If you’re a gamer, you’ll probably know what this means. I’m not a gamer, but my son is.
The other day the kids and I were talking about making summer plans. I mentioned Water World, one of our usual summer fun things to do. Last year I vowed to never go again, told the kids they were old enough to go by themselves with friends from now on. But heck, who am I kidding. Of course I’ll go again. First of all, I don’t really want to let my kiddos spend all day there by themselves, even with friends. And second of all, I do love going to Water World, despite this old body. (I know, I know. I’m not that old yet. But it doesn’t take much these days to get a back ache, headache, or joint pain, pinched nerves, and swollen feet from diabetes, and the list goes on and on).
David, almost regrettably, mentioned he wished we could all go to Water World, as a family, even though we weren’t a family who does things together anymore. He shrugged after he said it. (This is the first summer after the divorce, and it's still hard for him to talk about it).
I told him there was no reason why we couldn’t make plans to all go to Water World together. I told him to look at it as the more, the merrier. We usually all end up splitting up at some point anyway, a couple of us wanting to go here, while a couple of us want to go there, and in a water park that’s good. Then everyone gets what they want and it saves time. It seemed to perk his interest up a bit.
I then asked both kids how they were feeling about the divorce now that it had been about 8 months. (I take any opened door I can as an opportunity to talk with my kids about serious stuff). They both said they were ok with it and that things were getting easier. Abby mostly just listened while she played on her lap top. I know with her that what I’m saying is sinking in, even if she doesn’t have much to say. David opened up more than I thought he would, and a great conversation followed. He’s 13 and I think he’s taken the divorce harder than any of us...
I remember the night the kids and I moved into our little rental house. We’d made several trips of carloads of little things that the movers didn’t get the first time--things that were more personal and that I wanted to move myself. Finally at about 7 pm we were on the last trip, but David didn’t want to leave the old house he’d lived in for the past 3-1/2 years. Abby was her usual gung-ho self, eager to spend the first night in our new home, but I found David hiding in his room, buried under his blankets, and crying. I felt so bad for him, my heart broke. When he buries his face like that, I know that what he’s feeling are some pretty tough feelings. I sat down and cuddled him and told him it was going to be ok, but he told me he didn’t want to leave. He said it didn’t feel right to leave this house. This was all he knew. But I explained to him that we’d make new memories at our new house, and that soon it would feel like home too. I told him we aren’t just taking our stuff there, we’re taking ourselves there too. Nothing gets left behind that you don’t want to leave behind, I told him.
When we arrived at our new home with our last load of stuff and unpacked the car, there were a couple of items that we’d forgotten, so I asked David if he wanted to go back to the old house for one more trip with me that night. He said he did, while Abby asked brightly if she could stay home at our new house all by herself.
So we left her there, while we made the quick trip back to the old house which was only 2-3 minutes away. We grabbed the couple items we’d needed and then headed back. David was still quiet, still wiping away the tears. When I pulled up to our new house, all the lights were on and the front door was open. I heard what was going on before I even walked up to the door. Abby had "Grease" in the DVD player full blast, and when we walked in the front door she was singing and dancing all over the living room to one of her favorite songs. It made us laugh, but she didn’t get embarrassed and just kept bopping and singing. I joined her and David watched, enjoying our silliness. I think Abby had planned this whole picture.
Later I pulled her aside and told her how proud I was of her being so mature about all of this. I told her I loved seeing her so upbeat and spunky. And I asked her if she’d help me make things easier for David by going out of her way to make him feel positive about the move. She did, and she was wonderful. Her spirits and attitude really helped perk David up. She helped him unpack some of his personal things to make his room feel like his own place. She joked a lot and made us laugh. And soon we ate dinner and watched TV. Only a couple hours later David said to us, “You know what? I feel a lot better. It does feel like home here.” That was a really proud moment for me.
So, here we were talking about the divorce 8 months later. We’d talked minimally over the months about the divorce, but only in small bouts. I wanted to once again open the door a little more. I started out by sharing some of my feelings, both the good ones and the hurt ones. It made David begin to cry again, but he managed to keep his composure and listen. Then he shared some of his own feelings. Abby continued to listen, dry-eyed, seemingly focused on her computer game, but obviously keeping one ear firmly tilted in our direction.
As David and I wiped away our tears once more, I told him that even though talks like this are hard, they are necessary to aid in the healing process. He said, "You know what this reminds me of? In D&D there's a thing called a healing stick. I always imagine someone getting whacked with it because they say "hit me with a healing stick". It's funny to think of getting whacked with something that's intended to heal you. Isn't that ironic? But that's what these talks are like. They bring up a lot of pain but they also help us heal. It hurts to talk about some things but it makes me feel better afterwards. Sorry to interrupt. I just thought that was a good analogy."
I just looked at him in amazement. For David to take what I was giving him and turn it into his own frame of reference was amazing. I told him it was a perfect way to describe what we're going through. He asked, "Really? It is?" I told him yes, it definitely was.
"Healing can be a very painful process to go through, especially with emotional pain, but dealing with pain is part of healing. It's better to just get our emotions out and deal with them rather than to just bury it all and act like it isn't there. If we keep having talks like this, in small doses, it'll make the process easier to get through."
I'm so proud of my kids, and proud that I can instill in them a sense of self esteem and spiritual well being. I'm proud to see the effect in them.
I think the next time I see an opportunity to open this door again, the cue will be, "Mind if we whack each other with a healing stick?" The kids will know exactly what that means.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
HAPPY MOTH'S DAY
No, that's not a typo. If you don't believe me, see photo.
This home made card was found waiting for me on my bed when I came home from work the evening of Mother’s Day. My ex offered to leave the kids with me that evening but I said it was fine if he had them, despite the holiday. It’s just another day. Besides, we had already technically celebrated earlier, on Friday, when I had my parents over for a visit.
The kids had made me smaller cards earlier in the week, had done favors for me, and had even given me massages.
In my book, a foot massage beats anything. And as much as my daughter hates doing that for me, I knew that when she offered one it was a gesture of true affection. My son, on the other hand, is a natural when it comes to massage and gives it freely. It’s his usual gift to me.
So all in all, I got tons for Mother’s day, pampering and home made cards all week…but then this last one was the topper. Its rustic home-made-ness was endearing—cardboard taped together with masking tape, with finger-painted designs and “YOU ROCK!” all over the inside of it—but the icing on the cake was the spelling error. I laughed so hard when I saw it. My daughter is the first to admit that spelling and reading are not her “thing”.
When she came home that evening from her dad’s, she beamed. “Did you happen to notice anything on your bed?” I told her yes I did, but that I didn’t know what it was for. She said, “What do you mean? It’s for Mother’s Day”.
“Oh really?” I asked. “It doesn’t say that.”
She marched right up the stairs and into my room. “Look, right there. See. It says, “Happy Moth… oh. Dang it!”
