

Second-hand re-telling of a traumatic event?  Priceless snapshot into the private lives of one family?  A memorable moment in time in the middle of an otherwise typical day?  I don't embellish my stories.  This one is all of the above.  Whatever you want to call it, I think you won't find this story anywhere else.

My daughter and I ended up in a new hair salon--unsure if we really should wait the 20 minutes for the 60s-aged man ahead of us to finish getting what little hair he had left permed.  I had a feeling, though, that we should stay.  We were the next customers in a family-run salon.  While we waited Abby flipped through hair-photo books.  Finally it was her turn.  The woman washed Abby's hair and seated her in a chair.  A maybe-20-something young woman walked in and began tidying up.  And a few minutes after that a high-school-aged boy came bursting in announcing "I have to tell someone what happened to me!"  At first I didn't connect that they all were family, and in fact thought the boy was just some obnoxious teenager wanting attention.  But it was apparent as he walked over to the young woman, who seemed to pay him no attention as she went about her work, that these people were all related.  Not wanting to appear nosy, I watched Abby as the hairdresser and her discussed Abby's wishes to turn the long hair which framed her face into bangs.

All this talk about hair--which I had trouble following because I couldn't understand Abby's description of how she wanted her hair cut but I was thankful the hairdresser did--made me think the word "bangs" was funny and wondered how they came up with that word.  And how in Britain it's called a "fringe" and how the Brits must think the word "bangs" is funny.  Then I thought "fringe" sounded funny too.  Which made me wonder what I would call them if I had to choose.  I couldn't come up with my own new word and decided that "fringe" made the most sense.  I heard the high-school boy repeat that he needed to tell everyone something, but no one said anything to him.

After the ten seconds or so of my realizing I'd be a terrible hair dresser and of my word fantasizing, the teenaged boy had whirled around the two rows of chairs in the middle of the room without pausing and had made his way straight toward me as if I had been his intended target from the moment he walked through the door.

His mother, I assumed, didn't give him one moment of her time, not even to say hello.  I got the impression he visited often enough and that business is business which had to be done.  Still, he was a nice-looking, thin, and outgoing bundle of energy, and obviously old enough to drive on his own, who desperately wanted someone to listen.  I wondered what nationality this family was when suddenly the boy held out his hand and introduced himself.  His name didn't help answer my question, and I couldn't even begin to pronounce it, let alone spell it.

Wow!  A teenage boy being so polite, mature, and direct.  I loved it!  I returned his warm smile and handshake, introduced myself and said, "So what happened to you?  I can't wait to hear it!"  The boy sat down and dove into a long, detailed account of the past couple days of events that had obviously had a very big impact on him---and I tell you, all teenagers are alike.  If you aren't paying close attention and listening fast, you're going to miss half of what they're saying!  I think I caught most of it, the gist of it anyway.  I'll paraphrase as best I can....

   "Ok, last night I was up late finishing my video game and, well the night before I was driving home and I saw a bad accident.  I know this is foreshadowing because it was just too coincidental.  I didn't stop at the accident because well for one thing, there were other people there to help, but I also knew myself that I wasn't ready to handle something like that.  I was just like, telling myself "I can't do this, I don't want this kind of experience yet" so I just kept going.  I felt bad about that, but I didn't know this would be foreshadowing what was going to happen next.  Ok, so I was finishing my video game last night and about to put it away, and my window was open because I had opened it earlier.  I normally don't open the left side of my window but it was open tonight for some reason, so after I stopped my game I heard a weird sound like something wasn't right.  And I told myself, "Ok, that didn't sound normal."  I looked out the window and saw this car had just crashed right outside my window like right in front of our house!  I didn't even think, I just ran out, and I had to run like this to get out (and he's showing me with his finger the layout of his house and how he ran through the house and out the door), and the next thing I know I'm standing in front of this car that's upside down like hanging from a tree. 