I hugged her and said it was absolutely perfect.
This home made card was found waiting for me on my bed when I came home from work the evening of Mother’s Day. My ex offered to leave the kids with me that evening but I said it was fine if he had them, despite the holiday. It’s just another day. Besides, we had already technically celebrated earlier, on Friday, when I had my parents over for a visit.
The kids had made me smaller cards earlier in the week, had done favors for me, and had even given me massages.
In my book, a foot massage beats anything. And as much as my daughter hates doing that for me, I knew that when she offered one it was a gesture of true affection. My son, on the other hand, is a natural when it comes to massage and gives it freely. It’s his usual gift to me.
So all in all, I got tons for Mother’s day, pampering and home made cards all week…but then this last one was the topper. Its rustic home-made-ness was endearing—cardboard taped together with masking tape, with finger-painted designs and “YOU ROCK!” all over the inside of it—but the icing on the cake was the spelling error. I laughed so hard when I saw it. My daughter is the first to admit that spelling and reading are not her “thing”.
When she came home that evening from her dad’s, she beamed. “Did you happen to notice anything on your bed?” I told her yes I did, but that I didn’t know what it was for. She said, “What do you mean? It’s for Mother’s Day”.
“Oh really?” I asked. “It doesn’t say that.”
She marched right up the stairs and into my room. “Look, right there. See. It says, “Happy Moth… oh. Dang it!”
I hugged her and said it was absolutely perfect.
Friday, April 3, 2009
MEDIUM
I love the TV show Medium. It’s very entertaining and right up my alley. It’s very accurate too. Psychic-ness really does work the way they demonstrate on the show, at least for me it does.
I don’t have nearly the exciting life that Allison Dubois has, or that of her TV character. But the psychic experiences in my life that I have had do correlate strongly with the way Allison has them on the show. One recent show was the one where she had dreams of the apocalypse. With this little information to go on, she became afraid that the world really would be coming to an end soon. In reality, however, it turned out that there was a man who kept a young woman hostage in an underground shelter. He was able to keep her there because he had convinced her the end of the world had come.
The reason why Allison’s dreams start out confusing that way—seemingly giving her incorrect or very inaccurate information--is because her first glimpse of the “overall picture” of information is but a very minute, very acutely focused framework of information, with her only link to the overall picture being her psychic connection through another person’s perspective of reality. That link gives her a very narrow perspective of focus. From that very narrow perspective of focus, it’s very easy to be too close to the picture.
At such a close range, as we interpret what we perceive, we may end up with a slightly inaccurate, slightly distorted picture of what’s real. This happens with little information to go on—we make associations to the information perceived and interpreted within that small framework. Sometimes the small framework you are tapping into is the perceived and interpreted framework created by someone else. In the case of the young woman believing the apocalypse had come, that was her framework of belief which Allison tapped into.
Emotions seem to be the worst culprits for creating these narrow perspectives of reality. It’s easy to get sucked in along some emotional thread, and the closer you get the more narrow your focus of information becomes—and the less new information you are able to perceive. I remember the many times my daughter would over-react to falling and getting hurt, and I’d hear her cry and wail and act like the whole world was coming to an end. It’s easy to get sucked in by other people’s emotional drama and easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. In this case, the bigger picture is that life has little bumps and bruises along the way and it’s really not the end of the world. So you just pick her up, kiss the boo-boo, and do something to make her smile or laugh. Then it’s all over. Your kid grows up thinking what a wonderful and level-headed person you are, when she really has no idea what heart-ache and panic you actually do go through those first few moments of hearing her cry and wail in pain. Little does she know that for a few seconds you do feel like your world is coming to an end. Thoughts race through your head, as you race to your child, that your worst nightmare has just happened, only for you to find out it’s just a scraped knee. What a relief. Utter crisis was averted and rational thinking is allowed to resume. That relief is what gives us moms that all-amazing power to appear wonderful and level-headed.
Our emotional connections with people are like that. We get misguided through misinterpretations of information, especially when emotions are steering the wheel. I’m often able to pick up on the thoughts and feelings of others, especially when they are going through something very emotional. I’ll even feel exactly what they are feeling as if what they’re experiencing is happening to me. My son and I are very close that way. When I pick up on his emotions, I experience them as if they are my own and it can be very confusing because I won’t understand why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. When I finally get more information coming in, then the real picture comes and it all makes sense.
BACK TO THE CRUISE….
While on the cruise I had a great little psychic experience that demonstrates this concept, although without the emotional drama link I described above. But there was a link just the same, the interpretation of which misdirected my information of the bigger picture just a little bit. But only a bit. I’m happily impressed with what I received from my perspective.
It was the last night of the cruise, which they dub the “all-night jam”. Everyone anticipates it as being the biggest show and the best time on the ship. Any members of all the bands on board get together starting somewhere around midnight and play and sing and continue nonstop until the wee hours. I remember on the first cruise, the theme seemed to be that no one was allowed to stop playing—whether this was the “rule” or just a “contest”, I don’t know—while one song led into another without discussion or pre-arrangement. With so many band members participating, it was an amazing and entertaining show. One person would move into another song, by anyone in any genre, and the others would catch on real fast and fall in line. It was great.
On this particular cruise I expected the same amazing time, but there was only one problem. The weather all week had been uncharacteristically cold and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stay for much of the all-night jam since it was to be held outside on the pool deck of the ship. I planned ahead, though, and Thursday morning bought a pull-over with a hood—what they are calling “hoodies” these days—in anticipation of a cold night.
Some time in the afternoon I had a flash of a daydream-type thought pass through my mind. In it, I saw myself standing in front of one of the inside stages in a small venue they call Bar City. The stage was a very small one, and the audience area always became over crowded during any show that was held there, despite the winding staircase that led to an over-looking balcony from the next floor up. In my vision I was the only person in the audience. I was watching the tech crew set up equipment for that night’s all-night jam. As I watched in my mind, I had the knowing come to mind that they were setting up the equipment wrong and that this would cause a circuit to blow later on during the show. The me in my mind’s eye wanted to tell the crew! I wanted to alert them to this error immediately and save them from frustration and embarrassment and save the audience from the misfortune of an interrupted jam session. But the vision was as short-lived as the blink of an eye.
I thought nothing more of it and passed it off as a elusive daydream of no significant importance. Just my mind wandering, I thought.
It wasn’t until 8:30 that evening that I began to wonder if there might be more to my insignificant daydream than I first realized. We were informed by a passerby, as we sat resting in Bar City while awaiting another show to begin, that the all-night jam had been officially moved from outdoors to indoors and that it would be taking place right there in Bar City. I was shocked and in disbelief. Surely they would have thought better than to try to pack the large expectant crowd into the smallest venue on the ship. But as she pointed to just past my head to prove it, I turned around and saw that directly behind me was a sign taped to the wall stating it was so. The all-night jam was now going to be held in Bar City following the midnight show by Acid Wish. I was thankful, as many others were, that they had decided to move the jam in from the freezing cold, but I was bummed that it had been placed in this venue. I sat there debating…did I really want to save a good spot up front for hours and sit through Acid Wish just so that I could ensure myself having a good spot for the all-night jam? Nope. I didn’t.
We meandered the rest of the evening and eventually made our way back to Bar City some time past midnight. The floor was packed. The stairs were packed. The balcony was packed. As the all-night jam took off I was lucky if I could stand on my tippy-toes long enough to see the tops of the heads on stage. The hours passed and there was still no sign of my vision coming true. The only true part so far was that the all-night jam was indeed being held in Bar City—that alone was really neat. I find it fascinating when any amount of psychic phenomena can be validated.
It was about 3:30 am when I could hardly stand on my feet any longer, let alone my tippy-toes. I had found a spot on the stairs and had a much better view. Unfortunately Jim of Barenaked Ladies, and his brother Andy were nowhere to be found. I was hoping they wouldn’t be on stage but would instead be in the audience so that I could speak with them about my book. At some point the song “500 Miles” began. I told myself I’d stay through this one but afterwards would have to definitely call it a night. Dustin had moved up closer to the stage but was still amidst a packed crowd. The crowd had thinned out somewhat, but not much. Nearly at the end of the song I saw him turn around and wave me to come up next to him.
Despite not wanting to stand on my tippy-toes again, I did move closer, figuring I wasn’t going to stay much longer anyway. Once there in the middle of the floor, among the crowd, the power went out. The lights were still on, but there was no sound coming from the stage. At first I wondered why the playing and singing were cut so abruptly, forgetting my vision from earlier in the day. But then I remembered! Could it really be that the circuit was blown? Was my vision coming true?
I couldn’t see what was happening on stage, but after "500 Miles" I could barely see Ed conducting the audience to singing "Hey Jude" to keep the jam going without breaking the “no stopping” rule until they could fix the power. A few minutes later Ed held something up high for everyone to see. He had written on a cardboard box “Blew a circuit! Working on it", and he passed it around the crowd.
I don’t have nearly the exciting life that Allison Dubois has, or that of her TV character. But the psychic experiences in my life that I have had do correlate strongly with the way Allison has them on the show. One recent show was the one where she had dreams of the apocalypse. With this little information to go on, she became afraid that the world really would be coming to an end soon. In reality, however, it turned out that there was a man who kept a young woman hostage in an underground shelter. He was able to keep her there because he had convinced her the end of the world had come.
The reason why Allison’s dreams start out confusing that way—seemingly giving her incorrect or very inaccurate information--is because her first glimpse of the “overall picture” of information is but a very minute, very acutely focused framework of information, with her only link to the overall picture being her psychic connection through another person’s perspective of reality. That link gives her a very narrow perspective of focus. From that very narrow perspective of focus, it’s very easy to be too close to the picture.
At such a close range, as we interpret what we perceive, we may end up with a slightly inaccurate, slightly distorted picture of what’s real. This happens with little information to go on—we make associations to the information perceived and interpreted within that small framework. Sometimes the small framework you are tapping into is the perceived and interpreted framework created by someone else. In the case of the young woman believing the apocalypse had come, that was her framework of belief which Allison tapped into.
Emotions seem to be the worst culprits for creating these narrow perspectives of reality. It’s easy to get sucked in along some emotional thread, and the closer you get the more narrow your focus of information becomes—and the less new information you are able to perceive. I remember the many times my daughter would over-react to falling and getting hurt, and I’d hear her cry and wail and act like the whole world was coming to an end. It’s easy to get sucked in by other people’s emotional drama and easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. In this case, the bigger picture is that life has little bumps and bruises along the way and it’s really not the end of the world. So you just pick her up, kiss the boo-boo, and do something to make her smile or laugh. Then it’s all over. Your kid grows up thinking what a wonderful and level-headed person you are, when she really has no idea what heart-ache and panic you actually do go through those first few moments of hearing her cry and wail in pain. Little does she know that for a few seconds you do feel like your world is coming to an end. Thoughts race through your head, as you race to your child, that your worst nightmare has just happened, only for you to find out it’s just a scraped knee. What a relief. Utter crisis was averted and rational thinking is allowed to resume. That relief is what gives us moms that all-amazing power to appear wonderful and level-headed.
Our emotional connections with people are like that. We get misguided through misinterpretations of information, especially when emotions are steering the wheel. I’m often able to pick up on the thoughts and feelings of others, especially when they are going through something very emotional. I’ll even feel exactly what they are feeling as if what they’re experiencing is happening to me. My son and I are very close that way. When I pick up on his emotions, I experience them as if they are my own and it can be very confusing because I won’t understand why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. When I finally get more information coming in, then the real picture comes and it all makes sense.
BACK TO THE CRUISE….
While on the cruise I had a great little psychic experience that demonstrates this concept, although without the emotional drama link I described above. But there was a link just the same, the interpretation of which misdirected my information of the bigger picture just a little bit. But only a bit. I’m happily impressed with what I received from my perspective.
It was the last night of the cruise, which they dub the “all-night jam”. Everyone anticipates it as being the biggest show and the best time on the ship. Any members of all the bands on board get together starting somewhere around midnight and play and sing and continue nonstop until the wee hours. I remember on the first cruise, the theme seemed to be that no one was allowed to stop playing—whether this was the “rule” or just a “contest”, I don’t know—while one song led into another without discussion or pre-arrangement. With so many band members participating, it was an amazing and entertaining show. One person would move into another song, by anyone in any genre, and the others would catch on real fast and fall in line. It was great.
On this particular cruise I expected the same amazing time, but there was only one problem. The weather all week had been uncharacteristically cold and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stay for much of the all-night jam since it was to be held outside on the pool deck of the ship. I planned ahead, though, and Thursday morning bought a pull-over with a hood—what they are calling “hoodies” these days—in anticipation of a cold night.
Some time in the afternoon I had a flash of a daydream-type thought pass through my mind. In it, I saw myself standing in front of one of the inside stages in a small venue they call Bar City. The stage was a very small one, and the audience area always became over crowded during any show that was held there, despite the winding staircase that led to an over-looking balcony from the next floor up. In my vision I was the only person in the audience. I was watching the tech crew set up equipment for that night’s all-night jam. As I watched in my mind, I had the knowing come to mind that they were setting up the equipment wrong and that this would cause a circuit to blow later on during the show. The me in my mind’s eye wanted to tell the crew! I wanted to alert them to this error immediately and save them from frustration and embarrassment and save the audience from the misfortune of an interrupted jam session. But the vision was as short-lived as the blink of an eye.
I thought nothing more of it and passed it off as a elusive daydream of no significant importance. Just my mind wandering, I thought.