   I told the girl, I was like, "Ok, I have a phone, it's ok"  And I called 911 because I was the first person there!  So I was doing what I was supposed to do and then I realized this is just like what happened last night except that I chose not to get involved because I wasn't ready for it, you know?  But here I was all by myself because no one else had shown up and I was the only person there to help, so after I got off the phone a man showed up and I guess he was an undercover cop or something who just happened to be in the area.  He told me it was ok and I could calm down because he was there and he would handle everything, and I was like "I called 911.  I did the right thing."  I was so nervous and shaking and couldn't believe that I was standing there because like, I didn't plan on doing that, I just did it.  

   So the cop kind of got mad at me when I took a couple pictures with my phone, but I was like, "Hey, I'm a teenager!  I didn't mean to be rude, I didn't think about it, but you don't see something like this all the time so I just took a picture."  And he was like, telling me I shouldn't do that.  So while we were waiting for the ambulance to get there the girl in the car, she's hanging upside down strapped in her seat belt and she's confused and everything, and I mean it was really bad.  She must have lost control of the car because she went through my neighbor's back yard and just tore up the whole back yard.  And they weren't even home because they're still on vacation so they have no idea that their whole back yard is all messed up, and like she went through the fence and through the lawn and somehow ended up hitting a tree and flipping the car over.  So she's just hanging there and the cop was like trying to see what he could do and then she just unlatches her seat belt without even thinking, I mean no one wanted her to do that.  And then she just falls, right onto her head and neck."  

By this time the sister had stopped what she was doing and was sitting next to him, completely engaged in the story, obviously hearing it for the first time.  I myself was thoroughly enjoying it!  His mom, still concentrating on my daughter's hair, occasionally glanced at him and obviously as intrigued as we were.

   "And I knew it was bad because I could hear it when she fell and it made this awful noise, and I was like, "Oh man, oh man, this is so bad."  And I was just so glad that that cop was there because I could feel myself panicking and not knowing what to do.  And so when the ambulance and emergency medical people came, and they were helping her, she had lost all feeling from her neck down.  She was paralyzed and couldn't feel anything and I knew it had been so bad that she let herself out of her seat belt.  I mean, she shouldn't have done that and now here she was saying she had no feeling in her whole body.  And the helicopter had to take her away, and I was like losing it.  I mean I lost it.  I was crying and crying and not knowing what to do.  So I decided to call my mom, because I was like, I need my mom!, I don't know what to do.  So I called my mom and I was crying and saying, 'Mom, Mom, oh my God, I don't know what to do, I need you.'  And I was just crying and crying."  

His mother turned around and said in disbelief, "That was you??  I had no idea that was you!  All I know is, I'm just minding my own business when I get a phone call from some hysterical girl who's crying into the phone and I can't even understand a word she's saying.  So I was like, oh it's probably one of (the son's name that I can't pronounce nor spell) friends, what's he done now?  He's made some girl very upset about something and now she's calling and crying to me about it!  So I just hung up, because I was like, I don't have time for this.  I don't want all this drama."  

Abby was pinching her lips together to try not to laugh, and I was already snickering, but no one else was laughing.  The thought ran though my mind that perhaps we were being set up on some hidden camera show because this was all just too hilarious.  The boy continued.....

   "Yeah, so apparently I was the hysterical girl crying into the phone and now my Mom just hung up on me so now I don't know what to do because I really needed my mom and she just hangs up on me when I need her the most.  So here I am standing there just crying and crying and just wanting my mom."  

And at this point in the boy's non-pause story the mother broke in again and said, "Well I didn't know it was you!  I just didn't want any part of whatever drama was going on this time."

And that's when I couldn't help myself.  I lost it.  Here was this family not trying to be funny and I completely lose it.  But it was just too funny.  I realized the story of the car crash was as new to them as it was to me, but Abby and I were right in the middle of this family drama by happenstance, so we were more entertained by the family dynamics than intrigued by the story of the car accident.  An obviously very close and loving family, but I think it's safe to say these two women were probably used to hearing their fair share of drama from this boy!

I thanked him for engaging me, for sharing his experience and showing me the photos he managed to take before the cop reamed him about it.  It really did look like a very bad accident.  I hope the young woman in the car will be all right.