It wasn’t until 8:30 that evening that I began to wonder if there might be more to my insignificant daydream than I first realized. We were informed by a passerby, as we sat resting in Bar City while awaiting another show to begin, that the all-night jam had been officially moved from outdoors to indoors and that it would be taking place right there in Bar City. I was shocked and in disbelief. Surely they would have thought better than to try to pack the large expectant crowd into the smallest venue on the ship. But as she pointed to just past my head to prove it, I turned around and saw that directly behind me was a sign taped to the wall stating it was so. The all-night jam was now going to be held in Bar City following the midnight show by Acid Wish. I was thankful, as many others were, that they had decided to move the jam in from the freezing cold, but I was bummed that it had been placed in this venue. I sat there debating…did I really want to save a good spot up front for hours and sit through Acid Wish just so that I could ensure myself having a good spot for the all-night jam? Nope. I didn’t.
We meandered the rest of the evening and eventually made our way back to Bar City some time past midnight. The floor was packed. The stairs were packed. The balcony was packed. As the all-night jam took off I was lucky if I could stand on my tippy-toes long enough to see the tops of the heads on stage. The hours passed and there was still no sign of my vision coming true. The only true part so far was that the all-night jam was indeed being held in Bar City—that alone was really neat. I find it fascinating when any amount of psychic phenomena can be validated.
It was about 3:30 am when I could hardly stand on my feet any longer, let alone my tippy-toes. I had found a spot on the stairs and had a much better view. Unfortunately Jim of Barenaked Ladies, and his brother Andy were nowhere to be found. I was hoping they wouldn’t be on stage but would instead be in the audience so that I could speak with them about my book. At some point the song “500 Miles” began. I told myself I’d stay through this one but afterwards would have to definitely call it a night. Dustin had moved up closer to the stage but was still amidst a packed crowd. The crowd had thinned out somewhat, but not much. Nearly at the end of the song I saw him turn around and wave me to come up next to him.
Despite not wanting to stand on my tippy-toes again, I did move closer, figuring I wasn’t going to stay much longer anyway. Once there in the middle of the floor, among the crowd, the power went out. The lights were still on, but there was no sound coming from the stage. At first I wondered why the playing and singing were cut so abruptly, forgetting my vision from earlier in the day. But then I remembered! Could it really be that the circuit was blown? Was my vision coming true?
I couldn’t see what was happening on stage, but after "500 Miles" I could barely see Ed conducting the audience to singing "Hey Jude" to keep the jam going without breaking the “no stopping” rule until they could fix the power. A few minutes later Ed held something up high for everyone to see. He had written on a cardboard box “Blew a circuit! Working on it", and he passed it around the crowd.
I couldn’t believe it! The information in my vision had come true. I immediately assumed the cause had been due to some equipment failure or overload, as I had experienced in my vision. The jam ended shortly afterwards as it was now nearly 4 am anyway.
I came to find out some time later, after coming back home, that the cause of the silence from stage wasn’t actually due to a blown circuit. There was word that the ship’s crew had purposely pulled the plug as a way to get us to shut down the jam! Well, that new piece of information threw me for a loop.
Why had I gotten the vision and information of a blown circuit, and consequently why had Ed passed around his sign if this had all actually been due to the power being purposely cut? I tried to verify this information with the cruise coordinators but no one had the real story.
A friend of mine, though, said she had been up front and next to the stage during the whole all-night jam and she had heard from the tech crew that it wasn’t a failure on their part, but that the plug had been pulled on them.
Ok, well since I still haven’t gotten it officially verified, I’ll have to assume that that’s truly what happened. Even so, my psychic “daydream” had indeed come true. In analyzing this, I realized that my psychic connection was through Ed’s information of his experience. He must have quickly assumed it was due to a blown circuit which is what prompted him to write the sign and pass around. And perhaps my experience of seeing the sign became my emotional thread of experience from that moment to my “past” self several hours earlier that afternoon. For the most part, what I experienced was correct. The power went out. Period. Whether it was caused by a faulty connection, overload, or the plug being pulled by a cranky ship crew at 4 am didn’t really matter. I experienced what I experienced through my own perspective of reality. I still find myself wondering why my psychic vision earlier in the day wasn’t just simply a vision of seeing Ed hold up the sign.
I see in my other psychic experiences how this process works. Sometimes the psychic picture I get is right on the money. And sometimes it’s skewed by the emotional thread connection to another person’s beliefs, thoughts, or feelings, along with my own mind making up its own interpretations of what’s true. We never really get a real picture of what’s really out there, we only always get what we perceive and interpret through our own awareness.
People often wonder why psychic information doesn’t come through as precisely as real-world information actually is. But I know from my own first-hand experience how the emotional thread connections to other people work, how their beliefs influence our own, and how our own thoughts and beliefs interpret and misinterpret the information we perceive. Our very experience of reality is more “influenced” by others (and our own awareness) than we realize.
I always say, reality is only my experience of conscious awareness.
THE CRUIZAH!
So I've been back from the Barenaked Ladies Ships and Dip V cruise for over a month now.
Came back home with a nasty cold. Silly me, I forgot to bring my PARKA to Florida! Goodness it was cold.
The week we were gone, Colorado had temperatures in the 70s and Florida in the 30s! The world must be coming to an end! Florida is the new Colorado!
Ok, I'm over it. I was just bitter that I had packed nothing but shorts and t-shirts and then found I had to stand outside in cold wind all week. One of the locals in Miami looked at us and said, "You guys aren't from around here are you? Where are your sweaters?"
We thought we'd be smart and save money by taking the cheapest transportation we could, so once we arrived in Ft. Lauderdale, we waited outside the airport for the free shuttle bus. Unfortunately we had to wait 45 minutes--in the cold and wind. Once the bus came it took us to the train station. The train would only cost $4 per adult and $2 per child--but we had to wait an hour and a half for it, in the cold and wind. At this point I was ready to take out everything I'd packed in my suitcase and wear it.
This is what I look like with my eyes closed. Thanks Dustin.
Came back home with a nasty cold. Silly me, I forgot to bring my PARKA to Florida! Goodness it was cold.The week we were gone, Colorado had temperatures in the 70s and Florida in the 30s! The world must be coming to an end! Florida is the new Colorado!
Ok, I'm over it. I was just bitter that I had packed nothing but shorts and t-shirts and then found I had to stand outside in cold wind all week. One of the locals in Miami looked at us and said, "You guys aren't from around here are you? Where are your sweaters?"
We thought we'd be smart and save money by taking the cheapest transportation we could, so once we arrived in Ft. Lauderdale, we waited outside the airport for the free shuttle bus. Unfortunately we had to wait 45 minutes--in the cold and wind. Once the bus came it took us to the train station. The train would only cost $4 per adult and $2 per child--but we had to wait an hour and a half for it, in the cold and wind. At this point I was ready to take out everything I'd packed in my suitcase and wear it.
This is what I look like with my eyes closed. Thanks Dustin.
Once the train got us to Miami, it was to get onto another free shuttle to take us to the airport, then we waited for the hotel shuttle to arrive to take us to our hotel.
Continuing with our save-as-much-cash-as-we-can plan, we decided to take the city bus into more sight-seeing-ness territory for dinner. (The hotel we were staying at also fell into the category of cheap and so did the neighborhood). It was another 40-minute wait outside--in the cold and wind--for the city bus to show, and $1.50 per person plus 50 cents per transfer, which got us to a bus-exchange station where we had to wait a few minutes to get onto another bus which would actually get us into the part of town that was "it". This was where it was all at, the local with the sweater told us. This was where stars like Lindsay Lohan met friends at bars!
Whatever.
I couldn't care less, and I was starved. We had to walk about 4 blocks until we found a TGIF's. Our destination was also toward the beach, which we were told was within walking distance. I was hoping a burger and fries would warm me up. So we hurried and ate, wanting to get back out toward the beach before the sun went down. We walked out, crossed the street, and there it was, Miami beach. By the way, that cold wind we've been in all day now was even colder and windier right on the beach.
After about 15 minutes on the beach I couldn't feel my hands or ears anymore and suggested we head back. Back the 4 blocks to the bus-exchange place, wait 20 minutes for the bus, then back to our hotel. I was in bed huddled under the covers by 8:30 pm!
The next afternoon it was exciting arriving at port and getting on the cruise ship.
Continuing with our save-as-much-cash-as-we-can plan, we decided to take the city bus into more sight-seeing-ness territory for dinner. (The hotel we were staying at also fell into the category of cheap and so did the neighborhood). It was another 40-minute wait outside--in the cold and wind--for the city bus to show, and $1.50 per person plus 50 cents per transfer, which got us to a bus-exchange station where we had to wait a few minutes to get onto another bus which would actually get us into the part of town that was "it". This was where it was all at, the local with the sweater told us. This was where stars like Lindsay Lohan met friends at bars!
Whatever.
I couldn't care less, and I was starved. We had to walk about 4 blocks until we found a TGIF's. Our destination was also toward the beach, which we were told was within walking distance. I was hoping a burger and fries would warm me up. So we hurried and ate, wanting to get back out toward the beach before the sun went down. We walked out, crossed the street, and there it was, Miami beach. By the way, that cold wind we've been in all day now was even colder and windier right on the beach.
After about 15 minutes on the beach I couldn't feel my hands or ears anymore and suggested we head back. Back the 4 blocks to the bus-exchange place, wait 20 minutes for the bus, then back to our hotel. I was in bed huddled under the covers by 8:30 pm!The next afternoon it was exciting arriving at port and getting on the cruise ship.
Here I am waiting in line to board the ship—thought I’d just close my eyes right off the bat and save Abby the time and trouble of doing it on purpose, ha ha. (I swear, doesn’t anybody know how to take a decent picture of me??)
That's Dustin, my ex, in the black shirt. (I have no idea who the guy in the red looking at me is).
We got on about 1 pm and the ship didn't leave til about 4 pm, so it was fun exploring for a while and then eating lunch on board.
Unfortunately while boarding I missed the opportunity to have my photo taken with Kevin Hearn--the mastermind behind the music of Barenaked Ladies. The porters keep telling you, "Don't stop, keep going. Move along. This way, this way." So while we were rushing with our luggage to board the ship, we passed Kevin unknowingly until he said, "Hi guys!"
It was COOL! If he hadn't said anything we would have whooshed right past him.
We smiled, (elated that he recognized and acknowledged us), said hi, and then ran off again like wild monkeys. It wasn't until several days later that I found out there was a photo station set up there. Not everyone would get a chance to have a professional photo taken with one of the band members--only if they were available at the time--and here we were running away! Oh well. Kevin knows how much we love him.
MORE LATER…!
Unfortunately while boarding I missed the opportunity to have my photo taken with Kevin Hearn--the mastermind behind the music of Barenaked Ladies. The porters keep telling you, "Don't stop, keep going. Move along. This way, this way." So while we were rushing with our luggage to board the ship, we passed Kevin unknowingly until he said, "Hi guys!"
It was COOL! If he hadn't said anything we would have whooshed right past him.
We smiled, (elated that he recognized and acknowledged us), said hi, and then ran off again like wild monkeys. It wasn't until several days later that I found out there was a photo station set up there. Not everyone would get a chance to have a professional photo taken with one of the band members--only if they were available at the time--and here we were running away! Oh well. Kevin knows how much we love him.
MORE LATER…!
Friday, January 16, 2009
NEW THINGS
GOURDS AGAIN...
The amazing wind and windstorms Colorado’s been having completely ripped apart the squirrel basket. I would have another identical basket to replace it with, but it went out with the donation stuff before the divorce. The only (sturdy) thing I could come up with was to attach the milk crate to the fence with Bungee cords. That red milk crate that my gourds were curing in. It’s secure although not cute like the basket was. I have a ceramic pot water catcher thingy sitting in there for their food.
The gourds are done now, by the way. They’ve been done for about a month, so they cured much sooner than I thought they would.
The fatter ones went bad pretty quickly. The survivors came to 24 out of the 52 I started with. Unfortunately they've definitely lost their vivid colors and luster. Most of them develop a layer of flaky white mold, and some get black mold spots.
DANISH CHEESE...
My mom’s from Denmark and one of the Danish foods I love is Esrom. It’s one of those stinky cheeses, although mild in comparison to some, but stinky enough that if you touch it you’ll want to wash your hands. Mom called yesterday and said she made a stop at the Cheese Company and had some for me. So today I drove over and picked it up. I’ve been craving it the past few days, so mom’s timing was perfect. Sliced French bread with some butter and a couple slices of that cheese and yum! (Abby informed me I’ll need to brush my teeth after I’m done if I want a kiss from her.)
BOOKS I'M READING...
Yesterday I was at my favorite used book store and bought James Redfield’s The Celestine prophecy, An Experiential Guide. I’m looking forward to getting into it. I’m also re-reading Robert Monroe’s Journeys out of the Body and re-reading Bruce Moen’s Voyage into the Unknown. I have several books I’ve never read before, but I do enjoy re-reading my old favorites again. I’m also reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and Carlos Castaneda’s Journey to Ixtlan. I’ve always been a literary buffet type of reader—always reading several at once. I think maybe why I do that is to savor each book just a little bit longer than it would take to read just one at a time.
MY BOOK...
Speaking of books, I’m still preparing mine for publication. Bruce suggested I advertise on his site for volunteer proof readers. That was a great idea and it’s exciting. I now have four people reading for me. It’s just another small step, a little tedious, but I do want this project to succeed. This book was a lot of work, but also fun and therapeutic. I’m excited to hear their feedback.
THE CRUISE...
I’ll be leaving for a cruise at the end of the month, Barenaked Ladies Ships and Dip V! www.shipsanddip.com. This is the third year my favorite rock band is doing it, so I guess it’s the new thing. It’s an amazing thing, but I doubt I will be able to afford this again, now that I’m divorced. My ex and I went a couple years ago, and we’ll be going together this time but this time we’ll be bringing along our daughter. Unfortunately our son wouldn’t enjoy going, so he’ll be staying home with grandma. But Abby is so adventurous, I know she’ll have an incredible time.
SQUIRRELS AGAIN...
The best hit so far has been Rice Krispy Treats. I put several out one day and the same squirrel stole each one in a matter of a few minutes. I watched as he took one and hid it in one tree, came back for another and hid it in another tree, and so on. He had five different hiding places.
The amazing wind and windstorms Colorado’s been having completely ripped apart the squirrel basket. I would have another identical basket to replace it with, but it went out with the donation stuff before the divorce. The only (sturdy) thing I could come up with was to attach the milk crate to the fence with Bungee cords. That red milk crate that my gourds were curing in. It’s secure although not cute like the basket was. I have a ceramic pot water catcher thingy sitting in there for their food.
The gourds are done now, by the way. They’ve been done for about a month, so they cured much sooner than I thought they would.
The fatter ones went bad pretty quickly. The survivors came to 24 out of the 52 I started with. Unfortunately they've definitely lost their vivid colors and luster. Most of them develop a layer of flaky white mold, and some get black mold spots.
DANISH CHEESE...
My mom’s from Denmark and one of the Danish foods I love is Esrom. It’s one of those stinky cheeses, although mild in comparison to some, but stinky enough that if you touch it you’ll want to wash your hands. Mom called yesterday and said she made a stop at the Cheese Company and had some for me. So today I drove over and picked it up. I’ve been craving it the past few days, so mom’s timing was perfect. Sliced French bread with some butter and a couple slices of that cheese and yum! (Abby informed me I’ll need to brush my teeth after I’m done if I want a kiss from her.)
BOOKS I'M READING...
Yesterday I was at my favorite used book store and bought James Redfield’s The Celestine prophecy, An Experiential Guide. I’m looking forward to getting into it. I’m also re-reading Robert Monroe’s Journeys out of the Body and re-reading Bruce Moen’s Voyage into the Unknown. I have several books I’ve never read before, but I do enjoy re-reading my old favorites again. I’m also reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and Carlos Castaneda’s Journey to Ixtlan. I’ve always been a literary buffet type of reader—always reading several at once. I think maybe why I do that is to savor each book just a little bit longer than it would take to read just one at a time.
MY BOOK...
Speaking of books, I’m still preparing mine for publication. Bruce suggested I advertise on his site for volunteer proof readers. That was a great idea and it’s exciting. I now have four people reading for me. It’s just another small step, a little tedious, but I do want this project to succeed. This book was a lot of work, but also fun and therapeutic. I’m excited to hear their feedback.
THE CRUISE...
I’ll be leaving for a cruise at the end of the month, Barenaked Ladies Ships and Dip V! www.shipsanddip.com. This is the third year my favorite rock band is doing it, so I guess it’s the new thing. It’s an amazing thing, but I doubt I will be able to afford this again, now that I’m divorced. My ex and I went a couple years ago, and we’ll be going together this time but this time we’ll be bringing along our daughter. Unfortunately our son wouldn’t enjoy going, so he’ll be staying home with grandma. But Abby is so adventurous, I know she’ll have an incredible time.
SQUIRRELS AGAIN...
The best hit so far has been Rice Krispy Treats. I put several out one day and the same squirrel stole each one in a matter of a few minutes. I watched as he took one and hid it in one tree, came back for another and hid it in another tree, and so on. He had five different hiding places.
JOURNALING
I began journaling again. I’ve been out of the habit for many years. One thing that has helped is the non-physical healing work I’ve been practicing on my sore hands and fingers. I do believe I will succeed at healing this nasty trigger-finger and nerve damage pain I’ve been suffering from. Improving my attitude toward the limitation my pain causes is what I’m really practicing. And it seems to be working. I’ve been doing more writing—the literal kind of writing. The old-fashioned kind. The kind where you actually hold a pen to a piece of paper and move it for a long time, until you take a break and find that you’ve penned an entire page or two in no time. That’s something I haven’t undertaken in years because I found that typing on my computer was much faster and easier for my very sore hands and fingers. I still have to be careful with how much I do with my hands, but I’ve found that keeping them still and stiff is detrimental at this point. (Years of medical transcription work—and I worked intensely—plus diabetes has caused me this damage).
It feels good to be journaling again. I am the type of person who gets very absorbed in a project. I get very intense about what I do. That's just me. I used to find it odd that people always pointed out how intense of a person I am, but I’m beginning to see what they mean.
My journals…
I’ve created a journal solely for my daily well being and as a way to log the medications and supplements I’ve been taking, and any symptoms like a headache or mood changes or whatever. A friend recommended the book The Edge Effect by Eric Braverman, which led me to the supplements. Supplements weren’t something I used to put much faith in, but after learning a little bit about brain neurotransmitters and how those chemicals work in the body and how the supplements work, it makes sense. And anything that has a formula that makes sense to me is worth paying attention to. If I can utilize it, I like it. So thus the supplements and thus the log book/journal for them. So far so good.
I’ve also created another journal solely for daily thoughts that pop up. This is the journal I have to “cheat” on a little. I have so many thoughts, feelings, and emotions that journaling them all is impossible and would cause more nerve damage than good, so I found that if I begin to journal and get a hand cramp, I then finish the entry on my computer. If I stay orderly about it, it will work. I note in the journal that I am finishing the entry on the computer, and then in the computer I note the date that I’m continuing from. I’ll have to then print out the computer entries and insert them into the journal if I want to be neat and tidy about keeping things in order. This will all work and be fun until I become sloppy about it. So far so good.
And I have another journal solely for my spiritual thoughts, practices, techniques, and insights that have to do with anything I’m currently working on or experiencing. I guess I could call it my spiritual journey journal. I cheat on this one a lot too, finding it faster and easier to type out my notes rather than hand write.
One of the supplements I’m taking is melatonin, and I’ve heard it helps with dream recall as well. It does seem to help in that department. Since I’ve been taking it I have remembered more dreams than usual. I think I will start a dream journal and write down my dreams again. I used to do that every day when I was a teenager, and I was able to remember the most vivid dreams back then. That was a time when I first became interested in OBEs and lucid dreams.
Anyway, I was surprised to find myself enjoying journaling again.
It feels good to be journaling again. I am the type of person who gets very absorbed in a project. I get very intense about what I do. That's just me. I used to find it odd that people always pointed out how intense of a person I am, but I’m beginning to see what they mean.
My journals…
I’ve created a journal solely for my daily well being and as a way to log the medications and supplements I’ve been taking, and any symptoms like a headache or mood changes or whatever. A friend recommended the book The Edge Effect by Eric Braverman, which led me to the supplements. Supplements weren’t something I used to put much faith in, but after learning a little bit about brain neurotransmitters and how those chemicals work in the body and how the supplements work, it makes sense. And anything that has a formula that makes sense to me is worth paying attention to. If I can utilize it, I like it. So thus the supplements and thus the log book/journal for them. So far so good.
I’ve also created another journal solely for daily thoughts that pop up. This is the journal I have to “cheat” on a little. I have so many thoughts, feelings, and emotions that journaling them all is impossible and would cause more nerve damage than good, so I found that if I begin to journal and get a hand cramp, I then finish the entry on my computer. If I stay orderly about it, it will work. I note in the journal that I am finishing the entry on the computer, and then in the computer I note the date that I’m continuing from. I’ll have to then print out the computer entries and insert them into the journal if I want to be neat and tidy about keeping things in order. This will all work and be fun until I become sloppy about it. So far so good.
And I have another journal solely for my spiritual thoughts, practices, techniques, and insights that have to do with anything I’m currently working on or experiencing. I guess I could call it my spiritual journey journal. I cheat on this one a lot too, finding it faster and easier to type out my notes rather than hand write.
One of the supplements I’m taking is melatonin, and I’ve heard it helps with dream recall as well. It does seem to help in that department. Since I’ve been taking it I have remembered more dreams than usual. I think I will start a dream journal and write down my dreams again. I used to do that every day when I was a teenager, and I was able to remember the most vivid dreams back then. That was a time when I first became interested in OBEs and lucid dreams.
Anyway, I was surprised to find myself enjoying journaling again.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
ENERGY BALL
Recently I've been researching, trying to learn how to get back to the fundamentals of using my Guidance and psychic abilities. I notice the patterns in my life, that sometimes I'm in that state where everything goes right, I have nothing but good luck and happy coincidences, and I feel very connected to my Guidance. Then things change and I'm out of phase with all that. So lately I've been focusing on how to consciously make the effort to put myself back in sync with that state of awareness where I feel connected and guided.
Some things have been coming together for me in this regard. A couple months ago it began with me questioning a psychic acquaintenance how she does her work, what the process is. She gives psychic readings by connecting with people's deceased loved ones. The way she receives her information is by hearing her own guidance speak to her...in a voice. Well of course I was intrigued when I learned this, because that is exactly how I experience my own Guidance which I call, The Voice. She said her process is simply to decide and know that when it's time for her to receive information, she will receive it. She sits down, turns on her tape recorder, and the process begins. That seemed way too cut and dry and simple to me. And she said that it really is, and it was this way because she designed it that way. That's what works for her. Her advice to me, in desiring to do this type of work (and my various other plans and ideas), was to simply create my own technique.
That got me thinking for quite some time that that wasn't all there was to it. A technique is a process of steps that carries you from your desire to your goal, but the magic doesn't lie in the technique itself. And after I finally realized this, I could see why she told me to "create your own technique". Ah, now it made sense! In creating my own technique, I was essentially placing intention for that which I desire--and that intention would become incorporated and embedded in every thought, every feeling, and every maneuver of my technique, whatever that technique may be. So it wasn't the technique, per se, that did the trick, it was my intention.
But it wasn't that easy for me to figure this out. I still had a ways to go. After mulling this create-your-own-technique thing over for several weeks, I finally got to another step that I hadn't seen coming. But now I realize it was another piece of this puzzle. My friend Bruce was helping me pinpoint what exactly it is that I want to learn to do. I had so many ideas but hadn't really focused on one thing. He said that's the idea, focus on one thing and that's the thing that will begin taking off for you. Oh. I keep forgetting that. I really needed to focus my attention on one idea or desire and put my efforts there. So I made a list of some things and found that getting re-acquainted with that feeling of being connected to my own feeling of Guidance was at the top of the list. I figured once I became successful with my goals there, it would take a lot of the edge off and make my other goals easier, especially since this part of my spiritual life was something that could sometimes make me feel very lost without it.
So now that I had some solid plan in mind of what I could be working toward, I was back to thinking about the technique process I was supposed to be coming up with. As usual, I make things way more complicated than they need to be. And in the process of coming up with a technique, it got me more interested in my second-most important spiritual practice goal. Healing. Healing has always been a huge interest and passion of mine. And I've actually had some amazing results with various experiences that have to do with healing. So I began to think in terms of combining my desires and efforts to put these two things together. Maybe one way I could use my connection to Guidance was to work on giving healing to others. After all, healing was as big of a desire of mine as connecting with people's deceased loved ones. Maybe there actually can be a connection for the two--this is getting exciting.
Anyway, back to my technique. One night out of the blue, for fun, I began playing with the sensation of energy between my hands. You know where you place your hands close together, palm sides, and roll your hands around in circular motions until you feel an energy feeling like two magnets repelling each other? I call that my energy ball. I never really thought about what it is, other than a sensation of my own energy. I found that while playing with it, trying to intensify the energy feeling and make it stronger, I was visualizing it (eyes closed) and concentrating on the feeling of actually creating this ball. That kind of concentration and visualization effort reminded me of what it feels like to be connected to my Guidance feeling, really being in the moment.
So that in itself had become a technique I could use. Having that center of focus absorbed my attention and concentration, while pulling my attention away from all other thoughts. I realized why a center of focus was necessary and why it worked in visualization and guided meditation. I noticed that kind of calm and relaxation were the same types of feelings as when I pray, plan goals, work through a problem to find a solution, send love to someone I care about, and set intention for my goals. Then I realized, if this kind of feeling reminded me of all these things, then the technique for getting here acted as a center of focus for directing my conscious awareness to whatever I wanted. As long as I had something that I could concentrate my attention on, it greatly enhanced my ability to focus my thoughts away from all the things that normally distract me while meditating.
I began practicing with imagining infusing my energy ball with healing energy, so that I could then imagine using that energy to send healing to my sore hands and fingers. (Have had trigger fingers for quite some time, very painful). Doing this each day worked on relieving the pain, but I found I enjoyed working with the meditative process more than I cared about curing my pain! My interests quickly maneuvered me to wondering what else I could be doing with this concentrated effort of focused attention. After a lot of playing and practice with the energy ball feeling, I found that my hands and arms would become tired too easily to continue physically creating and feeling the ball, so I turned my attention to just imagining the energy ball feeling. After all, the technique wasn't the important thing per se, it was the intention. As long as I had a way to get my attention focused in the state of mind I was looking for, the technique didn't matter. I found that my practice had made it easy for me to just close my eyes, imagine myself doing the energy ball, and it would bring on the feelings of my connection to Guidance and the feeling of what Bruce Moen calls Placing Intent Consciousness. The practice of it had made a feeling connection that I could quickly attain just through the desire to do so.
Now I was beginning to see what Bruce means when he reaches connection with a person who is deceased simply by desiring to do so. He just thinks or says their name, with the desire to connect with their area of consciousness, and he's there. It is the same with my new practices I was working on. As I continue working with it, one of the things on my "to try" list is to use my new technique for making contact with someone deceased. I'd also like to utilize these efforts for more healing work, something along the lines of Reiki I suppose (although I've never studied it). I'll keep working on my ideas.
My desire to come up with my own technique was really beginning to show some promise. I not only came up with a technique that could easily focus my awareness, but I also quickly learned to make it work for me as instantaneous as a mere thought. Now all I need is opportunity to put this to some use. If I was going to do what my psychic acquaintence friend did with doing readings for people while communicating with their deceased loved ones, then I'd need to practice on people. Same with practicing some energy healing work. I'd need to practice on someone. I'm definitely going to utilize this for doing retrieval work as well (http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/).
Some things have been coming together for me in this regard. A couple months ago it began with me questioning a psychic acquaintenance how she does her work, what the process is. She gives psychic readings by connecting with people's deceased loved ones. The way she receives her information is by hearing her own guidance speak to her...in a voice. Well of course I was intrigued when I learned this, because that is exactly how I experience my own Guidance which I call, The Voice. She said her process is simply to decide and know that when it's time for her to receive information, she will receive it. She sits down, turns on her tape recorder, and the process begins. That seemed way too cut and dry and simple to me. And she said that it really is, and it was this way because she designed it that way. That's what works for her. Her advice to me, in desiring to do this type of work (and my various other plans and ideas), was to simply create my own technique.
That got me thinking for quite some time that that wasn't all there was to it. A technique is a process of steps that carries you from your desire to your goal, but the magic doesn't lie in the technique itself. And after I finally realized this, I could see why she told me to "create your own technique". Ah, now it made sense! In creating my own technique, I was essentially placing intention for that which I desire--and that intention would become incorporated and embedded in every thought, every feeling, and every maneuver of my technique, whatever that technique may be. So it wasn't the technique, per se, that did the trick, it was my intention.
But it wasn't that easy for me to figure this out. I still had a ways to go. After mulling this create-your-own-technique thing over for several weeks, I finally got to another step that I hadn't seen coming. But now I realize it was another piece of this puzzle. My friend Bruce was helping me pinpoint what exactly it is that I want to learn to do. I had so many ideas but hadn't really focused on one thing. He said that's the idea, focus on one thing and that's the thing that will begin taking off for you. Oh. I keep forgetting that. I really needed to focus my attention on one idea or desire and put my efforts there. So I made a list of some things and found that getting re-acquainted with that feeling of being connected to my own feeling of Guidance was at the top of the list. I figured once I became successful with my goals there, it would take a lot of the edge off and make my other goals easier, especially since this part of my spiritual life was something that could sometimes make me feel very lost without it.
So now that I had some solid plan in mind of what I could be working toward, I was back to thinking about the technique process I was supposed to be coming up with. As usual, I make things way more complicated than they need to be. And in the process of coming up with a technique, it got me more interested in my second-most important spiritual practice goal. Healing. Healing has always been a huge interest and passion of mine. And I've actually had some amazing results with various experiences that have to do with healing. So I began to think in terms of combining my desires and efforts to put these two things together. Maybe one way I could use my connection to Guidance was to work on giving healing to others. After all, healing was as big of a desire of mine as connecting with people's deceased loved ones. Maybe there actually can be a connection for the two--this is getting exciting.
Anyway, back to my technique. One night out of the blue, for fun, I began playing with the sensation of energy between my hands. You know where you place your hands close together, palm sides, and roll your hands around in circular motions until you feel an energy feeling like two magnets repelling each other? I call that my energy ball. I never really thought about what it is, other than a sensation of my own energy. I found that while playing with it, trying to intensify the energy feeling and make it stronger, I was visualizing it (eyes closed) and concentrating on the feeling of actually creating this ball. That kind of concentration and visualization effort reminded me of what it feels like to be connected to my Guidance feeling, really being in the moment.
So that in itself had become a technique I could use. Having that center of focus absorbed my attention and concentration, while pulling my attention away from all other thoughts. I realized why a center of focus was necessary and why it worked in visualization and guided meditation. I noticed that kind of calm and relaxation were the same types of feelings as when I pray, plan goals, work through a problem to find a solution, send love to someone I care about, and set intention for my goals. Then I realized, if this kind of feeling reminded me of all these things, then the technique for getting here acted as a center of focus for directing my conscious awareness to whatever I wanted. As long as I had something that I could concentrate my attention on, it greatly enhanced my ability to focus my thoughts away from all the things that normally distract me while meditating.
I began practicing with imagining infusing my energy ball with healing energy, so that I could then imagine using that energy to send healing to my sore hands and fingers. (Have had trigger fingers for quite some time, very painful). Doing this each day worked on relieving the pain, but I found I enjoyed working with the meditative process more than I cared about curing my pain! My interests quickly maneuvered me to wondering what else I could be doing with this concentrated effort of focused attention. After a lot of playing and practice with the energy ball feeling, I found that my hands and arms would become tired too easily to continue physically creating and feeling the ball, so I turned my attention to just imagining the energy ball feeling. After all, the technique wasn't the important thing per se, it was the intention. As long as I had a way to get my attention focused in the state of mind I was looking for, the technique didn't matter. I found that my practice had made it easy for me to just close my eyes, imagine myself doing the energy ball, and it would bring on the feelings of my connection to Guidance and the feeling of what Bruce Moen calls Placing Intent Consciousness. The practice of it had made a feeling connection that I could quickly attain just through the desire to do so.
Now I was beginning to see what Bruce means when he reaches connection with a person who is deceased simply by desiring to do so. He just thinks or says their name, with the desire to connect with their area of consciousness, and he's there. It is the same with my new practices I was working on. As I continue working with it, one of the things on my "to try" list is to use my new technique for making contact with someone deceased. I'd also like to utilize these efforts for more healing work, something along the lines of Reiki I suppose (although I've never studied it). I'll keep working on my ideas.
My desire to come up with my own technique was really beginning to show some promise. I not only came up with a technique that could easily focus my awareness, but I also quickly learned to make it work for me as instantaneous as a mere thought. Now all I need is opportunity to put this to some use. If I was going to do what my psychic acquaintence friend did with doing readings for people while communicating with their deceased loved ones, then I'd need to practice on people. Same with practicing some energy healing work. I'd need to practice on someone. I'm definitely going to utilize this for doing retrieval work as well (http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/).
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